


Don't judge a book by its cover

by MalecHeline



Series: Don't judge a book by its cover [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: #SaveShadowhunters, Alec has anxiety, Alec has low self-esteem, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Celeb au, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Jace is a dick in the beginning, M/M, Magnus has a bad reputation, Magnus has a troubled past, Magnus is a Good Friend, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Talk about non consensual sex, actress!Izzy, anxiety/panic attack described, celebrity!magnus, cursing, detective!alec, kind of slow burn, prejudices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-05-24 05:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 78,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14948618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalecHeline/pseuds/MalecHeline
Summary: Alec Lightwood, one of New York's finest detectives, leads a pretty normal life. Not much going on besides his work. One day when he least expected it he runs into the most beautiful man he ever laid eyes on. There is only one problem that Alec doesn't seem to realize, he doesn't know that the guy he met, was famous actor Magnus Bane. Who doesn't have a very good reputation, to put it mildly. What will he do when he finds out? Will his prejudices get the best of him?"Never assume anything about anyone, you don’t know the battles they are fighting."Malec Celebrity AU about prejudices, judgments, anxiety, back stories and some of the stress of the modern day.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,  
> I've had this idea and some scenes in my head for a really long time and I just had to start writing it. This fic is supposed to be very angsty, but also fluffy. And funny, but also serious. It really depends on the scene. I probably won't update regularly, because of my school schedule, but I'll try to update as much as I can. I hope you'll enjoy this story. Also some parts are based on my own personal experience with stress and anxiety. Thanks for reading my story xx

“Shit,” Alec cursed when he looked up at the clock. He is late for his meeting with Izzy. He quickly got out of bed and put the clothes on he could find. He ran through the streets with his coffee in one hand and his bag in the other, pushing past the most annoying by passers he had ever seen. Seriously can’t anybody stay out of his way, he thought. Alec was up later than he should’ve, working on this new case, which was horrific by the way. All the paperwork that had to be done was overwhelming. Being a detective was no piece of cake. He didn’t realize it had gotten that late, until he looked at the clock and it showed 4:00 am.. He decided he better get some sleep. Unfortunately he slept through his alarm and was now running late for his appointment with Izzy, she was going to be sooo mad.

When he went around the corner he was met with a loud thump and before he knew it he was lying on the ground next to someone else.

“Omg, oh my god. I’m so sorry,” he rambled before standing up and giving the, ridiculously attractive, man a hand. He looks at the man’s white blouse with a huge coffee stain on it. He quickly pulls off his jacket and started wiping at the stain.

“I’m such a klutz, I’m so sorry. Omg.” Still the other man hadn’t said anything, that could be because he didn’t have a chance since Alec tends to ramble a lot. But when he does say something, Alec could have sworn that the world turned a little brighter by this man’s melodic voice.

“It’s fine, darling.” Alec looked at him for a second before getting back to work on the stain.

“And just so you know, this is just rubbing it further in. I don’t mind your hands on my chest, but this doesn’t do much to the stain.”

“He says after I’ve been doing this for a minute.” He mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?” the man said jokingly.

“Nothing.”

“But I kinda do need a clean shirt,” he scrunched up his nose, adorable, Alec thought.

 “We got to do something about that stain though. I live right here, he said pointing towards the building across the street. If you want you can borrow one of my shirts.” Before the handsome man could answer he was being dragged towards the apartment building across the street.

“Okay, so here we are. Um.. I’m going to find something for you to wear. You just stay here and… don’t touch anything please!” The man didn’t break his promise, but he did look around for a bit. It was a very plain looking apartment, really New Yorkish. Not much personal stuff, some books, pictures and decorations but nothing much. He did see an awful lot of pictures of some blonde dude though, seemed like the cocky type. When Alec got back, he had three shirts in his hands.

“I have these, they might….” His sentence came to a stop, when he noticed the incredibly beautiful man had taken off his shirt and was now bare chested. “Fuck,” Alec sighed underneath his breath.

“Hmm?” the man asked when he turned around, facing Alec. He caught Alec shamelessly looking at his chest and arms while practically drooling, who wouldn’t. Alec shook himself out of it.

“I don’t know if they will fit, since I’m a little taller and well… you’re broader than me.”

“Are you calling me fat?” the man asked offended, but his scowl soon turned into a smirk, got he was sexy. Shit, focus Alec.

“No.. of course, I don’t…” Alec stammered. “No, the opposite.” He finally got out, but not without a blush creeping on his neck.

“Oh,” the man said flirty. “So are you going to stare at me all morning or are you going to give me a shirt?” Alec quickly handed over the shirts and turned around.

“Oh you don’t have to turn around if you liked what you saw,” the man said unashamed. “Unless your boyfriend wouldn’t like that of course.” Alec was left speechless, he honestly didn’t know what to say.

“Boyfriend?” he asked eventually after the man had one of his shirts on.

“Well yeah, the blonde guy you have a dozen pictures of.”

“Oh, no. That is just my roommate/brother. He is a little full of himself.”

“A little?” the man laughed, and it was the best sound in the world. So carefree and melodic, Alec thought. He quickly shook himself out of his thoughts before he would start drooling again.

“So you don’t have a boyfriend?” the man asked.

“No, do you?”

“Wouldn’t have come with a beautiful stranger to his house if I did, or would I?”

“Uh..” Alec tried to give him a sarcastic one liner back, but nothing really came out. He used to be so witty around people, why not with him.

“So handsome stranger, that dragged me all across the street to get me half naked and in one of his shirts, are you going to introduce yourself or not?”

“Uh.. yeah. I’m Alec, well Alexander, but everyone calls me Alec. Except my parents whenever they visit, but that is not a big deal. But all my friends call me Alec any way, most people call me Alec. Alexander is a bit much, I think.” He rambled on.

“Do you always ramble so much? Or is this just a special occasion?” the man teased with a smirk.

“When I’m nervous,” he simply said before he could stop himself.

“And why would you be nervous, Alexander?” Alec honestly didn’t mind his full name coming out of the man’s mouth.

“Uh…. I don’t it’s just…. You’re so beautiful and I can’t help but feel nervous,” he rubbed his neck and looked down at the ground, in shame.

“Well thank you, darling.” The man replied kindly. Alec looked up again and his eyes caught the eyes of the stranger. “You’re not bad yourself,” he winked.

“How funny and exciting this has been, I do have to go somewhere. Can I have your number perhaps so we can meet and I can give you your shirt back?”

“You can keep the shirt if you want to, I don’t mind. It was my fault that the other one is ruined. I can take it to a dry cleaner if you want and mail it back to you,” the man rolled his eyes at Alec’s response, he could be so clueless at times. The man took a few steps towards Alec and said softly: “This was me asking for your number so we could meet again, silly.”

“Ooohh…. Yeah, did not realize that.” Alec would have slapped himself if he could, but he didn’t want to embarrass himself any further.

“Why would you want my number?” Alec eventually asked.

“Why not, you’re cute, sweet, might I add incredibly gorgeous and you dragged me over here just to give me one of your shirts. That is what I call extra and I like it,” the man winked at the end of his sentence.

“So would you?” the man reached out his hand, to give Alec his phone.

“Um.. yeah sure.” Alec also grabbed his phone from his pocket and gave him to the stranger while he put his number in the other one’s phone.

When he returned the phone Alec saw his contact name: Handsome stranger. Before he could realize the man walked over to the door, but stopped to turn around.

“See you, Alexander.” The man purred.

“Wait, what is your name though?” he asked quickly.

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see.” And with that he closed the door.

“Dammit,” Alec cursed he was going to be so late for Izzy.

 

****

 

“So, this handsome guy, what did he look like?” Isabelle asked curiously, while also trying to pry in his social life.

“So beautiful, really. Like an angel send from heaven, there are literally no words that can describe him. That could do the man’s beauty justice.”

“Wow, sounds like one hell of a guy. And he was interested?” it wasn’t supposed to come out sounding insulting, but it did.

“Thanks, I already know he is way out of my league.” Alec huffed.

“That is not what I meant, Alec. Let me get this straight,” she chuckled at her own joke, but quickly stopped when Alec glared at him. “You ran into this god of a man, spilled your drink on him. Made him come to your apartment and you got him half naked _and_ you got his phone number?” Alec simply nodded.

“What has happened to my shy ‘I don’t really date’ brother?” she teased. “Why don’t you text him?”

“I don’t know if he really is interested, maybe he just wanted to get rid of me or something?”

“Did you not hear what I just said? The guy voluntarily went with you to change his shirt and then he flirted with you and gave you his number. You still thinking he doesn’t like you?”

“Yes… I don’t know Iz. I’m not good at this. I can be flirty, sure. But this is for real, I really want to get to know him.” Alec whined.

“Then I suggest you take your chance and text the guy.”

“I guess you’re right,” he sighed.

“Like always,” she said cockily, Alec just rolled her eyes at her.

“Don’t you have some audition to get to or something?”

“Actually, no. I did audition for this tv show, called The downworld, the other day and they still haven’t given me a call, but I’m really confident that I will get this one. The part is so me.” She said.

“Maybe you’ll become famousss…” he teased her.

“Maybe I will.”

Isabelle was trying to pursue a career in acting, but it wasn’t doing her any favours at the moment. She auditioned and auditioned, but no breakthrough yet. Alec had been there for her when she started her career, he had paid for headshots, acting lessons and even bought her a couple flight tickets. He just wanted her to succeed so badly, she deserved it. Their brother (adoptive), Jace, wasn’t as thrilled for Izzy. He thinks Hollywood is a toxic business and all the people in it are no good. That was one of the main things he and Izzy fought about most of the times, but they all knew Jace meant it well, it just didn’t come out that way. They all were very protective of each other, and Izzy had it rough with all the disappointment. But now she finally had a shot at becoming what she always dreamed of. She had auditioned for this new tv show and the roll seemed utterly perfect for her. She was supposed to play a badass woman, that wouldn’t let a man walk all over her. It really seemed like a perfect fit and Alec prayed for her to get the roll.

“Maybe I will text him,” Alec concluded out of the blue.

“Okay, do I have to prep you. Like, don’t talk about sex on the first date or don’t talk about other guys.”

“No, Iz. I got this.” Alec said confidently.

“Okay, big brother. But if you’ll text him ‘I think you’re kewl’ I’m going to kill you.”

“Relax, have some faith please. This isn’t my first,” he stated matter of factly.

“If you’re talking about the whole Raj thing, that wasn’t even a relationship on your part. He just stalked you for months, until you finally went out with him.” Isabelle took a sip of her tea and gave Alec a look.

“Don’t say that about him, we’re still friends.” Alec stood up for his friend. “And I’ve had more relationships.”

“Oh right, how could I forget James. The most dreamiest guy I’ve ever seen although he was a jerk,” Isabelle gushed.

“Well, that’s because you haven’t seen the guy I met today,” Alec chuckled.

“Oh really, so even better than James? Nice one brother, now go text him before I will,” she threatened.

“Okay, okay, okay. I will.” Alec took his phone out and opened a new chat.

 

**Alec**

_Hi, I don’t really know how to do this, but I just wanted to say hello. I still got your shirt, it is washed though. And I was wondering if you’d want to have it back, maybe we could meet some time? Hope to hear from you soon_

_Alexander_

14:55

 

Alec showed Izzy the text before he send it.

“Maybe you are better at this than I thought. The text seems cute, but why did you sign it with Alexander?” Izzy inquired.

“Um, he called me that this morning. So, I just.. I don’t know. Should I delete that?” he asked insecure.

“No, it’s cute,” Izzy gave him an encouraging smile. “Don’t worry so much, if he liked your rambling, which you probably did this morning, he will like your text.”

“Okay,” he sighed. His finger hovered over the send button, but he decided to not let his head ruin things and just send it already.

_Message send_

***

 

Alec was so nervous after his appointment with Izzy, he went home and threw his jacket on the coat hanger. The man’s shirt was still hanging over one of his chairs. Alec didn’t want to constantly check his phone, but he wanted to know if the handsome stranger had answered. He reached for his phone, but he hesitated, what if he hadn’t text back? He would just be disappointed again… In the end he decided against it and grabbed some stuff from the kitchen table and started working again. This was actually supposed to be his day off… but he just couldn’t sit still. It felt wrong, when he knows that there is something that could be done. So he walked towards his office and started working again. Searching, digging for clues. He was really focused when his phone buzzed. Alec looked at the screen and wanted to scream when he saw who it was from.

“Okay, calm down Alec. Calm down…” He squeezed one eye shut and looked with a scrunched up face at the screen.

 

**Handsome stranger**

_Well, hi to you too. You can keep my shirt if you want to, I wouldn’t mind ;) But I would like to meet with you some time again? When are you free? Love to hear from you_

_xx Handsome stranger ;)_

19:53

  
“Fuck,” Alec cursed really loud. So he did want to meet, not what Alec was expecting though. Alec dialed Izzy’s number.

“Hello?” Alec heard from the other line.

“Iz, I’ve got some news.” Alec said.

“He texted back didn’t he?” she laughed.

“He did!!! He texted me that he wouldn’t mind if I kept his shirt,” Isabelle whistled at the other end. “And he wants to meet me again, he already wants to set up a date.”

“Well, go for it.” she encouraged.

“But what about work?” Alec asked her.

“You can take one night off Alec, you’ve been working none stop these last few months. You deserve to take a break.”

“I know I do, it’s just.. I don’t know. What if he doesn’t like me and I screw up again? He’s so out of my league.”

“Alec, have some faith. You’re the best person I know and the kindest brother. He’s gonna love you, I promise.” She told him.

“Okay, you know what? I’m gonna set up a date for next Saturday.”

“That’s my brother!” she cheered. “but I gotta hang up, Meliorn is here. See you later.”

“See you, love you. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He joked.

“Haha very funny. Love you too.”

Isabelle hang up the phone and Alec stared at the text again. Eventually he realized that staring at it wouldn’t make it more real and started typing a message.

 

**Alec**

_Hi,_

_I would like to meet with you again, is this Saturday okay?_

_Alexander_

19:57

He sent the message and only a few seconds later he got one back.

 

**Handsome Stranger**

_I would love to go out on Saturday, should I pick the restaurant? I’m looking forward to seeing those gorgeous eyes again. <3_

_xx Handsome stranger_

19:58

Alec absolutely did not make the most teen girl noise there could possibly be. (he most certainly did)

 

 

**Alec**

_Great! Yeah, if you know a good restaurant be my guest. I don’t really know much about food, so everything would fine. I’m looking forward to seeing you too :) You can keep your shirt on this time ;)_

_Alexander_

20:01

**Handsome stranger**

_Oh really, if I didn’t know better I would think you were flirting with me mr. Alexander. I do not know your last name yet…. But I like where this conversation is going. I know some good restaurants, so don’t worry about it. At what time should we meet?_

_xx Handsome stranger_

20:05

 

**Alec**

_Well, you’ll have to find out until Saturday to see if I was flirting now, won’t you. It’s Lightwood btw. I have work until 5 pm so I could make 7 pm work._

_Alexander_

20:07

 

**Handsome stranger**

_Alexander Lightwood, I like that. 7pm sounds great, well I’ll see you then Alexander Lightwood ;)_

_xx Handsome stranger_

20:08

**Alec**

_Until then, but I still don’t know your name..:(_

_Alexander_

20:08

 

**Handsome stranger**

_Wait until Saturday ;)_

_xx Handsome stranger_

 

Alec shook his head affectionately at the man’s response. Alec didn’t usually flirt like this, but with this guy it just came natural to him, it felt like they had this amazing connection between the both of them. It felt right and safe. In person was a whole different story, because then Alec was a blubbering mess. He looked down at his phone again and got back to work.

 

***

 

“So, if I understand this right. You invited a random stranger into _our_ apartment, got him one of _your_ shirts and now you’re going on a _date_ with him?” Jace asked.

“Yup,” Alec said simply.

“I don’t know dude, I have a bad feeling about this.”

“Well, quite frankly I don’t care. You do not get to say what I should or shouldn’t do.” Alec replied to Jace’s comment.

“Okay, chill bro. Do whatever you want to do, I was just warning you. You know absolutely nothing about the guy,” Jace tried to reason. Deep down Alec knew Jace meant things well, but it just didn’t sound that way. Jace was a good guy, Alec would trust him with his life, but sometimes he wasn’t very subtle. He just opened his mouth too quickly. It was like this with girls, with co-workers, with family, even with random people on the street. Jace just couldn’t find the right things to say, and he especially couldn’t find the right moment to say them.

“It’s fine, just trust me on this. I have a good feeling about this one,” Alec couldn’t help but let a tiny smile escape. Just thinking about the handsome man brought back the butterflies that he felt when they met.

“He seems different, good different.”

“Well, if you say so. I trust you, but don’t let love make you blind,” Jace advised.

“I won’t,” Alec promised. Right at that moment he got a message from the handsome stranger.

 

**Handsome stranger**

_Hi, Alexander. How are you today? I was going through my closet (I have a big one) and was wondering what I should wear to our date… You have any preferences? Let me know, hope you have a great day_

_xx Handsome stranger_

13:44

 

Alec grinned at his phone, which made Jace roll his eyes.

“Is it from him?” he asked.

“yeah…” Alec responded dreamily.

“Ugh, you’re so gross. Get a room,” Jace teased and threw a pillow at him.

Alec simply didn’t say something and responded to the man.

 

**Alec**

_I don’t really have a sense of fashion, so I guess whatever you’re most comfortable with :)_

_Do you have an idea of what I could/should wear?_

_Alexander_

13:46

 

**Handsome stranger**

_Well, I’d rather have you wear nothing, but that could be a little too soon, don’t you think? ;) Just wear whatever you want, darling. Don’t worry, The restaurant is a little fancy, so maybe a suit?_

_xx Handsome stranger_

13:47

 

**Alec**

_I’ll try my best ;) see you Saturday_

_xx Alexander_

13:47

 

***

 

“And you haven’t told him who you are?” Catarina, Magnus’ manager and best friend, asked when she was having a conversation with Magnus.

“Well, it is not something I should do over text do you think?” he added sarcastically, while he plopped down on the couch after a day of shooting. “I can’t just text him, Oh yeah btw I’m Magnus Bane, a famous actor.”

“And you’re sure he didn’t recognize you, maybe it was just some crazy fan who just wanted to go on a date with you?” Cat raised her eyebrows and got Magnus something to drink. She placed the glass in his hands and got a silent ‘thank you’.

“I think I know the crazy ones by now. But not this one, he seemed different, genuine. I don’t think he knew who is was.”

“And what was his name again?”

“Alexander Lightwood. God, even his name is perfect.” Magnus sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Lightwood? Hm… I think I recognize that name from somewhere…. But I don’t recall.” She got up from her place on the couch and started looking through some papers.

“What are you doing? You’re just messing it all up.”

“A ha. I knew I recognized his name. Here,” she gave Magnus a resume from some dark haired girl, which he didn’t recognize.

“Isabelle Lightwood,” he read aloud.

“Yeah, Isabelle Lightwood. She auditioned for the role of Rosie on the show.”

“Really?” Magnus thought she looked similar to the man he had met. Both the same striking features, dark/black hair and probably created by the gods themselves.

“She does look like him… Maybe they’re brother and sister. Shit, maybe they’re brother and sister!” He yelled.

“Would you relax please? You’re diva is showing,” she smirked.

“Ha ha ha. Was she any good?” he asked his friend.

“Well, what I heard from the casting director she would be the perfect fit.” Magnus smiled at that.

“That’s great for her.”

“Are you still going on a date with him? Dating regular mundanes hasn’t really worked out for you in the past you know.” She advised him.

“And dating celebrities has?” Magnus raised his eyebrows and stood up from the couch. He started pacing around the room.

“No, that’s not what I mean. I just.. he doesn’t know what this is like, he doesn’t understand this world. Maybe this is just going to be too hard for him,” she reasoned.

“I don’t even really know yet, maybe he’ll be different. He seemed different to me.”

“They always seem different, do you want to have a relationship again after what happened last time?” she reminded him.

“I don’t know… but I would like to have a relationship _once_ in a while. I know I’m known for my many partners, but the image has become a little too much. I don’t want to just have meaningless flings or PR relationships. I want something that is real, honest. I want someone I can come home too, who understands me and supports me. I want a real relationship. What I had with Camille wasn’t…. I don’t know. I just want to see what happens.”

Magnus Bane had always been known for his dating lifestyle, one after the other. Never really caring, but that was never real. He just had to deal with a lot of people using him for his fame and popularity. And one thing was certain, it definitely didn’t feel very good. His last long relationship was with this actress, Camille Belcourt. The worst thing that ever happened to him. Camille had emotionally abused him for years, but that is not what the media saw. The media just saw a perfect relationship, that had its ups and downs. So naturally a lot of people were devasted about their break up, while his real life friends were so freaking relieved that they broke things off. But to think of it that had happened over five years ago, after Camille Magnus didn’t really care anymore. He slept around and dated a lot of people, he got used to people calling him names such as ‘slut’ ‘man whore’ and much more vulgar ones, but he just didn’t care anymore. Camille had broken him for a very long time and his friends had to watch him from going bad to worse. But this last year felt like he had finally found himself again, he started working again and said goodbye to his dating life. It felt like a new beginning.

“And you know what? there is nothing wrong with not knowing the future and just waiting. If you want to see where this thing with him is going, then I will support you one hundred percent,” she gave him a big smile, which made him stop pacing. He went around the table and embraced her into his arms.

“Thank you.” Right when she was about to leave his phone buzzed.

“Raphael send me a link to an article, he never does that…” Magnus opened the article on his phone and…

“No!” he said dramatically under his breath.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the second chapter and it's a littel shorter than the first, hope that you'll enjoy this one. It was a little more difficult than the first one, but I promise that it will all work out. Warning: Jace is a bit of a jerk in this chapter. Also I intented to make Alec very insecure in the beginning of this story, so he could have good character development. Thank you for reading xx

“Oh my god, what the hell is this?” Izzy stormed inside the apartment while Jace and Alec were having breakfast.

“What is what?” Alec asked still confused as to why she was yelling.

“This,” she yelled and threw the magazine at her brother’s face. Ugh, it was too early for Izzy’s celebrity gossip. He took another sip of his coffee and decided to check out the page, while Izzy was nervously pacing around the kitchen.

“Iz, what the hell is up with you?” Jace grumbled, with his head in his hands almost dozing off.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood, why in the angel’s sake haven’t you told me you met _The_ Magnus Bane.” She finally got out.

“What?” Alec asked confused.

“Look!” she shoved the magazine back in his face, so he could actually see the picture that was attached to the article. His eyes widened in shock when he realized it. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

“What the hell is this? I don’t understand… This is the guy I was with three days ago, the handsome stranger.” He still couldn’t believe his own eyes, how could he not have realized who he’d met. Magnus Bane, world famous actor. Isabelle talked about him all the damn time, what was even going on right now. How could he not have realized with who he was dealing with? But now that he thought about it,  he only knew the celebrity by name and not by, incredibly handsome, face.

“Wow,” Alec sighed again. His eyes fell on Izzy who was apparently in a permanent shock from his statement.

“You did… what …. You what… I don’t…. You met Magnus freaking Bane and he wants to go on a date with you?” she asked full disbelieve. “He is like my idol, how could you not have recognized him Alec? I thought I taught you better than this.”

“The date! Shit, how can I still go on a date with him, when I know all this. How can I.. why would he…. Izzy help me out here, I don’t know what to say or do.”

“I’m sorry, big brother, but this isn’t known territory for me.” She sighed.

“Shit,” Alec cursed, still uncertain of what to do next. He had to just rationally think about this, what should he do. Should he cancel the date and talk to him about it? should he still go out with him? One thing he was sure of,  he didn’t have the guts to date a celebrity and he wasn’t nearly good enough to date one. But this guy felt different.. He was kind and honest, at least he thought so. Why hadn’t he noticed it? That would’ve saved him from all this trouble. But most importantly why didn’t the guy tell him he was Magnus Bane. Alec just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he had met his sister’s idol and world famous actor Magnus Bane. Why would a guy like him even want a date with Alec? Was this more of a joke? Or was the guy actually interested. Of course he wasn’t interested, he was famous the most Alec could be to him was just some guy. Jace decided to interrupt his thoughts and wanted to bring some insight from his side.

“Alec, listen. What do we know about the guy?” Jace asked him eventually after he did some research. The question wasn’t hypothetical, which Alec didn’t realize at first.

“Um, we know that he is crafted by angels?” Jace just rolled his eyes at the comment.

“No, we know that he is famous. And that he isn’t good at staying away from trouble or the media.” He inquired.

“You don’t know that, do you know his life story?” Alec asked irritated.

“No, but listen. I’ve googled Magnus Bane and all that popped up were articles about his dating life. He has dated almost everybody, he is a real lothario. Are you sure you want to be dating someone like him? Or that you want your relationship to be in the media? Dude, open your eyes. This guy is a player and you know it. He has dated guys, women, I’m not sure who he hasn’t dated.”

“Hey,” Alec interrupted, not liking how Jace talked. “You don’t know that, It’s just articles.”

“Yes, these are just articles, but look. There are so many of them.” he shoved his phone in Alec’s face and Alec started reading some articles. After reading a few, looking at his Instagram and twitter feed, Alec became seriously insecure. What should he do? He couldn’t just abandon the guy. God, Jace was in his head.

“I don’t know what I should do.” Alec put down the phone and put his head in his hands, pulling at some strands of hair.

“Izzy, what do you think I should do?”

“Alec, just listen to me,” Jace interrupted again.

“Jace! Please will you just shut up for a minute, I’m trying to think,” Alec yelled.

“Izzy what do you think?” his eyes cautiously met hers. Izzy sighed heavily and sat down next to Alec on the couch. She swung her arm around him.

“I think you should just follow your heart. If you like him and you want things to happen between you two, you should just go. Maybe you should try to talk to him first.” She gave him a small smile.

“Ugh,” Alec groaned. “I really liked him… I think I still do, but everything has changed. I don’t know if I can handle dating someone that is this popular.” Jace sat down next to Alec too.

“Alec, I don’t mean it in a bad way, but I don’t know if you two are meant to be. It would just come with a lot of complications and responsibilities. And how do you know this guy will even be serious about you, if his experience and reputation speaks for itself, he probably wouldn’t… I’m sorry to say this, but I think it wouldn’t be worth it. You should better stop it, before it has begun.”

“I haven’t even been on a date with this guy, and you’re talking like I should break up with him.”

“Exactly, you can better get out before it is too late.”

“Jace, would you just shut up and let Alec decide for himself what he is going to do?” Izzy glared at him and pulled Alec tighter against her, Izzy always had his back. But Jace did too, he was really confused right now. On one hand, he wanted to see the guy again, but on the other hand it would get really complicated if he did. Alec took a deep breath before he spoke.

“I think Jace is right,” he eventually decided, ignoring the look Izzy gave him. “I just don’t know if it’ll be worth it. What if it doesn’t work out? What if he doesn’t want me like that? I want a relationship that is serious, I need to have a relationship that is serious. And I don’t think he can give me that.”

“But Alec, you don’t know that. You don’t know if that isn’t what he wants. I think you should go and talk to him.”

“I can better not start something we can’t finish. I don’t want to be some guy in a line up from a hundred different guys, is it so wrong that I want to be special?”

“Alec, you’re not listening. You don’t even know him! For god’s sake you haven’t even been on a date with him yet, and you’re already talking about what will and won’t happen? That is just ridiculous.”

“Yes, but look at this.” He gestured towards the magazine. “If this already happened when we just ran into each other, what will happen if we actually start going out?” Izzy just rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot. What happened to the Alec who wouldn’t care about that? You and I both know, this isn’t you talking,” And with that she stormed out the apartment with her magazines in her hand. The room felt silent, until Alec decided to break it.

“I guess I should just cancel right?” he asked his brother.

“But won’t that lead into another conversation? He probably wants to know why?”

“You think I should stand him up? That’s insane Jace, and incredibly disrespectful.” Alec huffed.

“What? He’ll get over it. It’s not like he hasn’t got anything better to do.” Alec supposed there was some truth to that, but he couldn’t do that to the guy could he? No, absolutely not. When his brother saw how distressed he looked he offered a solution.

“What do you think of this? I will text him, with your phone, so you won’t have to. And then I’ll just block him.” This still seemed a little wrong. After a while, considering his options, he gave his phone to Jace. The guy wouldn’t care right? He would just move on to someone better.

Jace did some things on his phone and gave him back to Alec, with the conversation deleted.

“You deleted the conversation too?” he asked with heat behind his voice.

“Yeah, new slate right?”

“I guess..” he said uncertain. “I should go back to work, this thing with Magnus is the least of my worries right now.” He said it even though he didn’t know if that was true.

 

***

 

Magnus was sitting anxiously in his chair, while his makeup artist Clary was doing his makeup.

“Maybe he didn’t see it,” Clary tried, but it didn’t really reassure him.

“Yeah, maybe. But people online are now seriously looking for him. What if he finds out and doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore..  I actually really like him, Clary. Even though I have met him once…” he paused for a second “Okay maybe I shouldn’t move too fast,” that whole sentence was a roller coaster, Clary thought.

“Magnus, stop fidgeting. I can’t fix your hair, if you’re messing it up over and over,” she scolded, which made Magnus immediately stop. “Has he texted you yet?” Magnus just shook his head. “Stay still,” she huffed. “Well, then maybe he hasn’t seen it. Don’t worry so much, you’re a great guy.”

“Well, I know that,” Magnus said confidently and Clary just chuckled.

“If he hasn’t texted you by now, he probably doesn’t know yet. So you better tell him on your date, otherwise it will get messy.”

“Or maybe he is just ignoring me, because he wants nothing to do with me… It is all over social media, how could he not know?” he asked her hypothetically.

“Well..” she mumbled while trying to think of a reason. “maybe he just isn’t a big fan of social media and doesn’t have it.”

“yeah right,” Magnus huffed in reply. “I just don’t want things to ruin tomorrow night.”

“Hey, I get it. You like him. Wish I would’ve found someone by now.”

“At least you have Simon,” he reminded her.

“Yeah I guess… but I would like someone else you know. A real relationship, what Simon and I have is just friendship.”

“And he knows that?” Magnus asked cynical.

“Yes, he does. I think,” she said unsure, Magnus gave her a glare. “What do you want me to do, play him the F.R.I.E.N.D.S theme song?”

Magnus smirked at her comment. “Well, that would be a little harsh for the man.”

“You know I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I just don’t feel more.. And if he does, I just want to let him down easy you know, he is my best friend.”

“I’m sure it’s going to be fine, biscuit. Trust me.”

“Then you should trust me when I say it’s going to be fine.” Clary smiled at him and went back to work.

“Fine, I will,” Magnus smiled at her and decided to have a little faith.

 

***

 

Tonight was the night of the date. Magnus had arranged their table at a very special and delicate restaurant. Hopefully it wasn’t too posh for Alec. The restaurant was expensive, but Magnus had been to more expensive and chic places before. He thought this restaurant would be the way to go. Magnus had texted Alec about ten minutes ago, that he was there. He wouldn’t have thought Alec would’ve been a guy that was late, he expected him to be an always on time kind of guy. Yet, he hadn’t arrived. He looked back at the phone, still no answer. He wondered what it could be, did he forget? Or was he just running late? He hadn’t texted him since the article went public, so he guessed he had yet to see it. While, he waited for Alec to arrive he figured out what to say to him. Should he start with it? Or when the date is over? Like, btw I’m Magnus Bane, famous actor. He guessed the last option wasn’t very good, but maybe he’ll just let it slip out when they’re talking about their work.

“Sir, would you like to order?” a waitress asked him.

“Um. No my date hasn’t arrived yet, but I would like a glass of chardonnay.”

After he drank the second glass, he decided to text Alec. He was over an hour late.

 

**Handsome stranger**

_Alexander, where are you? I’ve been waiting for you, but you still haven’t shown up. Is something wrong? Are you okay?_

_xx Handsome stranger_

The waitress came for a third time asking him if he wanted anything, god this was starting to embarrass him. He decided he would give him another half hour before he would try to call him.

 

“Alexander, um.. I don’t know where you are, or if you’re still coming, but I’ve been waiting here for over an hour and a half and I’m starting to think you’re not coming. If I did something please talk to me. I was really looking forward to this date. I’ll wait, but if you don’t show up in the next half hour, I’m leaving. If something suddenly came up, that’s fine but please contact me. So I don’t look like an idiot.” Which he already did, he thought to himself. He left the voicemail, he could’ve left but he wanted to give Alexander another chance to show up. But he didn’t. After waiting for two hours, he gave up. Magnus paid for his drinks and walked out of the bar, after being completely humiliated. And it hurt so much that Alec didn’t even have de decency to call, like how cruel could a person be.

Magnus grabbed his phone, and decided to call him again. Still no answer.

“You know what? You’re cruel, to let me wait for you that long and not show up, that’s just messed up. What did you think? That I would just leave after ten minutes, honestly I’m not that kind of guy. I looked like a complete idiot in front of everyone at the restaurant, just waiting for you to show up. When we met, I thought you were kind, I never imagined you would be so awful and mean towards me. Like to let me wait that long for a date that never was going to happen, and not even tell me? That is just really cruel, I hope you’re happy with yourself and had a good laugh, ‘cause honestly I have never been this disappointed in anyone in my life. Goodbye, Alec.”

 

***

 

“What an asshole,” Catarina yelled when he had gotten to her place. “Seriously, what a dick. To stand you up? Just like that, what a jerk. Seriously. What did I tell you? Hm?” Magnus groaned from his place on the couch, face smushed on one of the cushions.

“That I should’ve been careful and not get my hopes up, Yeah I know Cat. But can you please wait with the ‘you deserve better speech’. Would you just indulge me in my sorrow please?”

“Ugh, actors, always so dramatic.” she sighed. “Magnus, he was just a guy. A guy you met on the streets nonetheless. Did you really think that it would’ve worked out?” she asked her friend.

“I don’t know, I just thought he was different. He didn’t seem like the guy who would do this. I just.. I don’t know, he seemed different.” Magnus turned his back on Catarina, not wanting to hear her speech.

“They all do, honey. Doesn’t mean that they are,” she scolded him.

“Can’t you just give me a tube of ice cream and some alcohol. I need a drink,” Magnus whined.

“Where has my confident Magnus disappeared to?” Catarina walked over to the kitchen to fetch a wine bottle and started pouring Magnus the highly demanded drink.

“He was left at the restaurant that is now forever filled with shame and humiliation, although I did leave him a nasty voicemail though,” he smirked while sipping his wine.

“Come on, Magnus. The guy isn’t worth it, for you to act like this. It wasn’t even a relationship, you have grieved less for an actual one.”

“It wasn’t so much of what I did have with him, but more about what I could have. I don’t know, he felt special to me. Guess I’m not that great at judging someone’s character,” he gulped the drink down and gave his empty glass to Catarina, for her to fill it again.

“I thought, we’d learned that with Camille,” she said cynical.

“Ugh… I’m pathetic. You know what?” Magnus said, who seemed to get in a better mood. That could’ve been caused by the alcohol, but who knows.   
“What?” she decided to play this game with him.

“I’m done with that guy, he doesn’t deserve any of this,” he slurred a little while he was gesturing at his body. Catarina just started laughing, which made Magnus glare at her intently.

“Are you saying, I’m not hot?” he put his hand dramatically over his heart.

“Magnus Bane, you are the hottest of them all,” she joked. “I’ll raise my glass to being hot, cheers.”

“Cheers,” Magnus laughed.

“But seriously, you need to lose the guy’s number. No harm no foul.”

“yeah, I guess you’re right,” Magnus silently said, when she was out of the room. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and searched for Alec’s contact, he looked at their messages and he just couldn’t delete it. Something said that this wasn’t over. He put his phone back in his pocket when Catarina walked back in, with Alexander’s phone number still in it.

“Deleted,” he promised her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Leave some kudos and comments if you want, they are really appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I posting another chapter again today? Yes, yes I am. Don't get used to it, though... I don't know when the next chapter will come, hopefully soon. There is mention of rape and almost rape, but it's not graphic at all. Also I stumbeled upon a great and emotional video today and I really recommend to watch this video: [ video ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anD9ZrMJT8k)  
> Also #SaveShadowhunters

Alec was at the precinct working on his latest case. He looked through some of the paperwork to figure out what to do. He had been working on this case for a month now, but he still couldn’t figure who was responsible. There were few witnesses and little to no evidence. But he just couldn’t let the girl down, he couldn’t. The guy who did that to her deserved to be punished, whoever he was. He remembered the night she walked in and screamed for help. She was soaking wet from the stormy weather and her makeup had ran down her face. When Alec got to her she started yelling and crying about what happened. Alec had sat her down, got her some fresh clothes and talked to her. He knew that, that always helped the most, just talking with someone about what happened. By the end of their conversation she was still breathing fast and violently shaking and Alec couldn’t help but feel enraged. The girl, Claire, had been at a club with her friends. And while she said she drank a little, she ended up intoxicated. She said she was just dancing one moment, and the next she saw a man hovering over her trying to take off her clothes. She couldn’t move out of fright. When the man pulled down her pants she heard a door open, but still saw a little hazy. The figure yelled at the man and the coward got away. When the girl finally realized what actually happened to her she broke down in front of Alec. Alec saw the moment she knew what almost happened to her and it broke something inside her. And the only thing Alec could think of was Izzy, what if something like this happened to her? What if she was in that situation? He pulled the girl carefully closer, at first she hesitated but then melted in his arms. By then Alec had made it his personal mission to find the guy and take him down, because this probably wasn’t the first time it happened because of him. When the girl calmed down a little, they took her to an hospital and got her checked out. She indeed had some drugs in her system, which would make her forget about the things that happened. When Alec visited her again she just had this blank stare and wasn’t registering anything he said. She just looked so lost, so traumatized. It was horrible, Alec shook away the memory and tried to focus again when Maia, his partner, came to his desk.

“Alec, you should go home. It’s late, please. I know you want to finish this, but this isn’t healthy,” she said concerned.

“I can’t just do nothing, when I know that some other girl can have the same experience she did…. It’s just… I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about Izzy. What if it was her?” Alec still wasn’t looking at her and took a sip from his coffee again.

“I know that you’re very protective Alec and it’s one of your best traits, but you can’t beat yourself up like this. Claire wouldn’t want that.”

“Maybe she wouldn’t, but I want justice for her! I want that asshole caught and not be able to do something like that ever again! Maia, her body was harassed and there is not a thing I can do to make her feel better, except catch the guy that harmed her. You didn’t see the way her eyes spoke to me when she realized what he had done to her, it was heartbreaking. I can’t just let this go, I’m sorry but I can’t.”

“Alec, just listen to me. I get it, trust me, I get it. But I’m speaking from experience here, nothing you do or say can make it go away. Not the guy being caught, not therapy. It just… takes over your life. And I know that she would be very grateful for all the work you’ve done, but she wouldn’t want this to take over your life too. She’s just glad that someone believes her and wants to listen to her, because I would’ve loved to have that.” Maia’s eyes teared up a bit at the last part. Alec knew about her history and the things she had to go through. After years working with her, she had opened up a bit. Maia was and still is so strong. She grew up with an abusive brother and when he died her parents just wouldn’t care about her anymore. She moved out at 18 and got a boyfriend. The beginning of their relationship was great, but little by little he started to become abusive and controlling. But nobody believed her, she filed a report, but nothing came of it. The cops wouldn’t believe her, even her friends wouldn’t believe her. She was all alone in the world, until finally Luke, his superior, reached out to her. Ever since, he became a father figure for Maia and Alec was damn happy she finally got one. So Maia was troubled, but she was still the kindest and most protective person he knew. Alec stood up from his chair and gave her a hug, “I’m so sorry, Maia.”

 “It’s fine. Alec, she will get better eventually. She won’t see his face whenever she closes her eyes, she’ll move on. Will the memory and the pain ever go away? No. but she’s strong, I can feel it. So don’t blame yourself when you can’t find evidence or when you can’t catch the guy. It’s not your fault that there are horrible people out there, we’ll just have to find the good ones to get us through it all.”

“You’re very wise Maia,” he chuckled.

“I’ve been told,” she winked at him. “But I also know that you’ll still won’t give it a rest. So I might as well help you.”

“Thanks.”

“What about the guy that found her, did he saw something?”

“Haven’t really gotten the chance to talk to him. Claire said that he’s been visiting her at the hospital. I did talk to him one time, he gave me a description of the guy, but more than that he couldn’t give me,” Alec stated and gave Maia the report.

“Then we’ll just have to talk to him again, right?”

“Right.”

 

***

 

Isabelle walked past the coffee shop straight towards Alec’s work to tell him the good news. She got a friendly smile from Luke, and a wink from Maia.

“Hi, big brother,” she happily said when she saw her brother hunched over a table.

“Hey, Iz. What are you doing here?” He looked up with bags under his eyes and dishevelled hair.

“Woah, you do not look good. Have you slept at all last night?” she reached out and smoothed her hand over his face. Alec grumbled in response.

“Yes, I have slept. A little.”

“He didn’t,” Maia yelled from afar. Izzy sighed heavily and looked disappointedly at Alec.

“Alec, you know I love you, but sometimes you are really stupid. You need to sleep. I can’t even let you out of my sight for one second,” Izzy huffed out.

“Hey, would you get off my case please. I already have enough on my plate, this investigation is taking its toll on me. I know I should sleep and eat and relax, but I just can’t do that when he is still out there. I just can’t let it go, so please if you want to scold me, which Maia already did, for this than you know where the exit is,” Alec snapped.

“Sorry to bother you, didn’t know you would be so grumpy.” She rolled her eyes at him.

“Izzy please, I have enough stuff already. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t stop thinking and I’m just this close to a mental breakdown. I just… I don’t know,” Alec said desperate. Izzy walked around the desk and kneeled down in front of him. She wrapped one arm around him, which made Alec sigh.

“I get that you’re stressed, Alec. But please don’t burn yourself up for this. The world’s fate isn’t your responsibility. You might think it is, but it isn’t. I know how you are when it comes to these things, but you don’t have to carry your burdens alone. I’m right here, we’ll get through this, together.”

“I’m sorry, Iz. I’ve just been so stressed about this case, it’s just so horrific. I got no clues or evidence or even witnesses and it is stressing me out. You’re not the only one who is trying to convince me to take a break, Maia constantly checks up on me and it is starting to drive me nuts,” he said a little too loud for his liking.

“I love you too, you idiot,” he heard Maia yell.

“God, Maia is great,” Izzy chuckled. She looked up at her brother again and brushed a strand out of his eyes.

“Thank you, Izzy. For caring for me,” he whispered.

“Always,” she smiled back.

“I guess it is a little obvious you’re burned out when even the guy you’ve met once knows you’re stressed.” Izzy tilted her head confused and waited for Alec to elaborate.

“Oh, it’s just… Magnus umm.. when we were texting he always told me to take time for myself and not to worry so much, no big deal.” Isabelle shook her head

“Alec, in all honesty. Why didn’t you go on a date with him?”

“I don’t know, he’s a celebrity why would he be interested in me? I’m just going to bore him with my life. And besides he’s had so many partners, I don’t want to be just anybody to him. Just a guy he had a fling with,” he sighed.

“Alec, we both know that is not you talking but Jace. He put those ideas in your head and I can’t believe you agree with him. That’s not the Alec that I know, the Alec that I know wouldn’t judge someone that easily. I get that you’re probably insecure and didn’t want to risk anything, but without risks what are you doing with your life?” she asked him sincerely.

“You think I should’ve given him a chance?”

“Yes, I do,” she answered. "I think you shouldn't have listened to Jace, most of the time he isn't even right." She stated and made Alec chuckle. They both were silent for a couple of minutes, until Izzy realized why she was there.

“I have to tell you something,” she said with glee, which made Alec sit up on his chair. “I got the part,” she whispered. Izzy beamed when she saw her brother’s proud wide eyes. He quickly got of the chair and started twirling Izzy.  
“Oh my god, Izzy that is so great. I’m so proud of you, I always knew you could do it.”

“Brother, I’m getting dizzy over here,” she chuckled at her brother’s expression. He quickly put her back down.

“Why didn’t you start with that? We’ve been talking about me all this time.”

“Alec, I’m going to say this one last time, you and you’re health are more valuable to me than any role could ever be.” She gave him a stern look, while she hugged him close.

“Fine,” Alec grumbled, but the scowl soon turned into a big smile. “Let’s have dinner tonight, to celebrate. We could invite Jace and Meliorn if you want to.”

“Yes, let’s. But just the two of us. I want to celebrate with the one who always put his faith in me, even when I didn’t have it myself.” She beamed at him an poked him jokingly in the stomach.

“Iz….” Alec quickly embraced her before he could start weeping.

When Izzy left Alec got his phone out of his pocket and searched for his contact. He took a deep breath and decided to unblock Magnus.

 

**Alec**

_Hi, I know I don’t have any right to just text you again, but I’m sorry I wasn’t willing to give this a chance. I’m sorry I cancelled our date, wish I wouldn’t have done that._

_Alexander_

14:05

 

***

 

“He texted you?” Clary asked completely shocked.  
“Yeah, I know right. What kind of nerve does he have. And the fact that he says he cancelled the date is just ridiculous,” countered Magnus. He and Clary were having lunch when he got a text from Alec. Magnus was utterly surprised as to why the guy was texting him again. He was the one who didn’t show up and to have the nerve to say that he cancelled it before hand was just incredible. How a guy could be so cruel and heartless, Magnus will never understand. Of all the bad things that had happened to Magnus, being stood up is just utterly awful. It is so humiliating and to think that Magnus was actually really looking forward to the date. Alec was truly on another level, it felt like he had two personalities, the one that texts him and the one that stood him up.

“What are you going to text back?” Clary interrupted his thoughts.

“Why do you think I’m going to text him back?” Magnus raised his eyebrow and took a sip of his mimosa.

“I don’t know, I guess I just thought you wanted to show him a piece of your mind,” she chuckled. Clary had been a good friend to him ever since he started in the business. He used to be friends with her mom and when she died they just grew closer together. It felt like Clary was his little sister, she also was a great makeup artist/ hairstylist. She always wanted to be a painter, and boy could she paint, but it didn’t really work out. And when she was rejected for the fourth time in a row, she decided to take another career path. Magnus introduced her to makeup and ever since she’s been doing his, when he doesn’t have time for it. Luke, Clary’s stepfather, was also a very decent guy. They met a few times and Magnus really was fond of the guy. He worked as a detective with the NYPD, more than that he didn’t really know of the guy. Only what he did and that he was a great guy.

“I already left him a voicemail that night, which he didn’t get I guess. Since his text didn’t indicate that he had listened to it.” Magnus wanted to give the guy another chance, but his head told him not to. And by head he meant Catarina.

“Maybe I’ll text him something. But I can’t scold him that much, since his little sister is going to play Rosie.”

“She is?” Clary asked not knowing about this new change.

“Yup, she was the best and since I’m directing it, I want the best actress for the role. I want this show to do well,” he answered.

“But don’t you have to see Alec again then?” she asked worried.

“I think I’m going to have to see him again, unfortunately. But if she just doesn’t bring him to set, then I’m good.”

 

 

***

 

“So, you must be the amazing Isabelle Lightwood. It is a pleasure to meet you,” Magnus walked over to where she nervously fidgeted with her wardrobe on set. She looked at the outstretched hand like it was going to kill her.

“Don’t worry I don’t bite,” Magnus joked. “Mostly.” Isabelle finally found her voice again.

“Um.. yeah. Um..” but a lot of useful sentences weren’t found. “I.. Isabelle, yes.” She stammered.

“Did I catch you in a bad moment or are you always this nervous?” Magnus tilted his head confused whilst he still gave Izzy a reassuring smile. Isabelle shook her head and seemed to be over the initial shock.

“I’m sorry, so sorry. I don’t usually get like this, most of the time I’m really smooth. It’s just that you are my inspiration and my idol. I have admired your work since day one, it’s an honour to meet you Mr. Bane.” She managed to say.

“Such flattery,” he replied with a blush? Magnus Bane didn’t blush or did he? “I’ve heard great things about you too. And I am looking forward to working with you. You’re stuttering and stammering does remind me of someone,” he raised his eyebrows a little, their mannerisms were oddly similar. Even though Isabelle seemed much more confident than her brother.

“Right, about that… Mr. Bane,” she started, but was interrupted by Magnus who talked over her clearly not willing to discuss her brother with her at the moment.

“Call me Magnus, please. And tell me something about you, you are one of the leads so I would like to get to know you. You probably already know this, but I’m going to direct some of the episodes, but I will also star in some as well,” he said with a smile on his lips.

“I wasn’t really informed about any of this show, except the part and the story. So consider me surprised,” she chuckled nervously.

“In good ways I hope,” he said smoothly.

“Definitely,” she began. “Sorry that I’m a little absent, but I’m a little nervous. Today is my first day here.”

“I know, but don’t worry, darling. It’s going to be fun, you’ll see. Ever worked on a big set before?” he asked her.

“No, never. This is the first time that directors actually gave me a chance,” she said shyly.

“Can’t imagine why, I saw your audition and was quite literally blown away. You are very talented my dear.” Izzy was a good actress, she knew that herself. But she was never good enough, it seemed. There was always someone better than her, someone prettier. So Magnus saying this, was immensely appreciated.

“Wow, thank you so much. That means a lot to me.” Magnus got called over and had to leave.

“I’ll see you around, my dear. Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. Hope to speak to you soon,” he winked and left with someone.

 

***

 

Izzy was pacing around Alec’s loft, waiting for Alec to finally arrive home. Her first week had been great, she and Magnus went out to get lunch to get to know each other better. She still couldn’t believe that Magnus Bane had some interest in her. She was just an ordinary actress, but they actually really hit it off. He was so kind and funny and seemed so real, nothing like she imagined him to be. They hadn't talked about the whole Alec thing, since Magnus was clearly uncomfortable about that and Izzy obviously felt really bad for the guy. She left it alone, since she didn't want to pry. But the point was now, she had to tell Alec about it. And she didn’t really know how he would take the news. Besides she needed a date for the party Magnus was holding to celebrate the beginning of the new show. She wanted to ask Meliorn at first, but she realized they were on a break right now and she probably shouldn’t. She did not want to invite Jace, since he was a little against the whole ‘Hollywood thing’. And to be honest she didn’t have a lot of friends, since she spend all her time with her brothers. She always wanted a friend, so she hoped that Magnus and her could be friends. Same as the makeup artist, Clary. She seemed really nice and positive. She guessed a few new faces couldn’t hurt and had to remind herself that she should ask the girl’s phone number so they could hang out some time. Her busy rambling, inside her head, got disturbed by the front door opening. In came a horribly exhausted Alec, with some takeout. 

“Alec you’re home,” she cheered a little too loud for his liking since he winced.

“Iz, wha you doin here?” he slurred a little, clearly exhausted.

“I’m coming to surprise my big brother is that so wrong?” she asked a little slimy, which made Alec squint his eyes not trusting her intentions when she spoke like that.

“What do you want?” he asked her.

“Nothing, let me take that,” she offered taking the bags of food to the kitchen. “You’re clearly exhausted big brother, you should take a nap. And I will make you some food in the meantime, takeout isn’t very healthy,” she scolded.

“Nooo!” Alec almost screamed. Rushing over to her. “Iz, as much as I love you. You know you can’t cook even if your life depended on it. And I would rather keep my life, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t poison me.” Izzy scoffed at her older brother and returned to the living room.

“You know you can ask me anything right? You don’t have to worry about my reaction to things, so whatever it is spill it.”

“Okay, I was wondering… if you wanted.. to…” she stammered.

“Yes?”

“If you wanted to go to this work party with me as my plus one. It is a start of the season/show kind of party. It should be really fun.”

“Sure, I guess. Are you sure you want to take me?” he questioned.

“Yes, I’m sure,” she said determined but still avoided eye contact with Alec.

“Is there something else you want to tell me?” and there it was the question she needed to answer Alec, since she hadn’t told him one thing about Magnus being on the show/ directing the show.

“Okay, so this is really going to sound funny,” she chuckled nervously.

“Iz, just spill it out for god’s sake.”

“Magnus is one of the directors and actors from the show and it is his party you’re going to be attending. I met him earlier and we started to kind of become friends, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” she got out in one breath. After she was done she took a deep breath and waited for Alec to respond.

“Okay…..” Alec didn’t know how to respond to that. “Don’t know how to process that but I guess it’s fine. Great for you to have met your idol right?”

“yeah,” she said unsure. “Are you not mad?”

“What, why would I be mad? I don’t tell you what to do Iz, you do that yourself. It’s going to be weird seeing Magnus again, but that shouldn’t stand in the way of your career and friendships.” Izzy smiled to herself, how could she have ever thought Alec would react badly to the news, he always has been so supportive of everything she does.

“Do you still want me to go to that party, though?” Alec said from the kitchen while he grabbed some of the food he’d brought.

“If you’ll still want to.”

“I want to, I don’t think I’ll even interact with him. He hasn’t responded to my text, so I guess he just isn’t feeling it. But I’ll promise not to embarrass you or harass any of your co-stars. How cute they might be,” he joked. “You want something as well?” he gestured towards the food.

“Yeah, sure.” When Alec walked over to the kitchen, he couldn’t help but notice the magazine that was laying in front of the door. He picked it up and looked carefully at the cover. It was Magnus together with some other girl, laughing like they were having too much fun. Alec swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat.

“See, he’s already moved on,” Alec murmured to Izzy.

“Alec…”

“I’ll get your dinner,” Alec changed the subject and didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Magnus clearly was out of Alec’s reach, Alec felt really stupid thinking that he might get a second chance with the guy. The reality was probably that Magnus hadn’t even cared about this whole thing with him. He knew he was too average for him, but he still used to have this tiny piece of hope, even though he was the one who had cancelled their date.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The day of the party is here, but don't get too excited. It's going to be bittersweet. Alec and Magnus talk, finally, but is it going to a good talk? probably not. Also we got a little Izzy and Alec cute sibling moment.  
> Warning: you're going to hate Alec for a bit in this chapter, I did too. But I felt like I wanted him to have this kind of reaction in order to make things right with Magnus, because that is going to happen. But he's a jerk in this chapter. Also I stole a line from the tv show. :)  
> Jace is finally confronted and is a dick about it. You will find out more about his whole thing in another chapter.  
> !Also there is a lot of cursing going on!  
> Hope you'll like it xx

To say that Alec wasn’t looking forward to the party was an understatement. He had been dreading going all week long, but he didn’t want to disappoint Izzy. She wanted him there so badly, which was weird since she usually wasn’t so clingy. Magnus still hadn’t responded to his texts, he was probably still pissed about the whole thing. Alec didn’t quite understand why, because he was the one being lied to. Well, you couldn’t really call it lying…. Magnus technically didn’t lie, he had just avoided the truth. But Alec was still allowed to feel petty about the whole thing, especially since Magnus had moved on so quickly. Alec wanted to stay at home and sulk on the couch, but he promised Izzy. So here he was standing in front of the mirror in one of his best party outfits, he thought so himself. And waiting for Izzy to pick him up. When she finally arrived they quickly got in the car and drove to Magnus’ apartment. Alec didn’t really know what he had expected, but this wasn’t it. The place was huge and so fashionable. He knew Magnus was a classy guy, that much was clear, but the place was out of this world. His living room was already full with people, co-stars and crewmembers, Alec assumed. He glared around the room, until his eye found the person he was subconsciously looking for. Magnus Bane. Wow. He looked even more beautiful than the first time they saw each other. He wore a burgundy suit, with a black shirt. The golden cufflinks really shone  when the lighting was just right. To tie the whole look together, Magnus wore his hair pretty casually. Alec was still thoroughly studying the guy when Magnus’ eyes met his. Alec could’ve sworn that the time stopped for a while, how cliché that might sound. Alec finally was released from Magnus’ intense stare when Izzy grabbed his sleeve and tugged lightly on it.

“You okay?” she asked with a hint of concern in her voice. Alec swallowed visibly, his mouth felt a little dry after looking at Magnus for so long.

“yeah, I’m fine. Just forgot how gorgeous the guy is,” Alec said a little defeated.

“Hey,” Izzy smiled. “You’re not so bad either, you’re a Lightwood Alec. We’re known for our good looks.”

“Guess I’m the black sheep in the family then,” he brushed the comment off like it was no big deal. But of course Izzy caught on.

“Hey, don’t sell yourself so short. No more insecurities, okay? At least not for tonight.”

After getting himself and his sister a drink, Alec saw someone approaching who he didn’t really want to be approaching.

“Isabelle,” Magnus cheered. “Good to see you, my darling.” He hugged Izzy and didn’t spare Alec a glance. When Magnus pulled away from the hug, his eyes met Alec’s. And boy looked Magnus mad, but he put that aside for a fake smile. And an equally cheery: “Alec, good to see you too.” _Alec_. So I’m back to Alec, he thought. Magnus dropped the façade and turned on his heels. As quickly as he arrived, he disappeared in the crowd.  
“Ouch,” Izzy said next to him.

“Shut up,” he hissed giving her a light push. “Don’t you have some co-workers to mingle with?”

 

***

Magnus had been chatting, greeting and laughing with people all night. And Alec just couldn’t let it go. He spend his night in the corner of the room just observing the people in it. But his eye seemed to catch Magnus more times than he was willing to admit. He was flirting with one person after the other, how could he have moved on so quickly? Alec had thought they had a real connection that one time. One time, he realized. He was absolutely pathetic, they had only met one time before and he was already completely gone for the guy. He wanted to be upset with Magnus for lying, but he had forgotten how incredibly gorgeous the guy was. Especially in this suit that had hugged his curves oh so deliciously, god no, Alec. He thought to himself. He needed to stay strong, Magnus Bane was a liar. The worst thing from the entire night was the fact that he had to sit there and watch Magnus flirt with so many guests. It just made him feel exchangeable and worthless. He secretly hoped that he had made as much of an impression on Magnus as he had made on him. Which made him furious, who was Magnus to just play with people’s emotions that way. He wanted to talk to the guy.

 

“Hi, can we talk?” he asked shy, not sure what the other was going to respond.

“We have nothing to discuss.” Magnus glared at him over his shoulder.  
“Please?” Alec almost begged. Magnus let out a groan and a muffled ‘fine’ and led him through the hallway to one of his rooms.

“So you want to talk? Let’s talk,” taunted Magnus.

“You never texted me back,” Alec stated. “I texted you so many times, why haven’t you texted me back?”

“Are you really doing this right now? After everything you’ve done?” Magnus was completely baffled at the guy’s question.

“What do you mean?”

“I really can’t get into this right now,” Magnus chuckled condescending and started walking away from Alec, to be grabbed by the arm and pulled back in.

“I want to get into this right now, you can’t just treat me like I’m some replaceable object! I know you’ve been with maybe thousands of different people, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat people like shit! I know how you celebrities are, you just don’t care about the things you do that can hurt people, do you? This is all just a game to you, isn’t it? You flirt, you laugh, but at the end of the day what do you risk? People aren’t toys for you to play with. I get that it was a sucky move to cancel our date, but please be a decent human being and accept my apology.” Alec blurted out before even realizing what he was saying. He didn’t mean it, of course he didn’t. He was just stressed and upset.

“Oh so you suddenly know all about me don’t you? You think that you can just judge me, even though you know nothing about me? Not to mention that you fucking stood me up, Alec! Cancelling, pff..” Magnus huffed.

“What do you..” Alec looked confused at Magnus, trying to figure out what he had meant.

“But the nerve you have to come in here and start insulting me in my own home!”

“I’m..”

“You have no idea how insulting this is and how disrespectful. At least your sister has some class.”

“Magnus, I didn’t..” Alec tried again, but Magnus just snapped.

“No you know what? Fuck you, fuck all of the people who think they know me just because they read about me. Who think that they can judge me based on blatant lies. I’m still my own person, I still have feelings. You can’t just accuse me of something when you don’t know half of the story. You don’t know me Alec, you don’t know me! How dare you assume that these stupid fucking lies are true?  I’m sick of all these people who decided that I’m just some piece of trash that nobody wants. I’m sick of it!”

“But I..”

“You’re just as bad as everybody else, Fuck you for believing the things you read. Fuck you for judging me before I had the chance to get to know you. Fuck you for hurting me. You hurt me, Alec. You did! As did so many other people. So would you just kindly fuck off please?” Magnus poked Alec in the chest with every sentence he said, close to letting all the tears he had been holding for so many years go. He was sick and tired of people thinking they knew him, thinking they could get something from him. Sick and tired! He was so much more than just a famous actor who had ‘gone wild’ and they weren’t even willing to believe he wasn’t some selfish prick who couldn’t care less. _Alec_ wasn’t even willing to believe he wasn’t some selfish prick. Magnus thought he was different, but apparently not. Better not to waste any more oxygen on him, right?

“I just wanted the truth Magnus,” Alec breathed out, not willing to let Magnus go. Not like this.

“He wants the truth he says, Ha. You want the truth the media tells you or the actual truth? You want to know me? Hmmm,” Magnus said condescending and closed in on him again. Catarina quickly came around the corner when she realized what was happening. Not yet intervening. “You want to know how I was abandoned by my own mother when I was nine or do you want to know how my own stepfather abused me for four years? You want to talk about that? Or the time I was kicked to the curb by many, many foster homes? Hmm? You don’t know me Alec and you have no idea who I was or who I became. So you have no right to judge me based on those stupid little magazines you read. I hope that answered your fucking question,” Magnus stormed off towards Catarina and let her drag him away. Away from this messed up conversation. Catarina glared at him, and he was sure if looks could kill he would’ve been dead. And she might have flipped him off in the process of dragging Magnus away. What was that? Alec asked himself. He wanted to slap himself for treating Magnus that way, he wasn’t _that_ guy. He usually didn’t judge someone based on other’s opinions, so why was this time different?

 

***

 

After excusing himself to Izzy, he took a cab home and wanted to forget this entire night. God, he felt like a jerk. How could he have been so selfish, judgmental and so shallow? Just because he was upset with Magnus? And the most important thing was that he didn’t even understand that entire conversation. Sure he knew he said some stupid stuff, but he didn’t stood Magnus up, he cancelled. When he arrived at their apartment he threw his jacket on the coat hanger and kicked his shoes off. He plopped down on the couch with a deep and loud groan. He was still mentally wrapping his head around the evening, when Jace came back from the kitchen with two beers.

“Tough night?” he asked while handing Alec one and sitting down on the chair across from him.

“You could say that… Running into Magnus wasn’t the best experience I’ve had,” Alec answered indifferent.

“That bad?” Jace sighed. “I told you he would be bad news.”

“Ha ha ha, so you just want to gloat? Well, then you’re not in the right place. I was the jerk this time, I completely humiliated him and was just an ass.”

“You two talked? Why? I thought you were done with this dude.”

“Guess not,” Alec murmured. “The talk was kind of heavy, I confronted him. Said some pretty harsh things and he wouldn’t have it.”  
“Typical, can’t take criticism.”

“Oh, hell. What do you know about that?” Alec grumbled and threw a pillow his way.  
“Could you stop saying Magnus was in the wrong for one second and actually realize that I was the ass here?” Alec scolded him, sick of his attitude. He got a grumble in return.

“There is just one thing I really don’t understand about the conversation we had. Magnus kept going on and on about how I stood him up. But I cancelled our date. Actually you cancelled our date…. you did cancel it right?” Alec asked with a little menace in his voice.

“Uh.. I um..” Jace barely got out suddenly all too aware of what his brother was asking him.

“Right?” Alec said a little more threatening than last time.

“I might have… accidentally… not,” Jace admitted while visibly terrified of Alec’s response.

“YOU WHAT?!” Alec yelled.  
“Fine, I didn’t text him that. I just deleted your conversation and blocked him. The guy is famous, Alec. He wouldn’t have cared. I didn’t want you having your heart broken by him.” Alec stood up in rage.

“That is not your call to make, Jace! I can take care of myself, you don’t have to protect me from ‘heartbreak’. Apparently he did care, he was humiliated and embarrassed by the whole situation. I told you to cancel, that I didn’t want to stand him up. Because it was cruel! Jace, how could you do this? I never realized you were this mean.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little melodramatic there, Alec. You’ve met the guy twice, twice! And now suddenly he is the love of your life?”

“That is none of your business,” Alec bit back.

“Well, it was when you started moping around and started involving me,” he gritted out.

“Oh, my bad for wanting to involve my brother more in my life. My fucking bad.”

“Alec, please.” He huffed. “You’ll get over it eventually, he probably has moved on already and you won’t have your heart broken by this guy. I was trying to protect you from yourself, you’re not always the best judge of character, you’ve fallen for the most selfish and horrible guys that treated you like shit. Remember Raj or James, hmm.. They weren’t good enough for you. Hell, you even admitted to have a crush on me, man.”

“For the last time, I didn’t have a crush on you! You were just always there and I just started to figure out I was gay. You were just… present. And I didn’t interact that much with other guys, so….. And since when do you decide who is good enough for me?”

“Someone has to look out for you.”

“I can do that perfectly by myself. You know what Jace? You’re a real jerk. Your intentions might be ‘good’, but your actions are twisted. You’ve seen me hurt so many times, I know. But what gives you the right to do the exact same to some other guy. You don’t know Magnus, I don’t know Magnus. You’ve put these twisted thoughts in my mind and I don’t like that I accepted them. I’ve judged too quickly, you’ve judged too quickly. I don’t need protection, I’m 26 for god’s sake. I can take care of myself.”  
“Okay, so now what?” Jace rolled his eyes at him.

“Now, I’m going to take a walk towards Izzy’s apartment and stay over at hers. And tomorrow I’m going to apologize to Magnus and explain the whole situation. I’ll see you.” Alec slammed the door on his way out. His breath caught in his throat and he began to breath a little faster and heavier, until he eventually felt a little dizzy. All those thoughts from before just kept running in his mind, making sure he wouldn’t forget.

 

***

 

After Alec had walked around for a while he started to head towards Izzy’s. He had her extra key for emergencies, and well.. this was an emergency. He tried to collect his thoughts, but there were just too many. He knew he was maybe a little overreacting, Jace had always been there for him and just wanted to protect him. He just didn’t get why he lied, he could take care of himself. And now Magnus was mad at him for standing him up, the whole issue just felt wrong. Alec yelling at Magnus. Jace lying. Magnus being upset. And Alec was just so damn tired. Alec knew that he had to apologize, but would Magnus even forgive him after all the horrible things he had said. Sure, the standing up thing wasn’t his fault, but all the things he had said to Magnus were just plain wrong. He never thought he would be this judgmental. He walked around Izzy’s loft in search for blankets and some pillows. He laid them on the couch and looked at the clock. 00:12 it read. She had to be home soon right? He had texted her his situation to be sure, just in case she came home hammered and was spooked by his presence. The sudden realization hit him, Izzy had asked him to come to this party with her that was clearly important and he just had to confront Magnus. Ugh… Alec put his head in his hands trying to comprehend what was going on with him. Had he been so upset that he had forgotten about his own sister? Well not totally forgotten, he had told her he was leaving. Izzy was more important than anything and he had let her down. He was going to fix this, he thought. But soon his thoughts were forgotten, when Izzy all of the sudden came through the door. When Alec saw her he just broke down, all the stuff that’s been happening lately came out all at once.

After Alec told Izzy about everything, she had just hugged him.

“It’s going to be okay, Jace is a jerk we already knew that,” she tried to lighten the mood. It seemingly worked since Alec cracked a smile. “But I never would’ve guessed he would do such thing.” Alec just hummed in her shoulder.

“I know you’re stressed out about your work and this whole thing with Magnus, but there’s always a solution to our problems. As long as we have each other, right?” Izzy pulled away a little, but Alec wasn’t having it and tugged her closer again.  
“How am I gonna fix this? I don’t want him hating me. I actually like him…”

“Okay here is what we are going to do. Tomorrow you’ll go to work with me and apologize to Magnus. Then you’re going to ask Luke for a free day and we’re going to spend it together. Before you say anything, Maia can take over your work. She knows you need some time off and I already contacted her. And then I’m going to call Jace and yell at him for doing this to you, I might threaten him a little bit, but as much as he can annoy us or do stupid things, he’s still our brother.”

“Have I told you how much I love you lately?” Alec asked her.

“Don’t recall you saying something like that,” Izzy teased him.

“Well I do. And I’m so proud of you right now.”

“Thank you. I love you too, lots. Now try to get some sleep brother, we’ll talk in the morning.”

Alec snuggled back against the sofa and closed his eyes, Izzy leaned over and gave her brother a sweet kiss on the cheek.

“Good night, Alec.”

“Where are you going?” Alec mumbled against the cushion.

“I’m going to bed,” Izzy said confused.

“Do you mind staying here for a little while?” Alec said with a soft voice. Izzy smiled at him and laid down next to Alec on the couch, she wrapped her arms tightly around him.

“Not even a little bit.”

“It’s going to be okay, right?” Alec murmured.

“It’s going to be okay.”

 

***

 

“Hi biscuit, can we talk?” Magnus asked Clary when she opened the door to her apartment.

“Yeah, sure. What’s wrong, you seem distressed.” Clary took off his coat and led him to the living room.

“I’m fine, It’s just. I can’t really talk to Catarina about this, don’t get me wrong I love her to pieces, but she’s a little too protective. Once I’m hurt she’ll turn into a mama bear and rip the poor guy/girl apart.” Magnus chuckled at the image that popped up in his mind.

“Yeah, she is quite protective of you. She just wants to show you how much she cares about you and loves you. Nothing wrong with that.” Clary was always so sweet and kind, never judging a book by its cover.

“Absolutely not, but I need some objectivity right now. And she can’t give me that. She’ll just curse him out for treating me that way.” Magnus walked over towards Clary’s fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. “Is this okay?”

“Yes, of course. Who is he?”

“Oh, Alec.” Magnus poured himself a drink and chucked it down in one go.

“Alec?  I thought you were done with him? There are many things you can say about your life, Mags. Boring isn’t one of them.”

“Nope, so I had this party, right? For everybody on the cast, etc. It went really well, but Izzy had brought her brother, unfortunately. I said hello to him and let him be for the rest of the night, but then he got the ‘brilliant’ idea of talking to me. So first off, he asked me about the texts, that I hadn’t replied. And then he started ranting about how I was just a famous celebrity and that I didn’t have any real feelings. God, that conversation was just a mess. And then I started yelling at him, yadayadaya. You probably know what I’ve said, but he said he just wanted the ‘truth’, whatever that means.. So I got mad, again, because honestly he had no right. And I started yelling to him about my past and that he didn’t know one damn thing about it. And then I just kind of left him there and five minutes later I saw him leave my apartment.” Clary just looked at him with a blank stare.

“So…” Magnus awkwardly said.

“That is one damn mess, wow. I literally have no words for this. Maybe I do. First off, the guys is a fucking douche to talk to you that way. But….. you shouldn’t have lashed out on him like that. It doesn’t seem very professional… Why is this guy such a jerk, though. Izzy is lovely, she is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. Guess they’re just really different. I thought Alec was really nice too at first, so I don’t know. I say that a lot lately, do I say I don’t know too much?”

“Magnus, you’re rambling. So something’s bugging you, what is it?” she gave him a raise of her eyebrow, and indicated that she was dead serious.

“He kept saying he cancelled on me, while he clearly didn’t. Which just made me think, was it an miscommunication or something else. I want to believe him I really do, but after everything he has said… It’s hard. Why does this guy rile me up so much?”

“Do you want the honest answer or the lie?” Clary asked him, while sipping on her own wine.

“I came to you for your honest opinion, so be honest with me Fray.”

“You are so upset with him, because you like him. You feel chemistry and you want to see if something’s there. But he hurt you so you feel betrayed and invalid. I know it can be fucked up, but we’re most of the times angriest at the one’s we love or like the most. Because we expected them to do better. But sometimes that’s not fair, don’t get your hopes up too much, because you’ll just be let down.”

“Why are you all so good at advice? Like who taught you to be so wise?” Magnus questioned hypothetically.

“It was actually Luke. He taught me some valuable lessons. You should talk to him some time, he always has the answer.” Clary winked at him. “Do you want to stay over?”

“What? No Simon?”

“Nope, he has band practice.”

 “Btw, when I came here you were already drinking. What are you moping about?” he teased.  

“Nothing, just this guy I met at the park.”

“Oehh, a guy? What does he look like,” Magnus taunted.

“Actually? Kind of like a douche.” Clary admitted and Magnus burst out laughing. "And he had this weird phobia for ducks..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!! This one is a little shorter. Hope you'll enjoy xx

Alec had tossed and turned all night, thinking about everything. Trying to come up with what he was going to say to Magnus. He dragged himself from the couch and went over to the kitchen. When he pulled the door of the fridge open, he wasn’t met with a lot. He grabbed some milk and got the cereal box from the cabinet. When he finished his breakfast he went to Isabelle’s bedroom, only to find it empty. He checked his phone and found three messages on it from her.

 

**Izzy**

_I got called to work earlier today, they wanted to discuss something with me._

8:05

**Izzy**

_I want to wish you good luck with talking to Luke, cause you are going to talk to him._

_Xxx your fabulous sister_

8:12

 

**Izzy**

_Oh and don’t forget to come by. Magnus will have his lunchbreak at 13:00_

_Love you xx Oh and bring him maybe something, like flowers._

8:12

 

Okay, so flowers, he could buy him flowers. But what kind, though? Guess he’ll just have to wing it. He grabbed his jacket, walked into the hallway and locked the front door behind him.

When he got to the precinct he searched for Luke until he found him sitting behind his desk in his office. Alec knocked silently, not willing to disturb him.  
“Come in,” he heard Luke say.

“Hi.”

“Hi, kiddo. What’s up?” he asked him with a frown on his face, it was remarkable that Luke always knew if something was off with one of his employees.

“I want to ask for a day off, sir.” Alec replied stiffly.

“Okay, that can be arranged,” Luke wrote something down in a notebook.

“Really?” Alec asked surprised.

“Yes, of course. Alec, you’ve been working here nonstop. Day and night, you can have a day off. I was just wondering when you would. You probably should have tomorrow off too, so you can you can fully rest. So I don’t want to see you back at the office until Monday, have a good weekend Alec.” Luke winked at him and got back to his paperwork.

“Thanks, sir.” Alec walked over to Maia to greet her and then went on his way to buy Magnus some flowers.

Which turned out to be a difficult task. In the end he choose beautiful white and pink plumeria’s.

 

***

 

The walk over to Izzy’s work was horrific. Alec was stressing out the entire way there, what should he say? What should he do?  What if Magnus didn’t want to see him and is going to send him away?

But there he was now, surrounded by his co-workers, laughing his way through life. God, Alec was being sappy. His heart dropped in his stomach when Magnus looked at him, Magnus’ smile completely disappeared and a frown had made its way on his face. He excused himself from his co-workers and walked over to Alec.

“What are you doing here? Didn’t I make myself clear that I don’t want to see you ever again?” Magnus sternly said.  
“Magnus, I..” Alec stuttered.

“Are you here to humiliate me even further, don’t bother. Just leave, please.”

“Magnus, could you please hear him out?” a female voice said softly. Alec hadn’t seen Izzy coming over.

“Okay, fine. What do you have to say?” Magnus asked mockingly. Izzy gave Alec a curt nod and walked back to set. Magnus and Alec moved over to Magnus’ trailer.

 

 “I’m sorry, so sorry. For everything I did and what I said. I had no right to judge you like that, but I guess I just felt insecure. Because the moment we met I really liked you and you lied to me about who you were. I never expected something like this to happen, and then my brother Jace told me all these articles about you. And how you’re known as a lothario, but I know I shouldn’t judge you based on those articles. But I did. Because he got inside my head. Then I wanted to cancel our date, since I am nowhere near capable of dating a celebrity. But my brother Jace thought it would be a good idea if he send the text, I agreed. But he didn’t, while I thought he did. He thought you wouldn’t care and would move on in just a second, which was wrong and I yelled at him for it. I didn’t know you showed up to our date without knowing that it wasn’t going to happen. Of course you hate me because of that.” Alec quickly took a deep breath after all his rambling and continued. “And at the party I was just jealous that you flirted with all those people and it made me feel replaceable and insignificant. I’m really ashamed of what happened next, because I’m not like that. I don’t yell at people, I don’t judge them or say horrible things to them. But I did, and I’m so sorry for everything. I didn’t know and I shouldn’t have pried, I’m so sorry. I was the jerk here and wouldn’t give this a chance, but I realized that I actually really like you and that I would’ve loved to go on a date with you. But then at your party you didn’t seem affected… And I just lost it. I’ve been so stressed lately about work and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It was disrespectful and not right. And you’re right I don’t know anything about you, but I’d like to. I’d like to be friends with you, Magnus. And I’m so sorry about everything that happened, because you don’t deserve any of it.” Alec breathed like he had just ran a marathon, finally he had told Magnus everything. Magnus just stood there with his mouth open, gaping at Alec. Registering what Alec had said.

“Oh wow.”

“Oh and these are for you,” he gave Magnus the flowers. “They’re supposed to represent new beginnings, at least that’s what the florist told me.” The last part he mumbled under his breath.

“Thank you,” Magnus finally said and took the flowers. “That were a lot of ‘I’m sorry’s’”

“I just feel really guilty about it all, and I’m really sorry.”

“Well, I guess I’m sorry too then. I shouldn’t have lashed out on you like that, it wasn’t very professional from me. I was just upset by a lot of things and I took it out on you, I’m sorry. But you did hurt me and it’s going to take a while, before I forgive you though.” Magnus contemplated if he should give Alec another chance, he did apologize many many times. But he also said some hurtful things to him.. But he looked so cute right now, Magnus thought. There was something about this guy that made him want to give Alec a second chance. “Thanks for your explanation. What do you say about getting lunch with me, right now to talk things through some more?”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Then sure, just as friends, right?”

“Yeah, just as friends.”

 

***

 

“So…. This is awkward,” Alec blurted out in an attempt to ease the tension. Magnus and him were sitting in a booth at a small restaurant, Magnus picked out. Since he knew the ones where he wouldn’t get recognized. It was a pretty cool place and seemed cosy.

“Indeed it is.” Magnus admitted, while fumbling with his rings.

“Why isn’t this as easy as in the beginning?” Alec asked mostly to himself.

“Maybe just too much has happened,” Magnus suggested and Alec nodded. “let’s start with you telling something about yourself.”

“Sure.. I’m 26 years old and live together with my annoying brother. He can be a dick, but most of the time he’s decent. I’m actually a detective.” Magnus made a interested noise and urged Alec to continue. “I’ve been working there since I was 22, so pretty young. I have this amazing partner called Maia and my superior’s name is Luke.”

“Luke as in Luke Garroway?” Magnus asked intrigued. Alec looked at him confused.

“yes.. That Luke, do you know him?”

“He is my friend’s stepfather and I’ve met him a few times.”  
“Oh cool.”

“Yes, indeed. But go on.”

“You’ve already met Isabelle and you’ll probably know that she’s pretty awesome. She has always been my rock whenever I needed her and she always supported me even when my parents didn’t.” Alec looked down at his food, figuring out what to say next.

“Coming out didn’t go so well?” Magnus asked sincerely.

“Nope. They both didn’t really understand, mom is trying, but my dad… He just can’t handle the fact that I like guys. That’s why I don’t really have a good relationship with my parents, they’ve always wanted us to be perfect. But people aren’t perfect. They took Jace in when he was about 10 and a few years later I realized I was gay.  He was my first ‘crush’, not really a crush, but he did make me realize I was gay. I also have a little brother Max, he’s just the best. He’s smart, talented and really funny, but I don’t get to see him a lot. He still lives with my parents.”

“Anything to add Alec?” Alec frowned at the name, he liked how Magnus used to say his name.

“Can you call me Alexander again? Alec feels weird..”

“Sure, Alexander.” Magnus gave him a sweet, but small smile.

“I don’t think I have more to add.. I’ve had a few boyfriends, but they both sucked. No pun intended. They actually weren’t pretty good at that either,” he murmured lowly, which made Magnus chuckle.

“You’re pretty funny,” Magnus took a sip from his coffee. “My turn?” Alec nodded. “Well, I’m Magnus Bane, I’m an actor. You can know me from different kinds of movies, I’ve done almost every genre. I’d rather not talk about my past, at least not right now.” Alec nodded, letting Magnus know that that was okay.

“What made you want to become an actor?”

“Everybody always suggested that I should become one, since I was so dramatic.” Alec chuckled at his comment. “I’ve always been into theatre and acting and I really enjoyed it. So, I’ve vowed to myself that I would work hard enough to get myself where I am now. Without my ambitions and my friends I would’ve been nowhere.”

“That’s sounds great.”

“Yeah, it is. I love my work and love working with different kinds of people. I always read the script four times before I decide if I’m going to do it. And I always make sure I work with the right people, in this business you have a lot of corrupted people and I just don’t want to get involved in that. I try to talk as much as possible about the darker side of Hollywood, but people don’t always want to listen to the things that are wrong in the world.”

“I want to,” Alec said softly.

“Well then you would be one of the few, most people just want to enjoy life not thinking about the horrible things that are out there in this world. But enough about that. I have 5 friends, Catarina (my best friend), Ragnor, Raphael, Clary and Simon. We’re all really close and I consider them my family. They’ve always supported me in everything.”

“May I ask you something?” Magnus nodded. “Why didn’t you just tell me who you were when we met?”

“Because it was refreshing to meet someone that didn’t want something from me, that didn’t even know who I was. People tend to judge…” Alec looked up from his plate and met Magnus’ eyes.

“I deserved that. I’m so sorry about that. Usually I don’t judge that easily, I just.. I don’t even know. Jace got in my mind I guess, but it’s not entirely his fault, I believed him. And I’m so sorry for that. I really liked you and when I found out you had all these complications, I was scared. Scared that I would be nothing to you, just some fling. And I know that I knew nothing about you, but I couldn’t help but be insecure. I just wanted you to feel the same connection as I did and when you possibly didn’t, I got upset. I’m sorry for that. From the moment we met, even if it was one time, I felt something. I’m usually a sceptic and don’t believe in destiny, but…”

“Then believe in chemistry,” Magnus filled in. “Destiny is overrated, I’ve been waiting for destiny for years now and It’s done nothing so far. I’m done waiting for a sign, sometimes you have to do it yourself to make your dreams come true. I wouldn’t have been anywhere without my hard work, so I’m just going to believe in myself instead.”

“I love that, I think I’m going to use that. Wise words.”

“Well, thank you darling.” They talked and laughed and joked some more, until Magnus had to get back to work. Alec sat there alone in the restaurant drinking his coffee when he got a notification.

 

**Magnus**

_Hi, I loved our lunch. Let’s do that again some other time. It was nice to get to know you, Alexander._

_xx Magnus_

14:21

**Alec**

_Thanks for giving me another chance, I really had fun with you and would like to do this again. Are you available this weekend?_

_xx Alexander_

14:23

 

**Magnus**

_For you always <3_

14:24

 

So they were going to try this out. As friends though, just as friends, for now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave some comments and kudos, I love it whenever I get comments :) So, if you want leave a comment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!  
> I've really struggled with this one, since I didn't really know how I wanted it to go, especially the first scene.  
> I came up with this and I hope you guys will like it. I'm still not really satisfied with this chapter, so I might change it in the end, but for now this will have to do. I hope you'll like it xx

When Alec got back to his apartment he felt a huge sense of relief wash over him. He finally apologized and cleared the air with Magnus. But there was still one person he would have to clear the air with.

“So, you finally decide to show up?” Jace asked sarcastically. “If you want to yell at me again, don’t bother I think Izzy covered everything. ‘Asshole, jerk, inconsiderate idiot’ yeah that was everything I think. She also yelled a lot,” Jace gave Alec a sarcastic smile.

“Yeah, I want to talk to you,” Alec decided to take the high road and talk to him maturely. He wasn’t going to let Jace push his buttons any longer.

“Do you want to yell at me again for protecting you?”

“You weren’t… never mind. Yes, I want to talk to you about the whole Magnus situation. Just to clear things up between us. So are you going to listen to me like an adult or are you going to irritate me any further?” Alec raised his eyebrows to indicate that he was serious. Jace luckily got the hint. He went over to the couch and sat down.

“Okay, let’s talk.”

“I’ve talked with Izzy about the whole thing, and she thinks you were in the wrong too.”

“I’ve noticed.”

Alec continued “I just still can’t believe that you did this, it so not like you.”

“Oh, so you do still know me?” Jace grumbled.

“What?” Alec gritted out confused.

“Nothing..”

“What do you mean Jace?”

“I know I haven’t been the best brother lately, but you sure haven’t either.”

“This is not about that! This is about you acting like a jerk and being a total douchebag. And since when am I not a good brother?” Alec asked with a little grimace.  

“You’re right it’s not about that,” Jace rolled his eyes.

“Ugh, you’re so fucking frustrating sometimes!” Alec angrily exclaimed. “You are just trying to distract me from our real issue. You acting like you’re the king of the world and not giving a shit about someone’s feelings.”

“Wow, is that really how you think of me?” Jace stood up and gave Alec a light shove.

“Well, you haven’t proven me wrong,” Alec replied equally worked up by now. Alec decided to take a step back and walked towards the kitchen, trying to cool off a little bit. Alec took a deep breath and returned to the living room.

“Look, Jace. I don’t know what the hell is going on with you, but you can trust me. I’m your brother for god’s sake.”

“I know, okay. I know. I was a jerk, it was a sucky move and I messed up. It was a stupid decision and I wish I could make it up!” Jace started yelling. “But I still think I was protecting you.”

“Still not your decision to make, why do you have the constant feeling of Magnus being a threat?” Alec said calm.

“I don’t know… I don’t know.” Jace still tried to avoid the conversation, but Alec caught on. “I’m sorry for what I did, I thought I was protecting you.”

“Yeah, we already went over that,” Alec said sarcastically.

“Well it’s the truth, I don’t trust him to not break your heart. You’ve been too careless in the past, and I always have to pick up the pieces.”

“What is going on with you? I don’t understand. Is something bugging you or something, cause this isn’t like you.”

“Alec, I care about you so much. But Magnus isn’t the right guy for you. You just don’t get that, do you?” Jace defended.

“How do _you_ know?”

“It’s just a feeling I have. He is a celebrity why would he care?”

“Don’t you _ever_ say that to me again, and if you ever even remotely suggest or say something like that in the same _room_ as Izzy. I swear to god, I’m going to rip your head off. Do you still not understand that everything you say about celebrities affects Izzy too? I get that you don’t like the ‘Hollywood’ business, but this is just over the top. It seems like you have a personal vendetta against Magnus. Since when are you so prejudiced?” Jace looked away and didn’t say anything. “Is this about your dad? Cause Magnus isn’t like that and you know it.”

“Ughh, everything is so messed up.” Jace yelled frustrated. “I’m sorry, okay. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done and the pain and betrayal I caused you. I’m so sorry, Alec. I shouldn’t have judged I already knew that, I was an absolute dick and I regret it. You know better than anyone that I don’t trust new people.”

“Don’t dodge the question, is this about Valentine?” Alec asked again with more heat this time.

“Of course it is!” Jace screamed at the top of his lungs. “I know the business up close, Alec. I know what those ‘celebrities’ are capable of. They destroy everything you love and care about.” Jace’s story is a little bit more complicated than most. The best way to describe it is a whole mess. Jace was raised (until 10 years old) by a famous actor/director called Valentine Morgenstern, in those years he was mistreated, abused and mentally brainwashed. Valentine wasn’t, as the media thought, the best father. He taught Jace all his ‘life’ lessons about all the terrible things in this world, including Hollywood. Valentine wasn’t involved with the good side of Hollywood, to put it mildly. He was arrested for child abuse and money laundering when Jace was 10. So, when Jace came to the Lightwoods he had seen some horrible shit and was traumatized for life. To say Jace had a horrible childhood, is a little mild. By the time Jace was taken away, Valentine already had ruined him and when asked about his past life, he’ll just dodge the question. In the end, Valentine broke his heart and Jace was left with the images of how corrupted the bad side of the film industry could be. He was confronted with corrupted writers, actors, directors, the whole bunch. Ever since, Jace still has a sick feeling in his stomach whenever it gets mentioned.

“Just because Valentine was a horrible father to you, doesn’t mean Magnus is going to pull the same shit.”

“I know, okay. I know. But you wouldn’t trust him either, if you’ve seen some of the stuff I’ve seen!”

 “You have no reason to distrust him. I promise you, he isn’t going to break my heart, okay?” Alec tried to calm the situation down and talked very softly.

“I’ll still have to see,” Jace mumbled.

“Okay, that is fine, but you should at least give him a chance. We talked things through and he’s not who you think he is. He is kind and caring and hardworking. Nothing like Valentine, I promise. What that man did to you was horrific, but at some point you have to let the past go. You’re here with us now, with me and Izzy. You have to look forward, not back. And I know you don’t like Izzy going in the film industry, but you’re going to let her live her dream. Because it’s hers, she can do whatever she likes. And even if things go wrong, we’ll just have to pick her up and comfort her,” Alec smiled at Jace. “I still think you were in the wrong. Jace, we’re brothers and I know you want to protect me, as do I with you. But I can handle my dating life alone. Yes, I might make some mistakes, but they are my mistakes to make. You didn’t have the right to just decide for me, I can do that on my own. I know this wasn’t that big of a deal, but standing someone up is a really sucky thing to do. I’ve been stood up before and the humiliation that follows is terrible. You feel used and embarrassed. It’s not cool what you did to Magnus, or to anyone at that.” Alec took a deep breath and sighed. “So promise me that you won’t be as judgmental, okay?”

“It’s just that when you and Izzy talk about these things, it brings back memories that I want to forget.. I shouldn’t have judged Magnus that quickly, because maybe he’s different. I’m sorry for that.”

“Just try to keep your opinions sometimes to yourself. People can get hurt.”

“Okay. I’ll try,” Jace promised. “You like him? Magnus I mean.”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’ll try to give him a chance. It’s just…. I don’t want you hurt, because when you’re hurt I’m hurt. I can sense it when you’re upset or heartbroken and I just want you to be happy. I know it’s not my place to tell you who to date, but I just wanted to warn and protect you.  I hate to see you so broken, like you were with James. And since I know the industry a little, I just thought it would be better if you didn’t get involved.”

“I know, but ‘It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’, right? And I don’t believe that Magnus is involved with anything you’ve experienced in the past.”

“I guess. I don’t really know… I’m sorry about the things I’ve said and the words that came out of my mouth especially about you having a crush on me. It wasn’t right and I apologize. I acted like an asshole and the biggest jerk and I’m sorry for that.”

“It’s okay. I know you have good intentions Jace and I also know that you are very wary of new people, but you can only judge someone after you’ve met them. I learned that too. So next time, just stay out of my love life, okay?”

“Yeah,” Jace chuckled.

“I love you, Alec. I’m so sorry about everything, I’ll try to do better.”

“Great and love you too.”

“And I’ll apologize to Magnus, it was cruel to just assume and I’ll say sorry.”

“Thank you.”

 

Alec took off his jacket and hung it on the coat hanger, when he noticed a new jacket.

“Hey, whose jacket is this?”

“Oh, it’s um… from this uh…. girl I met. I guess she must have left it here.”

“You had a girl over?” Alec smirked at his brother.

Jace scoffed and took the dark green jacket from him. “It’s not what you think. I met her in the park and she seemed nice, so we talked a bit. Nothing serious, you know… the weather, what she does for a living, what I do, my fear of ducks.. the usual.” Alec let out a chuckle and Jace glared at him. Alec hid his smile behind his hand, and made it look like he was coughing.

“You told a girl you just met about your irrational fear of ducks?”

“It’s not irrational!” Jace yelled, but saw the humour in the situation and started laughing as well.

“Well, after that.. I asked her if she wanted to go get a drink with me in my apartment and she took the offer.”

“And….”

“Nothing, we talked, that’s it. But I do really like her, she is very kind and sweet. Nothing like the ones I’ve been with before. She also has these great little freckles on her cheeks and it’s just the cutest.”

“Look at you all gushy over a girl you just met _once_.” Alec joked.

“Yeah… sorry about that. I really get now why you were being all annoying,” Jace laughed when he received a punch from Alec.

“I’m glad you like her Jace.” There was still a little tension between them, but it would fade away. Yeah, Jace was still in the wrong, but he would try. There is always more to it than meets the eye, isn’t there?

 

***

Magnus was extremely nervous today, because Alec was coming over for the first time since their talk and he just wanted everything to go well. Alec had trouble with cooking and he had to make dinner for his family soon, but the problem was he wasn't really good at it. Magnus offered his apartment and experience and Alec gladly accepted. They were on good terms at the moment and he didn’t want anything to ruin that, since they talked most of their stuff out. Alec had apologized, multiple times and tried to make things right, Magnus really appreciated that since no one had ever done that before. Magnus had talked to Catarina about the whole Alec thing and she felt more sympathetic for the guy, but she was still wary. So was Magnus, to be honest. He didn’t know Alec and he got screwed over too many times to just trust someone that easily. Ever since he was filming for the tv show, he hadn’t really been harassed by the paparazzi, but just to be certain he and Alec wouldn’t go out in public. He didn’t want their ‘relationship’ to go downhill because of it. Magnus knew oh so well how bad those reporters could be. When he heard the doorbell he almost ran towards the door. On the other side stood no one other than Alec.  
“Hi,” Alec nervously said.

“Hey, how have you been?” Magnus asked politely.

“I’ve been good, you?” So far the conversation wasn’t a real headscratcher, but they would get there.

“Good, come in.” Alec walked past him with a bag full of groceries. “You can put that in the kitchen.” Alec still looked a little confused. “This way,” Magnus gestured and led the way.

“Do you want to start already, or wait a little?” Magnus asked.

“Right now, seems fine.”

Once all the stuff was set in place, Alec gave Magnus the recipe. “Here, this is the recipe that we’re making.”

“This doesn’t seem that difficult,” Magnus chuckled, looking at a lasagne recipe.

“To me it is,” Alec mumbled.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I would be able to help you with this,” Magnus gave him a sweet smile and walked over to the tomatoes.

“So first off we’re going to slice the tomatoes in half, because we’ll only be using one half.”

Alec grabbed the other half and wrapped it in aluminium foil and walked towards the fridge.

“No! you shouldn’t put tomatoes in the fridge, they’ll lose their flavour.”

“Sorry,” Alec said embarrassed.

“Nothing to be sorry about, dear. You’ll just have to get used to cooking. Let’s start shall we?”

 

The cooking went pretty smoothly with some banter in between, which soon turned into more heavy conversations.

“How do you deal with being a celebrity? The stuff the media says about you, the comments under your posts and everybody always wanting something from you.. Isn’t it hard?”

“That is a heavy question, Alexander. I guess I just don’t let it go to my head so much. Don’t get me wrong I’m very happy with the things I get to do, very grateful. But to answer your question, yes, it is very hard to deal with all the negativity. I’ve been doing this for a few years and it won’t get easier, it’s hard. It’s tough, but in my opinion it’s worth it. I know people expect me to do certain things or to act certain ways, but I don’t let that get to me. I don’t read many articles about myself, unless they are interviews. I don’t read social media comments, because I know if I do I’ll just get obsessed and that’s not what I want. People have negative opinions on me and that’s fine, I just try to prove them wrong.” Magnus never really liked to talk about his fame or the media, because he just wanted people to see the real him. The authentic Magnus Bane that wasn’t anything like his reputation.

“Well, you proved me wrong… I’m so sorry that I let myself get influenced by what other people say.”

“You have to stop apologizing, darling. It’s in the past.” Alec sighed but nodded.

“I know, but I can’t help it. It’s in my nature,” He joked and Magnus chuckled a bit.

“For the last time apology accepted. And If you really want to prove that you’re not like that,” he gestured vaguely. “Then prove it with actions. I know you feel guilty, but be better than that. Prove me I was wrong about you too.” Magnus raised his head and looked up at Alec.

“That will do. I promise I will show you that I’m not _that_ guy. I talked to Jace, by the way. He apologized to me and is going to apologize to you. So expect him to call or contact you in any way possible. He has got some stuff going on, usually he doesn’t act that way. So he’s apologizing.”

“You didn’t have to make him apologize to me, dear.” Magnus mused while handing Alec a glass of wine after putting the lasagne in the oven.

“I did.”

“Okay, then.” They stood there awkwardly in the kitchen for a while, just sipping their wine, enjoying the silence for a bit, while occasionally glancing at the other.

“I’ve made some mistakes too and I’m not proud of it, but I do own up to them. The media just never forget and that sucks, because all my mistakes can be googled or watched. People could still hate me for something I did ten years ago. You just have to accept the fact that some people will hate you, reason or not. And I know I’m supposed to be a role model, but I’m also human. I love making movies and directing, it’s my life, but I could do without all the recognition.”

“But isn’t it great to be recognized for your work?”

“It is, but not when all they want to talk about is your love life or your fashion choices. They aren’t really interested in me, some are, but most aren’t, they are interested in my success. That is probably the worst part, not knowing when someone actually cares or just pretends to.” Alec and his eyes met when he said the last part.

“I’m not interested in your success, Magnus. But I am in you, and I know that it’ll take a while for you to believe me, but I’ve got all the time in the world.”

Magnus just shook his head affectionately. “I like you, Alexander.”

“Me too.”

“Do you want to watch something? The lasagne will take a while.” Magnus suggested.

“Sure.” They grabbed their drinks and walked over to the couch.  
“What do you want to watch? I also got some of my old movies, so we can laugh at my bad acting if you want.”

“Is it bad if I confess that I haven’t watched one of your movies before?” Alec blurted out.

“Oh my, Alexander. I didn’t expect such betrayal.” Magnus plopped down on the couch dramatically. “I guessed it, since you didn’t recognize me remember?”

“Oh right.”

They spend the rest of the night laughing, chatting and drinking wine. Magnus thought it was a successful night and was honestly really happy Alec came over. At the end of it Alec took his lasagne with him and thanked Magnus for everything. Magnus closed the door behind him.

“This one isn’t easy to get rid of, is he?” He asked himself.

_Nope, he probably isn’t._ But the real question was, did he want to get rid of him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, please leave some kudos or a comment. Heavily appreciated :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!! Alec and Magnus are getting closer by the day and Izzy meets a certain someone. Alec also is confronted by Magnus' friends. How will that go? I hope you'll enjoy this one xx

When Alec’s weekend was over, he had to get back to work, unfortunately some might say, but Alec was happy he could help other’s again.

He had enjoyed his free time immensely, even though it had only been a weekend, by spending quality time with Izzy and hanging out with Magnus. They’ve seen each other only a few times, but Alec could feel them already getting closer. He and Jace had made up and Jace had apologized, both to Alec and surprisingly to Magnus. He still didn’t like Magnus, but at least he admitted that he had been a jerk towards him. Now, Alec was back behind his desk going through the same pile of papers, with still no clue. Maia and him had tried to talk to the guy that saved her, but he couldn’t tell them much more. Alec also hadn’t heard any news about new victims, fortunately, so the guy probably laid low for a while. Alec was scanning some of the features Claire had described and tried to picture him in real life. The police had put out a warning for the guy and hoped by doing that, that some girls/boys would be on the lookout.

“Busy?” a smooth voice asked him. Alec looked up and saw Magnus standing there in all his glory. He wore a black baggy pants a grey hoody, with a coat over it, his hair was down. His face was makeup free, he wore a thick scarf around his neck to hide parts of his face, even though it was hot outside. He still looked incredibly gorgeous, Alec thought. But he could be biased.

“Hey,” Alec shyly said. “What are you doing here? Didn’t someone recognize you?”

“I’m wonderful at disguises, I have you know. As you can see. And I wanted to visit you and ask you how you were doing, so I don’t really care. Not working too hard are you?” Magnus chuckled.

“No, I’ve just started so. Um.. take a seat.” Alec gestured to the chair in front of him. “Is something bothering you?” Alec asked.

“Nope, I had to ask Luke something and thought ‘Why don’t I visit Alexander?’ so here I am. Tough case you’re working on?” Magnus frowned and took off his coat.

“Yeah.. No evidence and no lead on the guy that did it. The cameras were turned off and we only have one witness that couldn’t help us much,” Alec grumbled.

“What is it about? Maybe I can help.”

“Magnus, I can’t talk to you about work.”

“Why not, I won’t tell a soul. Just pretend you are murmuring in yourself and I just happen to catch what’s it is about,” Magnus winked at Alec and Alec felt all warm inside.

“It’s about a girl that was almost raped at some club. I’m trying to find the guy that did this to her.”

“That’s a very important case…” Magnus thought while stroking his goatee. “Which club was it?”

“Pandemonium.” Magnus eyes grew wide and looked shocked. “Do you know it?” Alec asked.

“Yes, actually. It’s mine….”

“What?!”

“It’s my club, it has not been brought to my attention that this happened, though. Maybe I can help, I’ll try to put in more security and give them his drawing.  Ask my men to look out for him. Would that help?”

“Anything is welcome.”

“Why are you so concerned about this case? In my experience police don’t tend to take assault cases that seriously,” Magnus muttered under his breath, before he could realize what he just had said. Alec physically gasped when he felt his stomach drop and his heart beating faster.

“Well, I do.” He said curtly, hesitating to ask the next question. “Were you ever…?” Magnus winced at Alec’s question.

“Um.. I was.. but I don’t feel like talking about that, okay? Let’s just say the cops thought I was overexaggerating and they didn’t take me seriously,” Magnus managed to get out before the lump in his throat appeared.

“Magnus… I’m so sorry. I just…”

“Let it be, please. It is in the past, can I do something else for you besides looking out?”

“Nope, I guess that’s it.”

“Great, but now I have to head back to set. I’ll see you, Alexander. Don’t work too hard.” Magnus put his fake smile back on his face and stood up.

“Yes, see you. Thank you Magnus.”

“You’re welcome.”

Alec watched Magnus walk out of the building, head held high. He really had judged too quickly. Never assume anything about anyone, you don’t know the battles they are fighting.

 

***

 

Izzy was busy reading her lines while walking on set. The cast and crew had been nothing but kind to her and she was truly blessed with this opportunity. Especially since she got to work with Magnus Bane, and now that everything was okay between him and her brother, she felt relieved. She hadn’t met all the people that were working on set, because there were like hundreds, but she figured she got the most important ones down. Such as her co-stars, the makeup artists, the designers and some of the directors. She hadn’t met anyone from the writers, though, which felt weird to her. She should at least thank them for writing such a good character, cause Rosie? She was one hell of a woman. Izzy almost felt intimidated by playing her, almost.

She was mumbling to herself about the scene and what the character must feel like, when some clumsy guy bumped in to her. She was ready to curse the idiot that ruined her great shoes by spilling hot chocolate on them, when he started to ramble. He rambled and rambled and rambled, about how sorry he was and how it would never happen again. She finally looked up at the guy and saw this dorky guy with glasses, black hair and apparently some ironic shirt, she guessed. He was kinda hot, nerd hot. She couldn’t help but notice that he had the most beautiful eyes. The guys stopped rambling when he noticed that she wasn’t paying attention. Izzy shook her thoughts away.

“It’s okay,” she told him.

“No, it’s not. I ruined your shoes, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you, I was wearing headphones and I didn’t hear or see you. It’s completely my fault, I’m so sorry. I’ll help.. here let me…” he started rubbing her shoes with his sleeve and knelt in front of her.

“Seriously get up,” she chuckled.

“Oh okay,” he nervously said.

“Hi, I’m Isabelle,” she smoothly reached her hand out to him so he could shake it. 

“So hot…” he slipped, which made Isabelle smile knowingly. “I.. uh mean. I’m Simon, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too. Simon.” Isabelle was never one to have trouble with guys if anything she had the most confidence. You couldn’t deny she was incredibly beautiful, those long black waves, that everyone adored. Her beautiful skin, that had no flaw. Her red soft lips, that made everyone waver. Isabelle was really something. She has had many boyfriends before, some were decent, but some also were complete assholes. But not only was she incredibly gorgeous, she also was one of the kindest people, according to Alec at least. She was really protective and sweet, she could play with the hearts of boys, but she would never purposely hurt someone. Overall Izzy had won the lottery for body and personality, but being a confident and gorgeous woman also brought its problems. She was received as ditzy by some, even when they didn’t know her. Izzy was actually very well-spoken and intelligent, but some guys didn’t like that. They wanted a girl that would just do anything they said, but unfortunately for them, Izzy wouldn’t put up with that crap. People, would stare and gossip about her. Girls would try to bring her down and guys were just betting on who she would sleep with first. When you actually got to know Izzy, you would realize that she was a smart, confident, beautiful and well-spoken woman with the most caring heart. So, for Simon to stutter and drool in front of her wasn’t news to her, but the fact that he was still so polite and nice was.

“I can buy you new shoes, how much were they?”

“600 dollars,” she replied.

“Oh, um.. I don’t know if I have that much at the moment. Can I pay you in terms?”

“You are willing to pay for my 600 dollar shoes in terms? Are you out of your mind?” she softly said, to make sure he knew she wasn’t mad.

“Yeah, I think I am,” he muttered.

“Simon, it’s fine. You didn’t do it on purpose and I’m sure I can get them dry-cleaned somewhere. Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

“Wow, thank you so much. See, I don’t have that much money. I just started working here as one of the writers, but I don’t get to write that much, though. And I don’t have that kind of money right now, but I would’ve paid them. I can pay your dry-cleaning if you want?”

“No, thank you. It’s fine, it was my decision to where these highly expensive shoes, so it’s my own fault.”

“No, Isabelle it’s mine. I wasn’t looking.”

“You can call me Izzy, by the way. And I like you, so it’s fine. It was really nice meeting you Simon..”

“Yeah, uh… you too, Izzy.” He muttered, so softly that Izzy wasn’t sure she heard it right.

“I’ll see you later, Simon.” She winked at him and strutted away, which left him gazing after her. Simon wasn’t like anyone she had ever met, he was so.. dorky, she guessed. But maybe he was better than all of her past guys combined..

 

***

 

“Done with work, Lightwood?” Maia chuckled when she saw Alec pack his things.

“Yeah, if I don’t go home I’m pretty sure, Izzy will kick my ass again. She already tells me that I should take care of myself more,” Alec sighed.

“She just cares about you, dude. Take it.”

“I know, and I love her. Don’t know what I would do without her to be completely honest,” Alec gave Maia a kind smile and grabbed his jacket. He caught a glimpse of something laying on the ground, Magnus’ coat. He must’ve forgotten it when he was visiting, Alec thought.

“New style?” Maia joked. “Didn’t know you knew much about fashion.”

“Ha ha ha.” Alec deadpanned. “No, it’s uh.. from this guy.”

“Magnus Bane?” she questioned.

“Yes, how do you know?” Alec looked at her quizzically.

“I saw him today when he was visiting Luke and later you, is something going on between you two?” Maia raised her eyebrows knowingly, which made Alec blush.

“I don’t know. We’re just friends. How do you know him?”

“Magnus Bane is one of my favourite actors of all time and well Luke introduced me to him once, apparently he is friends with his stepdaughter Clary. Either way, I’m a huge fan of his work and I’ve always respected the guy for being himself, not going overboard with his fame.”

A smile creeped up Alec’s face when Maia talked about him. He couldn’t really help himself, Magnus was great.

“What’s that smile for?” Maia teased.

“Nothing… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He stated seriously.

“Sure you don’t.” Maia winked.

“I’m going to take off, I guess I’ll go home and maybe do some work.”

“Lightwood, listen to your sister and don’t overwork yourself. Go to sleep, watch some Netflix, read a book. Take some time for yourself.”

“Fine, but first I have to return the coat.”

“You can do that tomorrow, why tonight?”

“Maybe he wants to use it,” Alec explained.

“Hmhm…” Maia smirked. “Don’t make it too late, Alec. Good night.”

He had to return the coat right away, right? He would just go over to Magnus’ and return the coat. It was the right thing to do, Alec thought. Alec grabbed his backpack and carefully slipped the coat inside, hopefully it wouldn’t get too crinkly. He walked out of the precinct and the cold air hit his face, Alec found the light breeze nice, but he could do without the light rain. He still thought about what Maia said, was it just to bring the coat back? No. He wanted to see Magnus again, was that a bad thing? He didn’t know yet. Magnus was a great guy and it would be the respectful thing to do to give him his coat back, before he starts to worry about it. Yes, that was the right decision. Magnus probably wouldn’t mind if he didn’t call right? It was only 8 pm, so he would be up and if he wasn’t home, he’ll just drop it in the mailbox…. No, he should probably give it to him in person, just in case. He didn’t want someone stealing the coat, he was just thinking rationally. Alec rambled on and on in his head about the coat, until he actually almost stood in front of Magnus’ apartment. It was awfully quiet in the street, he would’ve guessed there would be some fans waiting outside. Or a mysterious black van that was taking pictures. Nothing, maybe not many knew where Magnus lived. Alec rang the doorbell and almost immediately heard the buzz that let him inside. Weird, he thought. Magnus didn’t come to greet him at the door.

“Magnus?” he called out. He heard some talking in the living room, so he guessed he had guests. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to come over.

“Magnus?” Alec called again. When he got to the living room, he stilled his movements. He saw two women sitting on the couch with Magnus. One he recognized from the party, she was the girl who had dragged Magnus away and flipped him off. He didn’t know the other, though. He thought he would’ve remembered a red haired girl that was so tiny. At least she was, compared to Alec himself.

“Hi…….” Alec awkwardly said.

“Alexander!” Magnus exclaimed happily and got off the couch to greet him properly. “What are you doing here? I thought I opened the door for someone else,” Magnus chuckled.

“I uh…” he stammered when both women stared at him intensely. Magnus rolled his eyes at them. “Ignore them,” he whispered to Alec.

“You forgot your coat at the precinct, I thought that maybe you needed it so I brought it with me,” Alec mumbled softly. He got the coat out of the backpack and handed it over to Magnus. “I hope it isn’t crinkled, it was raining a little and I didn’t want it to get wet,” Alec muttered lowly while he was looking at the coat intensely.

“Thank you, darling. You didn’t have to bring it all the way over here, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“You’re welcome, I guess I’ll just..” he motioned towards the door.

“You can stay for a bit, I promise they won’t bite,” Magnus looked over his shoulder at the ladies and they gave him a fake smile. Alec hesitated a little, they clearly didn’t like him and wanted him out of there as soon as possible.

“No, it’s fine. I have some stuff to do anyway,” and just when he was about to leave it started storming. Dammit, Alec thought.

“Nope, not letting you leave in this weather now,” Magnus stated. He dragged Alec towards the two ladies, who still hadn’t said a word to him yet. Clearly the woman from the party remembered him and he was positive that the other didn’t really care for him either.

“Alec, this is Clary.” He motioned to the redhaired girl.

“Hi,” she said monotone.

“And this is Catarina, you’ve kinda met her before.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Alec commented.

They still didn’t say anything to him and the silence was killing him.

“So you’re Alec?” Clary asked with a slight judgment in her tone.

“Yup, that’s me.” He gave her an uncomfortable smile and sat down across from them on one of the chairs. Alec eyes widened when he noticed that Magnus was leaving the room to get him something to drink. No, he wanted to scream. Don’t leave me with them! He gazed after Magnus and when he turned to the women, he was once again met with squinted eyes and furrowed brows. Alec let his eyes wander for a little bit, an attempt to ignore the death stares he was getting. That didn’t really work since he could feel their eyes on him, like it burned.

“Okay, can you please say something? Just say what’s on your mind, cause I can’t handle the silence and the stares.” Alec blurted out. Catarina looked over at Clary, who nodded.

“We appreciate that you apologized to Magnus and that you guys are cool. But if you’ll ever hurt him again, we’ll make your life miserable.” Catarina threatened. Alec’s eyes grew wide and Magnus, finally he was there again, chimed in.

“Okay, enough of that. Just get to know him and what he’s like. He apologized and I accepted it, so you should too.” Magnus took a seat next to Alec and handed him his drink, while taking his other hand in his. Giving him some sort of comfort, when he was being interrogated by those two.

“Okay, fine we will. But just so you know, I may not be as tall as you,” Alec tried his best not to chuckle at her comment. “But I still can kick your ass, so just don’t hurt him ever again,” Clary told him.

“I’ll try not to,” Alec replied.

“Good,” they both said.

“So Alec, I heard you work together with Luke?” Clary asked kindly.

“yeah, he’s my superior.” Finally the conversation turned normal and Alec was immensely relieved that they gave him a chance. He glanced over to Magnus who beamed at him, this was going to be an interesting night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some comments or kudos if you like, they are really appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!! First, I want to thank everyone for the support i've already been getting and the great comments, so thank you. In this chapter you'll learn more about Magnus' past and his relationship with Alec. Hope you'll like it xx

Alec and Magnus quickly became great friends, they texted a lot and visited each other just as much. They had grown quite close in a short amount of time, but Alec was still convinced that he and Magnus were better off the way they were, friends. They hadn’t had any trouble from his fans or paparazzi yet, but the main reason for that was because they didn’t hang out at a lot of public places. Mostly on set with Isabelle or at someone’s apartment. Magnus had tried to help Alec out with a few of his cases, but of course Alec wouldn’t let him. Magnus had doubled the security in Pandemonium ever since Alec told him and for now it was working. They hadn’t had any trouble, yet. But you’ll never know. Meanwhile Magnus and Isabelle were working their butts off at the set and were really busy. So Alec decided he’d throw a little get together for them, to celebrate their hard work. Alec had everything figured out, first they would have some takeout and chat and after that they would watch movies on the couch with popcorn. He had grabbed all the fluffy blankets and pillows he could find and arranged them around the room. The takeout was still warm when Alec heard footsteps approaching and Isabelle swung the door open not even seconds later.

She may have let out a shriek when she saw what Alec had done to her apartment. Magnus’ face brightened when he saw what was going on. But they weren’t alone. With them stood another guy, he had glasses on, brown hair and shirt that said ‘Rock solid Panda’. Alec wondered who he was, but Izzy soon explained.

“Alec!” She grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him down for a hug. “This is Simon, btw. He is one of the writers of the show. And he’s in a band,” she giggled. Alec already noticed that she liked him a lot. He looked at Simon who reached out his hand awkwardly.

“Hi, I’m Simon.”

“Alec, Izzy’s brother.” He shook his hand and gave him a friendly, but cautious smile, and he might have squeezed his hand a little too hard. Simon ripped away his hand a looked at Isabelle concerned.

“Alec, don’t be so protective, we’re just friends. Right?” Alec looked at Simon’s reaction, which seemed to be a little disappointed.

“Right.”

“I’ve got takeout over there and movies in the living room. I thought you two could use some relaxing and I had nothing else to do today. So…..”

“That is so kind, darling.” Magnus inquired from the place he was standing. He hadn’t said a word since he came in.

“Thank you, brother.” Isabelle gave him a kiss on the cheek and pulled Simon towards the food.

“He’s a good guy, Alexander. He’s actually one of my favourite people in the world, but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Don’t worry I won’t.” Alec winked at him and led Magnus towards the movies.

“What would you like to watch?” Alec almost whispered.

“What do you have?” Magnus sat down on the ground on a pile of pillows and grabbed the bowl of popcorn.

“Well… I have some of your movies. Disney movies and some comedies or thrillers,” Alec avoided Magnus’ eyes. Magnus just shook his head affectionately and cupped Alec cheek so he would look at him.

“You have mine? I thought you said you hadn’t watched any of my movies.”

“I wanted to watch them, because I know you now and I wanted to support you,” Alec’s cheeks blossomed a wonderful colour red, still staring at Magnus’ deep brown eyes that were filled with adoration. Magnus sighed heavily and gave him a quick peck on his cheek.

“You are really something, Alexander Lightwood.”

“Or I just wanted to see how good you actually are.” Alec commented cheekily, Magnus looked up with a shocked face and threw some popcorn in his face. The bastard deserved it, doubting Magnus’ acting skills.

Just as he wanted to say something, they were interrupted by Izzy and Simon coming in with four plates with takeout. Eventually they all settled on the ground. Izzy close to Simon and Alec particularly close to Magnus. Once they started the movie, they eventually chose The Lion King, Magnus placed his head on Alec’s shoulder and Alec’s arm around his. Alec’s cheeks heated up, but he couldn’t complain with how perfect this position right there was. When the movie was over, Magnus looked over at Alec.

“I’d never guess you were so sensitive, Alexander,” he whispered against his ear, which gave Alec a shiver.

“Oh shut up,” he pulled away from Magnus and gave him a slight push.

“You should’ve seen him watch A walk to remember, the guy bawled his eyes out.” Izzy laughed.

“Not funny, Iz.” He grumpily crossed his arms with a frown.

“I for one admire a man that can show his emotions,” he uncrossed Alec’s arms and cupped Alec’s chin and smiled sweetly. He let go off Alec, stood up and grabbed the empty bowl.

“I’m done with toxic masculinity in the media. It’s so pointless, men can have emotions. I know we’re taught to be strong and tough, but there is nothing wrong with letting your emotions out. Guys can be just as emotional as girls. Does anybody want some more popcorn?” he asked after his little speech. Alec guessed that Magnus must’ve dealt with a lot of stereotypes, since he didn’t wore the ‘typical’ clothes a man would wear, especially his makeup. Alec for one thought that Magnus looked hot as hell.  

“I do, I do.” Simon raised his hands and started to yell. After tonight he didn’t know what to think of him, he was a good guy, but Alec still couldn’t really place him or in his sisters life for that matter.

Once they were out of the room Isabelle slid over to Alec.

“So how is it going with you too? You seem close.” Isabelle wriggled her eyebrows as indication.

“Yeah, it’s going great. We’ve become great friends and Magnus is amazing. I’m glad I gave him a chance and apologized to him,” Alec chuckled to himself.

“Just friends?” she raised her eyebrows.

“Yes. Just friends. But a whole new topic… What is going on with you and Star Wars boy?” Izzy punched him and gave him one of her ‘I’m going to kill you’ glares.

“He’s nice.”

“Just nice?”

“Maybe it can be something. But not yet. I don’t know, you know me… I’m not really good with relationships,” she admitted while twirling her hair as an indication that she was nervous.

“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try,” He looked at her with his big hazel eyes that he knew she couldn’t withstand.

“I guess.” Izzy leaned into him and let her head rest on his shoulder. “Same goes for you and Magnus right? I see the way he looks at you, Alec. Why not give it a chance?”

“It’s complicated, okay? I don’t feel like talking about it, right now.”

“Okay..”

Magnus and Simon disturbed their peaceful moment together with their laughter when they walked back into the room.

“I think I’m gonna head out, I have to get up early tomorrow.” Magnus sighed dramatically, like it was the worst thing in the world. The truth is he just didn’t want to leave Alec.

“Goodbye my darling Isabelle,” he leaned down and gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. Magnus reached his hand out for Alec to take and to be pulled up. Alec got up from his place and walked Magnus to the door.

“Good night, Alexander. Thank you for everything.” Magnus embraced Alec and gave him a lingering kiss on the cheek.

“Good night, Magnus.” Alec closed the door behind Magnus and sighed, how could someone smell so nice? He wondered. Now he had to be the third wheel to those two. Ugh… But to be honest, Alec liked Simon. He was kinder, sweeter and more attentive than anyone Izzy had ever dated. He was a good one.

 

***

 

Magnus was busy working on some lines from the script that were just a little off in his opinion. After a while he was really bored and didn’t want to rehearse any more. He made himself some coffee and texted Alec.

 

**Magnus**

_Hey, I’m bored. When is your break again? Could you meet me in my trailer…. Maybe you can cheer me up :)_

_xx Magnus_

12:15

 

He waited a while for Alec to answer when finally his phone buzzed.

 

**Alec**

_Sure, I can take a break right now :)_ _I’ll meet you in ten_

_xx Alexander_

12:31

 

Magnus smiled at the message and made some coffee for Alec too, since he already knew how much that man loved his coffee. Although he still couldn’t get used to how he was drinking it. Just black. Nothing in it, just black coffee. He guessed some people liked it, Magnus just thought that it was way too bitter. It was really weird when he thought about it that Alec and him got this routine of dropping by whenever one of them had a break. Magnus would go over to the station, in disguise of course and Alec would drop by the set. Magnus was stunned by how close they were within weeks. There was something special about Alexander Lightwood, that was for sure. Magnus trailed off when he heard someone knock on his trailer. When he opened the door he revealed a tired looking Alec, with bags under his eyes and all.

“Hi,” Alec smiled shyly.

“Hi, come in.”

Alec plopped down on the couch and grabbed the bag of lunch Magnus left for him.

“I’ve made you coffee too, you seem a little tired,” he chuckled when Alec already reached for it.

“I am,” he said while gulping down his coffee.   
“Coffee freak,” Magnus mumbled under his breath. Alec, like the adult he was, stuck out his tongue. Causing Magnus to laugh at him.

“You’re ridiculous,” Magnus said half-heartedly. Magnus sat down next to him and stole a few fries from his lunch. Alec stared at him in utter shock. Magnus just shrugged.

“What?”

“You stole my fries,” Alec said as if it was the worst thing to ever happen.

“Technically you stole mine, who bought those again?” Magnus smirked at Alec and took another fry.

“Mine,” Alec growled and took away the plate.

“Why did I invite you again?” he asked sarcastically.

“Because you were bored, how flattering that was by the way. I’m not just here to entertain you, Magnus.”

Magnus got closer to his face, so close that he could almost feel Alec’s breath.

“Then why are you here?” he asked seductively. And when Alec wasn’t looking he stole another one of his fries. Alec furrowed his brows and shoved Magnus playfully away.

“Cheater.” Alec huffed.

When Alec was done eating he and Magnus were just lounging on the couch in silence.

“I’m bored again,” Magnus sighed dramatically.

 “Fine, what do you want to do? I don’t have that much free time.”

“Well, I’m happy you are willing to spend it with me.” Magnus gave him a sweet smile. And heard Alec whisper ‘Of course’.

“You wanna hear something funny?” Alec looked over at Magnus with his hazel brown eyes.

“Sure.”

“My ex send me a friend request. And I thought why not check his account out, you know see what he’s up to. Turns out he’s in a relationship again with, I wouldn’t say ugly, but with a less attractive guy than me,” Alec smirked.

“And why is that funny?” Magnus raised his eyebrows sarcastically.

“It’s always nice to know that the guy who broke your heart is off with a much less attractive guy than you. I know I’m no Adonis, but that guy is seriously a 3.”

“I suppose that’s true. Not the you being no Adonis part, Alexander honestly when we first met I was drooling over how attractive you were,” Magnus admitted.

“Shut up,” Alec blushed.

“I won’t. When I first met you I wanted to rip your shirt off so badly and do unspeakable things to you, you don’t even want to know,” Magnus teased. “I’m sorry did I make it awkward?” he smirked again. Alec affectionately shook his head and rolled his eyes at the same time.

“You’re really something Magnus Bane.”

“I know right? Only for you, my love,” he joked. “What did you think of me when you met me?”

“Um.. I honestly thought that you were an angel descended from heaven,” Alec blurted out. It was Magnus’ time to blush.

“Oh well, thank you, dear.” Magnus chuckled.  “Did you have many exes?” Magnus asked to change the subject to something better, except  he didn’t change it to anything better, he turned it to something worse.

“I already told you, remember. I had two. First guy was James, the ex I just mentioned. He was great and all and my first real crush. He broke my heart and stomped on it when he was done playing with it. The other guy was Raj, he grew up on my block. He used to stalk me a little.” Magnus looked at Alec as if he had two heads. “yeah, he was a little weird. Finally, I agreed to go out with him. But he was really annoying and I wasn’t that into him, so we broke it off. We’re still actually friends. He just realized he had idolized me and was expecting too much. And I’ve had some crushes.. That is pretty much my dating life, not really that interesting. I guess I just work too much.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Magnus intervened.

“Guess not. How has your dating life been?” Alec regretted it the moment he had asked that question, he knew Magnus didn’t want to talk about that.

“Really long story… You got some time?”

“For you always,” Alec said before catching up with what he was actually saying.

“Okay, then. I’ve been with a lot of people…. And I mean a lot, I’ve had many flings but also some long lasting relationships. Imasu, Dot and Camille were the big ones. To start off with Imasu, he wanted more than I could give. I really adored him, but in the end he wanted to go back to Portugal and I’m still wondering where he is now, he was truly something. Then we have Dot, we had been friends for so long and eventually we started dating and it was great. But we still seemed to be only friends, there just wasn’t this connection between us. And then… then we have the big bad Camille. Camille broke my heart in a million pieces. I loved her so much, but she just thought I was foolish. I wouldn’t have lasted anyway, she would always say. She has cheated on me several times and I forgave her after each time. That was the only foolish thing I had done. The media seemed to love our relationship, what they didn’t realize was that it was toxic. Very toxic. Camille mentally abused me for years, she manipulated me into staying with her. And I did. She and I have a lot of history together and she saved me from myself. A few years ago I was in this horrible state of mind and I just wanted some sort of relief, I wanted to feel something. I wasn’t doing all that well, and Camille was there for me, she held me, carried me and cared for me. Without her I wouldn’t sit here right now, with you. So it’s more complicated then you could ever imagine. But in the end I realized that I deserved better than the manipulation and the mind games and I got out of it. I finally felt free and alive for the first time in many years. Camille’s curse was lifted. After that it was just one after the other, I didn’t have much self-control. But even then I fell for some, but they all wanted one thing,” Magnus sighed not meeting Alec’s eyes.

“Money or fame.” Alec finished.

“Yup. They didn’t want me they wanted me for the money or the popularity. In this lifestyle you just never know when someone is sincere. That’s why Catarina is so protective of me, she doesn’t want to see me hurt again.”

“Understandable.” Alec reached out his hand and put it on top of Magnus’. Magnus finally met his eyes, and he was met with big eyes full with adoration and kindness. 

“Do you still want a relationship after all the heartbreak?”

“Yes, I do. I love being in a relationship and I still believe in love, I just have to pick more wisely. I’ll never give up on love.” Alec smiled at him with one of his goofy ones.

“They were all idiots,” he eventually muttered.

“What?” Magnus asked confused.

“They were all idiots for not realizing what they had. They had Magnus Bane and just let him go. If It were me I’d never let you go.” Alec looked in Magnus’ eyes for a little too long, before he awkwardly coughed and stood up.

“I have to… uh… go again,” Alec quickly added.

“Yeah, see you soon.” He gave Alec a hug that lasted a little longer than normally, but neither of them minded. Eventually they pulled away and Magnus watched Alec leave. What Alec didn’t realize was that if only he asked, Magnus would be his. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!! This was a little later than normal, since I have a lot of exams the next week. But the story still continues and stuff is happening. Will Alec finally admit to Magnus that he likes him? Will Jace get what he deserves? Who knows... I want to thank you guys again for the support and the lovely comments. Hope you'll like this chapter too xx

Izzy was out having lunch with Simon when she got a text message from Alec saying that it was important and she had to meet him at his apartment asap.

She got there as fast as she could and when she finally found Alec sitting desperately on the couch she really began to worry.

“Alec what is the matter?” she asked concerned.

“I don’t know, Iz. I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?” Izzy was still confused by the conversation.

“What I should do? how I should feel?”

“About what?  For god’s sake Alec could you please just say it. I blew Simon off for this,” She was getting annoyed by now.

“It’s about Magnus. I’m really confused right now,” Alec sighed. Izzy took a seat on the couch next to Alec.

“You finally want to talk about it?” She asked softly.

“Yeah…” Alec said softly. “I just always want to be with him and want to hug him and touch him. And I just smile every time someone mentions him. I want to be just friends with him, because we can’t be more. We can’t be. But these feelings just keep coming and I can’t stop them.”

“Do you want to stop them?”

“I don’t know, Ugh… Why does this have to be so difficult and complicated.” Izzy took pity on her brother and wrapped an arm around him.

“It’s going to be fine, Alec. But I just have one question.”

Alec looked at her with curiosity on his face.

“Why can’t you be together?”

“I don’t want a relationship that everybody knows off. I don’t think I can take that, It would get too complicated.”

“That just seems like a bunch of excuses to me,” she said honestly.

“Izzy!” he scolded.

“What? You and Magnus like each other, right? And you want to be with him, right?” she waited for him to actually nod.

“Then what is stopping you, the media? His fans? I don’t get it.”

“I don’t want a public relationship, I want one that is just between the two of us.”

“Who says it can’t be?”

“I don’t know, Izzy. I feel so lost. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“How long has it been since your last relationship?” Izzy asked him.

“Uh.. three years or something..” Alec wasn’t willing to admit that he was a little embarrassed about that.

“Exactly, three years. I think that you need to give Magnus a chance. He is kind, funny, caring, so supportive and is just the sweetest. And don’t forget how extremely hot he is.”

“I know. He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” he smiled goofily at her. “But with work and everything I don’t have time for a relationship, especially with a celebrity.”

“But what if he wasn’t a celebrity, as you say? Then what?”

“Then I wouldn’t hesitate to be with him. But that’s not the point, he is and he can’t change that. I can’t change that. I just… god I feel so confused right now.”

“You want my opinion?”

“Yes please.”

“I think you’re falling for him.”

 

“I think I’m falling for him,” Magnus blurted out in front of Catarina.

“You what?” Catarina almost spit out her water.

“I think I’m falling for him….”

“For Alec?” she questioned.

“Yes.”

“How, why.. what?”

“Do I have to answer all of these questions? So how, I don’t know it just happened. Why? I don’t know it just happened. And What? I like Alec.”

“Yeah, I got that. But thank you.” She glared at him. “Magnus, think rationally. You two probably won’t work out right?”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t try. And I know he feels it too, it’s just… He says he doesn’t want to date a ‘celebrity’” Magnus sighed and sat down.

“You talked about this with him?”

“No, but that is what he said in the beginning… I don’t know if he has changed his mind.”

“Be careful, Magnus please don’t jump into this without thinking first.”

“I won’t, I promise. I’m not going to make the same mistakes again. I promise.”

“It’s your life Magnus. Do whatever you want with it.”

“That sounds very encouraging,” Magnus joked.

“What do you want me to say? I still don’t like what he did to you Magnus and what he said. So I don’t trust him. Maybe I will in the end, but don’t get all crazy again for a crush. I don’t want to see you hurt again,” Catarina walked over to where Magnus was sitting and gave him a quick hug.

“This one is different, I think.” He whispered in her ear. And god Catarina hoped that he was right, because she couldn’t handle Magnus being heartbroken again. He deserved love, after giving it to everyone else. He deserved someone that would love him the same as he loved them. Catarina prayed for Alec to be that someone, maybe she didn’t like him yet. But Magnus sure did.

 

 

***

 

After his talk with Izzy, Alec decided that he would talk to Magnus. He was quite nervous about what he was going to say, and he didn’t know where the conversation would be headed. He wanted to try with Magnus… The only thing he was worried about was his fame and they hadn’t even had troubles with that yet, so Alec had faith. Until their walk in the park….

“How is work?” Magnus asked Alec when they were walking side by side. The weather was awfully nice, and he could hear the birds chirping. When Magnus suggested to take a walk in the park, Alec happily agreed.

“It’s fine, still looking, but it’s fine. I talked to Claire and she’s doing better, she has therapy now.”

“That’s good for her, right?”

“Yeah, I’m happy she tries to move on with her life after that traumatic experience.”

“At some point you just have to,” Magnus mumbled.

“How is your work?”

“It’s great, we’re almost finished with shooting the first season, but we still don’t know if we’ll be picked up for a second season since it hasn’t aired yet. Izzy must have told you all about that. It has been a pleasure working with her these past few weeks, she is amazing. I still can’t believe nobody had hired her yet.” Magnus talked enthusiastically.

“No one big at least,” Alec continued.

“You have a really talented sister, Alexander.” Magnus nudged Alec’s side playfully.

“Thank you, she is really the talented one in the family.”

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short. You’re doing an incredible job at the precinct, a detective that cares… That is what everybody needs.”

Alec hummed in response. “What are you going to do when you stop shooting?”

“I mostly travel with Raphael or Catarina, sometimes Ragnor comes too. But this time, I don’t know yet. I really want to promote the show, because I know how hard people have worked on it. So I guess I’m staying in New York.” Magnus smiled sweetly at Alec.

“That’s great news,” Alec’s face lit up when Magnus was talking. “I mean… umm..” Alec tried to come up with an excuse, but in the end he decided against it. “I’m glad that you’re staying. I like having you around.” He looked at the ground, kicked a little stone with his feet and he followed it with his eyes.

“Me too,” Magnus looked over to Alec, who nervously kicked the stones around. “I will be doing interviews and might have to travel, though. But that’s most of the time not very long. And I have to do some interesting things, otherwise my fans will get bored of me.”

“I can’t imagine that,” Alec chuckled. “How are they taking the news of the show?”

“They are excited I think, but mostly curious as to what it is about. They’ll just have to wait and see. Are you going to watch it when it comes out?” Magnus asked meeting Alec’s eyes.

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You and Izzy are a big part of it, so of course I’m going to watch. No question there,” Alec said stern.

“You’re a sweet man, Alexander.” Magnus sighed and was followed by a moment of silence.

“Magnus I want to talk to you about something,” Alec started while he nervously fidgeted with his fingers. “About our relationship, I think that…..” his speech was interrupted by a shriek from a group of girls who were running towards him. Pushing Alec out of the way to get to Magnus.

“Oh my god, Magnus Bane! I’m such a huge fan!!!” One screamed. Not yelled, _screamed_. Alec wasn’t even sure he was supposed to hear such a high pitch coming from this other girl.

“I love you so much, how is filming going?”

“What are you doing right now?”

“Who is that?” a girl pointed to Alec.

“Where is Camille, are you back together?”

“Are you dating Isabelle Lightwood?” he heard another say, Alec physically winced when she mentioned it.

All of the girls were talking over one another with questions Alec knew Magnus didn’t want to answer. He stared at the flock of girls for a minute, trying to catch Magnus’ eyes. When he finally did he saw Magnus mouthing a quick ‘Sorry’ to him, before continuing to take selfies with the girls. Alec really didn’t get why they were so pushy and arrogant, didn’t they have manners. He got that they were trying to meet their idol, but this was just disrespectful.

Finally Magnus managed to pry them off of him. Thank god, Alec thought.

“Girls, it was nice to meet you all. But you’re interrupting my walk with my friend over here.” He pointed at Alec and all the stares turned to him. Some were looking at him like he was a potential threat and some looked curious. He heard a girl mutter something under her breath a few times. He couldn’t really make out what she was saying, but some of the words cut through. ‘That loser?’ ‘Why were you talking to him?’ ‘Who even is he?’ ‘Doesn’t seem like your type’ ‘Weirdo’ ‘Not worth it’  and suddenly he realized what it would be like to be dating Magnus Bane. Constant articles with his name in it, people judging him on his appearance, people hating on him for being with Magnus. He couldn’t handle that, not when he would believe the things they would say.

“We just wanted to take a picture with you, we heard that you would be around here somewhere,” A girl in a pink shirt chuckled.

“And that’s fine, if you’d let me get back to my talk with my friend,” Magnus still smiled at them and was really kind.

“Sure, sure.” Muttered a few.

They finally left them alone, after the autographs, selfies and hugs.

“Okay, then.” Alec began. “Wow, I didn’t know your fans were so rude,” Alec looked after them with a judgmental gaze.

“They aren’t all bad. These were just…. Enthusiastic.”

“How can you still be so kind and calm. They literally pushed me aside, started ripping at your arms and clothes and wouldn’t leave you alone. And they stalked you.”

“That’s fame, Alexander. Did they hurt you?” he asked suddenly concerned.

“No, they didn’t. But the threatening stares I got, weren’t a pleasure,” Alec sulked. Magnus chuckled and threw an arm around his waist.

“I promise you that they aren’t all like them, just a few. Most of them are really kind and sweet. They may go crazy when they meet me, but they always respect my boundaries. Those you met are just more daring… It isn’t always fun to be recognized like that, but they are just as passionate as the rest. They just show it differently.”

“Yeah by just storming towards you.” Magnus chuckled when Alec huffed.

“Now, what did you want to tell me?” Magnus looked up at him with a toothy grin.

“It’s stupid.” Magnus face fell when Alec said that and all of the sudden they felt this tension between them.

“I’m sorry about them.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he waved Magnus off.

 

***

 

To say that Alec was a little disappointed and upset, was a bit of an understatement. He went out and finally wanted to tell Magnus how he felt, but some people just had to ruin that. He knew it wasn’t really their fault, he chickened out himself. But how could he not, when he was sure that he would never be good enough for Magnus. Magnus was a well-known actor and Alec was a simple detective that was addicted to his job. He couldn’t be in a relationship with Magnus. Alec knew he was just making excuses because he didn’t want to confront Magnus about any of this, he was just too scared. Too scared to actually say something and go after the one thing he wanted ever since he met the guy. Magnus brought him sunshine and smiles, being in his presence just felt really comforting and happy. Alec wouldn’t deny his feelings if he was asked, but saying them all on your own was a different kind of thing. Izzy knew about it, of course she did. He was pretty sure Maia was hardcore shipping them, so there was that. The walk took forever to finish, but he finally stood in front of his own apartment. Hesitating to get his keys out, not sure why. It felt as if he would walk through that door, he would lose all his courage and would never tell Magnus how he felt. Because right now he could turn around, run to Magnus’ place and confess what he has been feeling for all this time.

 

But he couldn’t.

 

The time didn’t feel right.

 

_And Timing was everything. When he was really ready for it, it would come._

He opened the apartment door and was greeted by Jace playing a video game on the couch.

“Sup, man. How was your day?” he asked with very little attention towards Alec.

“It was okay.” Alec took a deep breath and flopped down on the couch next to Jace. Alec expected Jace to just keep on playing, so when he stopped his game and turned to Alec ready for a talk, Alec was a little surprised.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear it,” He mumbled to himself, but Jace still heard.

“Okay…. What if I say that I do want to hear about it?”

“It’s about Magnus, so I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear about it.”

“Ouch,” Jace sunk into the couch dramatically pulling at his chest. Alec rolled his eyes at him and wanted to get up.

“No, Alec stay. I’m sorry, okay? I know things haven’t been the same with us lately. But I’m still your brother, I still want to hear about your life.”

“Okay…”

“So, tell me about your day honestly.”

“I went on a walk with Magnus to tell him that I have feelings for him, his fans dropped by and interrupted us. Then they started insulting me and now I will never tell Magnus how I feel, Good night.” Alec said hastily and tried walking to his room.

“Hold up, hold up. You have feelings for Magnus?”

“Yes, wasn’t that obvious?” Alec shook his head self-deprecatingly.

“I guess… to an outsider. But you catch on pretty late most of the times, so if you’ve realized it, it must be pretty bad, huh?”

“Well, thanks. I don’t have time for your little games, Jace. I’m already feeling terrible.”

“Hey, come on, Alec. You know I’m joking. What did these fans tell you that made you doubt how you feel?”

“Just the usual.” That he always repeated over and over in his head.

“What is the usual?” Jace was still a little confused by the situation.

“Nothing, okay? Would you just drop it?”

“Fine. But Alec just know what ever they said about you, it’s not true. No judgment anymore, right?”

“Right.” Alec bit his lip and thought about the truth behind Jace’s words, was he right? It wasn’t true what they said? Technically he knew that far in his mind, but the insecure little voice just wouldn’t shut up. Ever.

“Oh, right. The girl is coming over later tonight, so if you want to meet her, you should come out of your room.”

“You want me to meet her? Big step, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know, she seems really cool and I don’t think she’ll be gone very soon. So…”

“Fine.”

“She’s really cool, you’ll see.”

“Great, have you been on a date with her?” Alec asked curiously.

“Yeah, we’ve had two dates and we kissed,” Jace’s face beamed when he said that.

“Okay, then.” Alec looked a little confused at Jace.

“What’s wrong?” Jace asked suspiciously.

“I don’t know, it’s just that I’ve never seen you make this much of an effort for a girl.”

“I told you, I think she’s different.”

“If you want me to meet her, I’ll meet her. But right now, I’m going to lock myself in my bedroom and question my entire existence,” Alec said dramatically before he went ahead, he still could hear Jace yell: “Drama queen.”

 

When Alec heard chatting coming from the living room, he thought about staying in his room not come out. He didn’t want to see anyone at this point, but curiosity got the best of him. So, when he stepped out of his room and entered the living room, he was shocked to see a  tiny red haired girl sitting next to Jace.

“Oh,” Alec said out of shock.

Clary quickly turned her head around and you could see the confusion in her eyes. Her big green eyes widened at the sight of Alec and turned back to Jace. Jace, who of course didn’t understand the situation, looked up at Alec for answers.

“You guys know each other?” He asked jokingly, not knowing what was going to happen.

“How do you know him?” Clary gaped.

“He’s my brother..”

“You’re Chase Lightwood?!” Clary almost screamed at him.

“Yes, I mean no. It’s Jace.. why?” Naïve Jace still didn’t understand what was going on.

“Oh, my, god.” She got up from the couch. “You’re the one who stood Magnus up?”

Jace’s eyes widened when he suddenly realized why they were acting so strange.

“You didn’t tell her who you were?” Alec asked with almost a smile on his face, almost.

“I did, but not my last name!”

“I kissed the most judgmental guy out there, oh my god. How could I be so dumb?” she asked herself. “Dammit, why do all the hot guys always have to be jerks?”

“I’m so sorry, Clary. I didn’t know. I have apologized to Magnus, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t you _ever_ call me again,” she grabbed her glass of water and threw it right in his face. Alec did not see that one coming. The little redhead was feisty, he could give her that. She threw Jace another glare and stormed out of the apartment.

“Good seeing you again, Alec. Tell Izzy I’ll call her back.” She quickly said before she slammed the door. Alec couldn’t hold it in anymore, he broke down laughing. The situation was so funny, he couldn’t not laugh. Especially when he saw Jace’s face, full with surprise and shock.

“What the fuck just happened?”

“I think the girl who ‘won’t be gone very soon’, just left.” Alec still chuckled.

“Would you shut up?!” Jace threw a pillow to his face and hit him pretty hard. “Have I cheered up your day with my misery?” Jace asked sarcastically.

“You sure did, Jace. You sure did.” Alec smiled when his laughing fit was over.

“I’m glad, you’re happy,” Jace grumbled and moved Alec out of the way.

 “Hey, don’t be such a grump. I thought you liked that she was feisty,” Alec chuckled.

“Yeah, look what feisty got me.” He gestured towards his wet shirt.

“It’s just a little bit of water, Jace. You’re not going to melt.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha,” Jace deadpanned. “Very funny.”

“Oh, don’t worry. This will probably blow over and she’ll be talking to you again in no time.”

“Yeah, right,” Jace said sarcastically.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, please leave some kudos and/or comments. It always brightens my day :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!! I'm almost done with school, so I'm hoping that I can update more frequently then. This story has taken a turn for me and it's getting more serious than it has been. You'll notice with this chapter that there is something going on and I want to explore that more with Alec. This chapter you're going to meet Ragnor and he's going to give some excellent advice, you'll also see more of the Magnus & Isabelle relationship. Hope you'll enjoy xx

Magnus was waiting at the airport for one of his most important friends, not that he would ever tell them. Ragnor Fell. Ragnor and Magnus have been friends for over ten years, so Ragnor knew almost everything about him. His likes, his dislikes, his fears, his joy, his urks and his secrets. They were what you would call Best friends, but they would never, ever, refer to themselves as such. Ragnor Fell and Magnus Bane had some sort of a weird relationship, they were always sarcastic with each other, joking around. Teasing each other for every little embarrassing thing they could think off. So, it probably wasn’t a good idea that Ragnor knew everything about him. Magnus always would refer to Ragnor as an old grump, because he would rather spend his time reading a book, than going out partying. They weren’t even that far apart of age, but Magnus just loved to make fun of him. Magnus quickly caught on the fact that Ragnor hated nicknames, he absolutely hated them, so knowing Magnus he would use every term of endearment on the poor guy. With nicknames such as: little cabbage, green leaf, annoying grump etc. And while he didn’t like nicknames used on him particularly, Ragnor did use some on Magnus himself. Such as: brat, know it all, idiot etc. Those may seem a little harsh, but it was all good between them. Probably from the outside you wouldn’t understand their relationship, but if you looked just a little closer you got to see how caring and protective they really were of each other. It was all just games between them, but they could also be serious. Ragnor had seen Magnus grow and become the actor he was today, and that had shaped a real bond between them. Because Ragnor knew how hard it had been and how defeated Magnus sometimes was. Ragnor probably would never admit it either, but Magnus always thought he was proud of him. Ragnor also was the best listener in the entire world, and gave the best advice of all, Luke was a close second. He was a really good friend to Magnus and Magnus wouldn’t trade him for the world, which he also would never say aloud. When he decided he would move back to London, Magnus had been heartbroken. He had refused to let him leave and actually boycotted the move. He had thought that he wanted to leave him, but Ragnor just had been homesick and wanted to go back home. Magnus couldn’t argue with that, since he also missed Indonesia sometimes and finally let him go. But not before he had to promise to come visit every six months, and to this day he had never broken that promise.

 

“Cabbage!” Magnus yelled when he finally saw the old man, that wasn’t that old.

“Magnus, for god’s sake how many times do I have to tell you to not call me that?” Ragnor hissed at him when he walked over. Magnus quickly pulled him in a hug.

“Oh don’t be such a grump. You secretly love it when I call you that,” Magnus chuckled in his shoulder.

“Okay, okay. Enough of that. Let’s have a reunion somewhere where it won’t be speculated if we’re dating or not.” Ragnor huffed and gave the a sideway glance to a girl who was secretly recording, not very subtle.

“Oh yeah right, that happened once didn’t it.” Ragnor glared at him and grabbed his bags to put them in the car. “Oh don’t be so sour, it wasn’t even that bad. Was it such a disaster to have people thinking we were dating?”

“Yes, now let’s get in the car and start driving.”

“Okay, boss.”

“As disinterested I mostly am about your life, how have you been?” Ragnor said annoyed with a sincere undertone.

“I know you love me,” Magnus stuck out his tongue at Ragnor while keeping an eye out on the road.

“Well.. What have you been up to? Parties, drinks, sleeping around, new film?”

“I’m so happy that you see me like that,” Magnus said sarcastically. “Well, I haven’t done much actually since the last time we saw each other.”

“Magnus Bane hasn’t done much?  That is some news,” Ragnor teased.

“Yeah, I don’t know I’ve been crazy busy, though, but with different kinds of stuff. The downworld is busy filming right now and it’s been an absolute pleasure and I’ve been really busy with directing. Work hasn’t excited me this much since I got my first big role.”

“That’s great, Magnus.”

“So, it’s been pretty okay lately. I’m pretty happy right now. How about my dear cabbage, everything okay with you?”

“Ugh.. same old, same old. Not much going on at the time. I did collect another hundred books for my collection. These ones were like really old.”

“Older than you?” Magnus chuckled.

“Yeah, ha. Ha. Ha. You know what Magnus you should become a comedian,” Ragnor deadpanned.

“Well, we both know how my comedy turned out, so better I’d skip that one.”

After the car ride they both got Ragnor’s stuff out of his car and placed it in his apartment. Luckily, Ragnor was a man of little possessions. He only brought one suitcase and a bag, when he was staying for a week.

“Cat are you here?” Magnus yelled when he closed the front door behind them.

“Yeah, what’s with all the yelling?” Cat came around the corner to great her two longest friends.

“Ragnor, how have you been?” She went in for a hug and Ragnor gave in, even though he wasn’t much of a hugger and was slightly uncomfortable.

“Is Raphael here too?” he asked expectedly.

“No, unfortunately Raph is visiting some family at the moment,” Magnus sighed. “But that doesn’t mean that the old crew, can’t party like it’s 1999!”

“Oh god, you’re a real dork, Magnus Bane.” Ragnor sighed disapprovingly.

“Hey, I thought you accepted my Prince obsession years ago. May he rest in peace.”

“Never did, Magnus. Never did.” Ragnor muttered and flopped down on the coach groaning.

“I’ll get you guys some drinks, be right back,” Catarina intervened.  
“What’s wrong little cabbage?” Magnus whined.

“Seriously, I’m getting too old to fly from London to New York. I think next time you have to visit me.”

“That can be arranged,” Magnus seated himself next to Ragnor on the couch.

“But seriously, Magnus. Made any new friends?”

“Not really, I’ve been hanging out with Clary a lot more and with Simon. He’s actually one of the writers of the show now, and he’s doing a damb good job. He is really great.” Magnus just finished his sentence when Catarina interrupted with a plate full of drinks and food.

“Urgh.. Don’t tell me you’re talking about the Lightwood boy again.”

“No, Cat we were in fact, not,” Magnus glared at Catarina before his attention was pulled.

“Lightwood boy? Did I miss something.”

Magnus groaned loudly and wished Cat would never have said anything about the matter. He didn’t want to talk about Alec right now. At the moment things weren’t going all that well, since their run in last week Alec had been avoiding him, he was certain. When asked about it of course Alec would deny the whole thing, but he just knew. He got why Alec wasn’t talking as much to him anymore, it happened all the time. But Alec had said that he didn’t have to worry about it, then why did he though? Maybe it was because Alec hadn’t returned any of his texts and wasn’t willing to talk, claiming that he was busy. He finally started to forget about the situation, until Cat made a comment.

“Nothing, not important right now.”

“I’m intrigued now, Magnus tell me about him.” Magnus knew he wouldn’t give up that easily, so he gave up and told him.

 “Alexander Lightwood, skin made of porcelain, hair as black as a raven’s, face sculpted by angels and body made by god himself,” Magnus sighed dreamily.

“That is one hell of a description….”

“We met one day and I thought it was the luckiest day in my life, he spilled some coffee on my new Marc Jacobs shirt, but I didn’t mind if he would just look at me the way he did. But he dragged me to his apartment got me to change his shirt, I gave him my number and we started texting. We really hit it off, but there was one problem…. He didn’t know who I was.”

“What?”

“He knew me by name, but since I didn’t give him one when we met, he didn’t recognize me. Everything was still great we were going on a date, but he stood me up. Apparently he figured it out and chickened out. He wanted to cancel, but his brother intervened and decided it was better for me to be stood up.” Magnus chuckled self-deprecatingly.

“Later on he went to my party I was holding for my cast mates and crew. Isabelle, who plays Rose, is his sister. She brought him and he decided to confront me, we had a whole discussion and horrible things were said. The next day he brought me flowers and apologized we went out to grab some food and we talked. We decided we wanted to become friends and here we are, friends. Just friends.” Magnus muttered the last part and hoped nobody would pick up on it.

“Okay…” Ragnor still hesitated for a bit to respond. “That sounds like a really cheesy romantic comedy,” Ragnor teased.

“He can never stop talking about the guy, it’s all he talks about,” Catarina sighed. “And  I don’t trust him, yet. He has said some horrible things to Magnus and I don’t know if I can forgive him for that, but besides that he does seem like a decent guy.”

“Cat would you give us a moment?” Ragnor asked her. Cat didn’t say anything and left the room, leaving Magnus alone with Ragnor.

“Do you like him?” Ragnor asked after there was a moment of silence.

“Yes..”

“Did you forgive him for the things he said?”

“Yes, he has been amazing ever since.”

“Do you want more than just friendship?”

“We’re great as friends, I think that maybe that’s for the best.”

“The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie.” Ragnor raised his eyebrows as a gesture to show him that he knew Magnus, even when Magnus didn’t know himself half of the time.

“Do you want more than friendship?” Ragnor asked again.

“Yes.”

“Okay, there you have it. I think it’ll be good if you tell the guy how you feel.”

“Alec, doesn’t want a relationship with me. He has made that clear on a few occasions, we haven’t even talked to each other since last week. It’s just not the right time for us.”

“You can’t always wait for the perfect time. Sometimes, you have to dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what if.”

“I know, I do. But I’m not ready for a serious relationship. I just have to let this one go, no matter how I feel. He doesn’t feel the same.”

Ragnor stood up from the couch and walked away. “Keep telling yourself that Magnus. Never brave enough to actually do something.”

Magnus wanted to object, but what cause was it if he knew Ragnor was right. He was too afraid, too afraid to tell Alec how he really felt.

 

***

 

“So this is where everything is filmed?” Ragnor asked Magnus when he gave him a tour of the set.

“Yes, mostly. We do some location work, but you know how that goes. We mostly film in here.”

“They’ve really stepped it up this time with the set, it really looks great.”

“Yeah, I know right.” Magnus smiled proudly at his friend, but frowned when he saw a worried looking Isabelle coming towards them.

“Magnus!” she exclaimed, concern written on her face.

“I’m sorry, my friend. I’m..”

“Go, see what’s going on.” Ragnor gestured him away. Magnus quickly checked to see if his friend was sincere, when he was certain he rushed over to the dark haired girl. Isabelle seemed a little out of breath and was fanning her face.

“Warm?” Magnus asked teasingly. Izzy glared at him and gave him a slap on the arm, not hard enough to cause a bruise, but just hard enough to make Magnus yelp.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” she accusingly said. “Where were you?”

“A little bit of everywhere,” Magnus tried to sound nonchalant, but Izzy knew him well enough and raised her eyebrow, the way she always does when she knows what you are up to.

“Fine, I was giving my friend here a tour of the set.” Magnus gestured over to where Ragnor still stood, as stiff as a tree. He honestly looked a little lost and. He waved awkwardly when he felt their eyes turning on him. Izzy gave him a blinding smile and turned back to her conversation with Magnus.

“Can we..” she whispered close to him. “Can we talk somewhere more private?”

“Yeah, of course. Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know.” Wow, so it was serious, Magnus thought. Normally Izzy was prepared to talk about anything, anywhere.

“Okay, let me just tell Ragnor.” Magnus walked over to where his friend still stood and told him that he and Izzy were going to talk for a minute and he could go home if he wanted. Ragnor was thrilled to hear that he could go back home, sit in a dark hole again and read till his eyes were tired. Explaining that he was too tired of his day filled with annoying people. Magnus just rolled his eyes at his comment but still thanked him for understanding. He walked back over to Isabelle, together they walked towards Magnus’ trailer to have their private discussion. Magnus had no idea what she was going to say, but he was nervous nonetheless. He let Izzy in and hesitated before closing the door, the minute the door was closed, Izzy began questioning him.

“Have you spoken to Alec the last few days?” she quickly breathed out.

“No I haven’t, why?” Magnus questioned still confused.

“He hasn’t answered my texts, he hasn’t answered my calls, he hasn’t been home Jace says. I don’t know what’s going on, Magnus. And honestly I was hoping you would… but since you don’t.” Izzy sighed heavily and plopped down on the couch, looking defeated.

“I tried calling Maia, but she has some time off. And I don’t have Luke’s phone number with me.”

“Why wouldn’t he answer your texts or your calls?” Magnus asked, trying to understand one thing at a time.

“I don’t know… Alec is good at pushing people away when he needs them, because he doesn’t want to be a burden. So, when stuff like this happens. I freak out,” she explained. “Alec is complicated, as you might know. And he has some issues with himself and the opinions of others.. but I think Alec should tell you more about that himself.” She admitted, Magnus thought she was right. Alec should tell him, himself. “But whenever he closes himself off, I just.. I get so frustrated, I don’t know what to do. He won’t talk to me about it, he won’t!”

“Okay, Iz. Slow down,” Magnus tried to calm her down. He slowly sat next to her, letting her lean against his shoulder.

“I know something is wrong Magnus, I know it. But he won’t tell me. Ever since last week he’s been different, more distant.” Magnus felt guilt creeping up. Last week? The walk in the park? Alec had been fine, right? He had noticed that Alec wasn't talking much anymore, but he didn't know it was something serious. Magnus just guessed that he was busy with work. “I wish he would just talk to me about his problems, but I know nothing. With things like his mental health, he’ll just try to push me away as far as humanly possible. I know he’s not taking good care of himself and I always try to help as much as possible, but he won’t take it. He doesn’t want my help,” she said disappointed. “And If he’s not answering his phone or any of the texts I send him, I don’t know what’s going on. When I asked Jace, he just told me that Alec had been overworking this week, this isn’t healthy Magnus. And he won’t listen to me about it.”

“I hadn’t realized…”

“Of course you haven’t,” Izzy said desperate. “Alec just pushes everyone away, until he’s all miserable by himself.”

“But mental health? I don't get it, Izzy what has been going on?”

“Well, it isn’t something that I’m sure of, since Alec always refused to talk about it, but I strongly believe that he has problems with his mental health. I don’t know if it’s a burn out, or stress related, but he’s not doing so well. Especially when he’s under a lot of stress.”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. Do you want me to talk to him about it? I don’t know if it’ll work, but I can at least try right?”

“Maybe he would open up more, since you’re the only one right now he trusts.”

“That’s not true and you know it!” Magnus scolded her. “I think Alec doesn’t want you to get involved. He’s probably afraid that you care too much.”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“Depends on the situation. But Izzy, Alec cares about you and loves you. Don’t ever forget that.” He smiled at her and pinched her cheeks a little. Like one would do to a little sister, which she kind of had become these last few months.

“He talks about you all the time, you know,” Magnus began.

“Right back at ya,” Izzy chuckled.

“I’m serious, he’s always talking about his talented little sister, Izzy. Always saying that you’re so confident and smart and so much more.” Izzy smiled a little through her tears filled eyes. 

"I wish he would say these things about himself..." she mumbled, but decided that she didn't want to have a heavy conversation. "Does he say anything negative?"

“Always positive, unless it’s about your singing or cooking.” Magnus teased her a little.

“Hey,” Izzy shoved him softly. “I’m not that bad..”

“Well, your lasagne tells a different story,” he joked.

She gave Magnus a pout which made him beam at the playfulness of the conversation, but things had to get real. Alec was not okay and they both knew it.

“I’ll try to talk to Alec, okay?”

She nodded her head and wiped the tears with her sleeve, Magnus wrapped his arms around her and held on for a few minutes.

“He’s probably fine, just busy with work,” he tried to comfort her, but to no success. 

“Probably… I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he doesn’t call back or even leave a message. I feel so helpless.”

“Don’t. You’re trying your best, I’m going to talk to Luke and see what’s going on, okay?”

“Okay..”

Isabelle had to go get changed when they came to get her and Magnus quickly send a message to Ragnor.

 

**Magnus**

_I’m sorry it’s going to take a while, don’t know when I’ll be back. Alec needs me._

16:45

 

**Little Cabbage**

_It’s fine, be there for him…_

16:50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed it, please leave a comment or a kudo. They still make my day :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been kind of nervous to post this chapter, since it is a lot more personal than I expected it to be. This story also turned a little darker than i expected. In this chapter you'll find out what is going on with Alec and get to see more of what's happening with him. you'll also see Claire again en she and Alec have a good conversation about things.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: this chapter explains a panic/anxiety attack. It is not that graphic, but it does describe Alec's feelings and his reaction. For some this can be triggering so I'm warning you, if you'll easily get an attack then you should skip this chapter. The first scene is based on my OWN personal experiences. Not every panic/anxiety attack is like this, but everyone has their own experiences with them. This just desciribes mine. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter xx

“Ugh… just nothing goes right.” Alec grumbled. He was cursing at the coffee stain he made when he accidentally spilled his drink all over his work table. This week was not going well for him. First the whole stuff with Magnus, then the troubles at work, he just couldn’t take it anymore. He was on edge this entire week and he couldn’t understand why.. He didn’t want to talk to anyone and was overall really distracted. Even Theo, this awfully lazy guy, had asked him to concentrate, Theo! When Luke saw Alec violently rubbing at the papers, he walked over to him.

“Hey, kiddo. How are you doing?” he asked kindly.

“Not the best right now… as you can see,” he mumbled. As he tried to clean his desk he got more and more frustrated.

“Ugh!” moaned and threw some things off his desk.

“Woah,” Luke held his hands up and came over to Alec’s side. “Maybe you should just head home for today. Alaric can take over for now, okay?”

“I’m fine, Luke.” Alec gritted out.

“You are obviously not, so I think its best if you go home right now. Alec, I know you want to help, but this isn’t helping.” Luke placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder, but Alec pulled away.

“I’m just having a bad week…”

“And that is fine, but sometimes we have to take a break for ourselves. Go home, Alec. That is an order.” Luke said stern.

“Fine,” Alec grabbed his bag, threw it across his shoulder and stormed out.

 

When Alec was finally settled on the couch he heard a knock on the door and grumbled in response. He didn’t want to stand up and open the door, it was just too far. He already didn’t have a good day today and was just horribly exhausted. Which wasn’t an exaggeration. He saw the worried texts from Izzy, but he just couldn’t open them, it would’ve been too much. And today at work wasn’t much of a productive day either. Nothing seemed to work while he was looking through the files, people kept bitching at him and he just couldn’t take it anymore. His head felt too full, it felt as if he couldn’t register anything anymore. The things people told him today weren’t in his memory. What did they talk about again? Did he have a conversation with Maia? No, Maia wasn’t there, right? Was he that off that he couldn’t even remember the day he had? He had just written his worries off as having a bad day, but he didn’t know anymore. It didn’t feel like a bad day, it felt like a bad everything. It felt like he couldn’t breathe and he was left with this horrifying tenseness in his stomach and body overall. It felt like he was on edge the entire time and couldn’t relax even if he wanted to.   

When he heard the person knock for the second time, he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He walked towards the door slowly and opened the door.

“Hi,” Magnus sighed while he looked Alec over. Alec was wearing sweatpants that were too big, an oversized shirt and he had thrown the blanket over his shoulder. In conclusion he didn’t look very well.

“What’s wrong, darling?” Damn Magnus for already knowing him that well, Alec’s breath hitched in his throat. “Hey, you can tell me. There is nothing to be ashamed of, Alexander.” With those words Alec couldn’t keep it in any longer. His breathing got quicker and he started to cry his eyes out. All the things he kept hidden spilled out. He broke in front of Magnus, something he wished he would never do. He didn’t want anyone to see him cry, especially not Magnus. But when he felt Magnus’ arms circle around his waist and his face pressing in his shoulder, he was glad he did. Alec trembled and started collapsing in Magnus’ hold, which made Magnus’ embrace grow tighter. His legs started trembling and with every step he felt like he had run a marathon. Luckily Magnus held him close. Alec let his face rest in the crook of Magnus’ neck while he sobbed. His breath caught in his throat and it felt like he was drowning, as he gasped and reached for air Magnus’ hands ran soothingly across his back. He whispered nothings in his ear and tried to sooth the man.  
“It’s okay, Alexander. Let it out. Let it out. Just remember to breath.” Alec started to panic when he realized he didn’t know how to anymore, when do you breath in? And when out? His breathing started to feel much needier and higher, with every breath he took, he felt like he still didn’t get enough oxygen. Alec didn’t know what to do. His deep breaths didn’t help, since he still breathed so fast. Magnus noticed that it became worse and intervened.

“Breath with me, darling. Please. In 1, 2, 3, 4. Out 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10” Alec tried to focus on the melodic voice, but it only soothed him a bit. Alec synchronized his breathing with Magnus’ and calmed down after about ten of minutes. He calmed down a bit, still breathing heavy, with a pounding heart very present in his chest. Magnus felt Alec relax in his hold and brought him over to the couch. He set him down gently and went over to the kitchen to grab a glass of water for him.

“Izzy said you were having trouble.” Alec thanked Magnus for the drink and took a big gulp, still trembling.

“Yeah, I’ve been struggling for a bit.”

“What’s going on, Alec? Is it work or everything else?”

“It’s kind of everything, nothing goes right.”

“I’m sure that is not true.”

“It is.” Alec sat the drink down as Magnus took a seat next to him. Magnus hesitated a little before taking Alec’s shaking hand in his.

“I’ve just had a bad week, that’s it.” Magnus shook his head at the stubbornness the detective still showed.

“It’s not, Alec. You don’t have a breakdown like that because you’re just having a bad week,” he tried to say it as softly as possible, while he pushed a strand of hair out of Alec’s face.

“Yes, I do.” Tears started forming in his eyes again. He didn’t want to talk about this, he didn’t talk with anyone about this. But maybe he should.

“Alexander…” Magnus tried to convince Alec to talk.

“No, I can’t talk about this, I don’t know how. I’m not good at this. I’m not good at anything…”

“Stop it, that is not true!” Magnus exclaimed. Alec pushed Magnus’ hands away and stood up.

“Yes it is! I’m not a good brother, I’m not a good friend, I’m not even a good detective. I can’t do one single thing right,” he yelled at the top of his lungs. Angry at everyone, but at the same time angry at no one, just angry at himself. “I can’t help anyone, I want to so badly. But I can’t. I can’t help Claire or anyone for that matter, I’m just useless.” Magnus stood up and grabbed Alec’s face with force.

“You are not useless, Alexander Lightwood. You are the best brother, the best friend and the best detective anyone could ask for.” Alec noticed the sparks in Magnus’ eyes.

“Then why don’t I believe you?” Alec’s voice cracked when the tears started falling down his face again. Magnus pulled him back in his arms, hugging him as tight as possible. Trying to hold up the man in front of him, the man that didn’t believe in himself.

“I’m worthless, nobody cares about me.” Alec blurted out, and he knew it wasn’t fair. He knew people cared, but his thoughts just took over, like they always did at a time like this. Magnus pulled away slightly and cupped Alec’s face in both hands again, wiping away the tears that covered his beautiful face.

“Alexander. I care. I’m here right now, because I care. Izzy cares, Jace cares, Maia cares, Luke cares. Alec people care about you so much. You are the best person I’ve ever met in my entire life. I’m so lucky to have you in my life right now. I need you, Alexander. And I care so much about you.”

Alec sniffled and returned to his former spot in Magnus’ neck.

“I know. I’m just so tired.” He simply said and Magnus was happy to let Alec hug him for a while, even when the tall boy was leaning heavily on him. “So tired,” he mumbled again.

 

After a while they were both sitting next to each other on the couch.

“How long have you been feeling this way?” Magnus broke the silence deciding that they had to talk about this.

“Can’t remember.” Alec said shortly. “I think I’m just burned out, I’ll be fine in a couple of weeks.”

“A burn out is serious, Alexander. It’s not something you can fix in a few weeks.”

“I’ll be fine, I’m just stressed.” Alec muttered.

“I've had pretty bad PTSD when I was growing up so I know an anxiety attack when I see it,” Magnus looked stern at Alec, but Alec yet again didn’t respond.

“I think you need to talk to someone about this, maybe a therapist can help.”

“A therapist? I’m not sick, Magnus.” Alec shot up from the couch defensively. Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand.

“That’s not what I mean, darling. I think you have too much on your plate right now. Talking with someone you trust helps, but I’m no professional.”

“I don’t want to disappoint anyone, Magnus. I feel like I’m letting everyone down. And if I would just keep going, it would be okay. But It’s like I’m trapped in this spiral that is just pulling me down, again and again. I feel like the water is catching up to me and I can’t breathe.” Magnus heart broke seeing Alec like this.

“You can’t keep going on like this, you need to take a break.”

“But I can’t. I have to do stuff, I have to help. I can’t just do nothing. I’m the only one that cares, Magnus. I can’t give her up. I’m just so tired.”

“I know, but you can’t go on like this. It’s not healthy.” Alec stayed silent for a little bit.

“Magnus, can I hug you again?”

“You don’t even have to ask, dear.” Magnus circled his arms around Alec’s waist again and squeezed him tight.

“I’m so tired,” Alec’s voice trembled with emotion, he buried his face in the crook of Magnus’ neck, until he felt himself relax. He knows they need to talk more about this, but not tonight. Tonight he just wanted to hold Magnus and at least pretend that everything was going to be okay.

 

***

 

Alec was nervous when he visited Claire the next day. Magnus and him had talked a little, but mostly he had been there for support. And Alec appreciated that tremendously. They did come to the conclusion that Alec had to talk to Claire about the whole thing again, to talk about Alec’s issues too. Magnus and him would talk about the situation again, he was sure of it, but Alec had to figure some stuff out too. Claire and Alec had gotten to know each other better since they met, Alec wanted to keep in close contact with her in case she needed anything. So here he was, standing in front of her apartment waiting for his courage to show up and actually knock on the door. Before he could, the door was already opened for him. Claire stood on the other side in her leisure outfit. Black sweatpants and a I love New York hoodie, that according to her was too corny to throw out.

“Hi,” Alec said surprised.

“Hi, I saw you coming from my window,” she explained. “Come in.”

Alec mumbled a quick thanks and stepped inside.

“I didn’t expect to see you at the moment, to be quite honest with you,” Claire chuckled.

“I know, I didn’t expect to come to you actually. But I just wanted to talk to you and see how you were doing.”

“I’m doing okay, I guess. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, but I’m coping,” she gave Alec a shy smile and poured him some water.

“I see you decorated a little bit,” he pointed towards the new pillows and the little accessories.

“Yeah, actually those are my girlfriend’s. She wanted to lighten up my apartment,” she looked at Alec for something, probably his reaction, he thought.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” Alec wasn’t particularly surprised but they hadn’t really talked about relationships all that much.

“That’s because I didn’t tell you,” she stated matter-of-factly. “Her name is Jacky and she is the kindest. When we had our talks I didn’t feel like bringing her up, you know? It’s personal and some don’t always approve of our relationship.”

“That sucks right?” Alec tried. “I mean… People don’t know how to mind their own business. Trust me, I know.”

“You mean?”

“Yup, gay.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” she walked over to the window and just stared a little. Alec hesitated for a minute. “Uh.. I.. no.. I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Why the hesitation?” she raised her eyebrows when she turned towards him.

“It’s complicated..”

“Isn’t it always?” she chuckled.

“I guess. How are your therapy sessions going?”

“They are okay, they do help me. But I still see _him_ every time I close my eyes. And I know that everyone wants to help and make things easier for me, but I just want to process this whole experience. Jacky does help me a lot and my family is always there for me, so I can’t complain, right?” she let out a self-deprecating laugh.

“My friend has set in more security, in and around pandemonium, but it still hasn’t happened again.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. But I promise you that I will hunt that bastard down, and I will prosecute him.”

“That’s good…. It still wouldn’t change how I feel right now, but at least he won’t do it again. Alec can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Why do you care so much? It almost seems you care more than me..” Alec was taken back by that question.

“Girls (some boys too) like you have to live their entire life with the fact that they got sexually harassed and nobody ever cares. Nobody seems to give a shit, when it comes to these things. They write something on Twitter or share a message, but nobody does anything about it. Only the big cases get prosecuted and I can’t stand that. Someone touched you without your consent and that is simply not okay. I don’t care what I have to do, but that man is going behind bars. I will make sure of it. I’m not okay with injustice and maybe another detective would’ve dropped the case, but I won’t. I’m not letting him off the hook for what he did to you and possibly to other girls. I’m not.” Claire seemed shocked for a moment before she ran to Alec and hugged him tight.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“But you don’t have to burn yourself out for this,” Alec rolled his eyes at her.

“I’m okay.”

“Say the people who aren’t. Trust me, I know. I can see it’s taking its toll on you. And while I appreciate the support, I don’t want you to risk your own health. Maybe you should talk to someone..”

“I know.”

 

When Alec left her apartment after they’d talked for a little while, he called Magnus.

“Hey, Magnus. It’s me. About those therapists, do you recommend anyone?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we'll see Alec and magnus talk more about the whole issue. If you liked this chapter please leave a kudo or a comment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we'll see more of Magnus' backstory and Alec's. I tried to talk about it as respectful as possible, so I hope I did a good job. This chapter is a little longer than usual, so it will take more time for me to update the next one since that one is still in the works. I don't know how many chapters I'm gonna do, but the ending is near for this part of the story. I'm planning on making this a series so you'll get to see more of the story. I hope you'll enjoy xx
> 
> Disclaimer: There will be talk about non consensual sex, talk about abuse, talk about panic attacks and more. So, please read with caution.

Magnus was on his way to Alec’s apartment. He didn’t really know why, probably because he was still worried and they still needed to talk. They both didn’t know if something was really going on or if it was a one time thing and Magnus was eager to know. Especially since he wanted to know if Alec was alright. Alec meant, well means, a lot to him and he wanted to do everything in his power to make sure Alec was okay. After his talk with Ragnor he wanted to tell Alec how he felt, but then life just got in the way again… And right now, the least important thing was Magnus’ feelings towards Alec. Alec had problems and he needed to focus on that first, before anything else.

Magnus opened the creaking wooden door and looked inside, no Alec. Slowly he walked inside, making sure he didn’t make much noise. Luckily Jace wasn’t home and he didn’t have to face the pure evil man. He probably wasn’t pure evil, but he sure as hell seemed to not like Magnus with every fibre in his being. Something Magnus still couldn’t wrap his head around, who wouldn’t like him? That was madness, but everyone had their thing right? At least it didn’t intervene with Alec’s and his relationship. So, if Jace would stay quiet and civil, then Magnus would too. Jace wasn’t a bad guy, per se, but he didn’t know how to be a good guy either. After searching the area for a tall, dark and handsome guy, he wanted to give up and return to set. He should’ve texted Alec anyway. He almost turned around when he heard a soft mumble coming from inside Alec’s bedroom.

 

“Alec?” Magnus questioned. He listened carefully for another mutter, which he got.  Magnus strode over to Alec’s room and quietly opened the door.

“Darling…” Magnus said affectionately, while he was looking at Alec who was laying on his stomach on the bed. His face was smushed against his pillows and his legs were tangling a little off the bed. The guy seriously was a giraffe. His hair was adorably dishevelled and his cheeks were rosy. Magnus tried his best to not coo at the sight of this adorable tree, curled up on his bed.

“Tough day, honey?” Magnus teased.

Alec huffed some air out of his mouth, making sure Magnus knew he didn’t appreciate being teased. Magnus shook his head affectionately and sat down on the bed, stroking Alec’s back softly. Alec seemed to appreciate the gesture and smiled lazily while he hummed.

“What are you doing here?” he slurred a little, clearly still very tired.

“I wanted to see how you were doing,” Magnus took the time to brush a strand of hair out of Alec’s gorgeous face. He did it in a manner like way, as if this was just routine for them.

“I’m okay.”

“Should I go then, so you can get some sleep?” Magnus whispered peacefully.

“No…” Alec whined, like the clingy adult he was. He grabbed Magnus’ sleeve and pulled him down on the bed. Alec himself rolled over to look at the ceiling and Magnus couldn’t keep in the chuckle when Alec faced him. Half of Alec’s face was covered in some kind of pattern from laying on his pillows. Alec didn’t appreciate being laughed at and shoved Magnus lightly, at least it was supposed to be lightly. Magnus tumbled off the bed and was now glaring at Alec accusingly.

“Sorry?” he tried.

“You’re lucky you’re cute and that I’m a good friend,” Magnus grumbled as he was trying to climb back on the bed.

“That I am..” Alec sighed. “Why did you come, Magnus?”

“I already told you, to see if you were okay.”

Alec raised his eyebrows, god the man had such good eyebrows, and Magnus spilled.

“I wanted to talk to you about the whole situation… It’s been bugging me ever since and I thought that we could talk, if you want to, that is.”

“I don’t know…” Magnus was disappointed that Alec didn’t want to open up, but he couldn’t blame the guy. Magnus always wanted to keep things to himself as well, but that’s why he knew Alec needed to open up. Keeping things inside just made it so much worse.

“Would it help if I told you something about me first, about my past?” Magnus laid down again and stared at the ceiling, just like Alec.

“It could…”

“Okay, I’ll start then.” Magnus took a deep breath and calmed his nerves a little.

“I’ll tell you something I haven’t told many, okay?” Alec nodded. “This story isn’t going to be a happy one, so I’m warning you. I haven’t been able to tell this story in five years, because that time in my life is something I don’t want to look back at, ever. You still want to hear it?” Alec nodded again. “If you want me to stop, then please say so.”

 “When I was 19 years of age, I had my first ever boyfriend. His name was Jonah, he was a kind soul and would be so sweet to me before we started dating. He chased me a little until I finally agreed to go out with him. So, I did. And the first few months, were heaven. He was the absolute kindest and sweetest guy I knew.” Magnus eyes shimmered from the tears that he was trying to hold back, but he still continued. “But then a few months into the relationship,  he became possessive and abusive. It started with little arguments and being more possessive of me, he started claiming me for everything. It went so far that I wasn’t allowed to see my friends anymore, cause otherwise he got jealous. Whenever I would talk to anyone, boy or a girl, he got really jealous and… let’s just say he didn’t appreciate me doing nothing about it. He started hitting me whenever I did something ‘wrong’, first it was just one slap to the face. He always quickly mumbled out an apology that never felt sincere, he always said the same things. ‘I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry. I was just upset with you.’ The abuse increased over time and at one point he forced me to have sex with him….” Alec sucked in a breath and his stomach dropped when he listened to the words that were being spoken.

“I didn’t realize what was going on at first, he seemed to love me. He always said that, so it must be true right? Well now I know that it wasn’t, at all. You don’t treat the people you love that way. One day Jonah had hit me pretty hard on my arm, so hard that my entire upper arm turned purple. We were living together at the time, which didn't help my situation. I tried to hide the bruise with some makeup, but it seemed to only work for a little while. So, the next day Ragnor came over and I was only wearing a t-shirt. There was no reason for me to wear  long sleeves, since you couldn’t see anything. When Ragnor gave me a glass of water, he accidentally spilled it on me. I quickly ran to the bathroom, before Ragnor could see my makeup coming off of my arm. Ragnor of course knew that something was up. I had strategically locked the door, but he broke it down anyway. His eyes widened horrifically when he saw me violently rubbing my arm, to dry it off. He dragged me out of the bathroom and started packing all my stuff in a bag and some boxes. He grabbed my uninjured hand and dragged me out of Jonah’s apartment. We were silent the whole ride home… I didn’t know what he was thinking, was he disappointed in me? Was he mad? He finally said something and it wasn’t disappointment I could hear in his voice, it wasn’t anger, it was pain and fear. He started apologizing like crazy, I think he said it like a thousand times. I kept reassuring him that it wasn’t his fault and that I was fine, but he knew I wasn’t.” Alec let a tear slip out, when Magnus silently sobbed. He reached for Magnus’ hand and entwined their fingers. Giving him the support he needed.

“Ragnor convinced me to go to the police, but they didn’t take me seriously. Jonah was a friend of theirs and he would never do something like that. He wouldn’t hurt me like that! He wouldn’t, I got told over and over again. 'Jonah was nice, he was kind'. 'He wasn’t abusive, I must have done something wrong'. It probably was my own fault, they would say. I didn’t tell Ragnor about the comments, because I knew he would lose it.” Magnus sniffed and squeezed Alec’s hand. “I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing. People wouldn’t believe me anyway. I didn’t even know at the time that it was rape, I was in a relationship and that would mean sex, right? I thought it was one of the things you were supposed to do…. Like your partner had your consent, just by being in a relationship with you.” Magnus hesitantly looked at Alec, who had tears streaming all over his face. He reached over and wiped some of the tears away. “Oh, how wrong I was. Later on I realized that no was no. No questions asked. I wish I had realized what was happening, but looking back at that time, I don’t think I was strong enough to handle the fact that I had been raped by my so called boyfriend,” Magnus wiped away a tear that prickled in his eye.

“When Camille came in my life a few years later, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into again. Camille was a beautiful young woman, she seemed kind and exciting. I thought I was lucky to have her, she’d never let me forget that either. This relationship was different, she wasn’t hitting me or forcing me to sleep with her, so it couldn’t be abuse, I thought. But it was, it was emotional abuse, just as hurtful and dangerous. She manipulated and belittled me, to the point that I had no self-esteem left. But when I told people the truth about what happened when we broke up, I got the same response. 'Camille is so kind, she would never do something like that'. 'You probably just want attention'. You don’t know what these rumours could do to someone, some would say. I shouldn’t say these things when they weren’t true. But they were, all the things I said, were true. And nobody believed me… I only had Catarina, Ragnor and Raphael.”

They both stayed silent for a little while.

“I’m so sorry, Magnus.” Alec whispered like he was afraid to break Magnus even more if he spoke too loudly.

“It’s okay, Alexander. It was a long time ago, I’m doing fine right now. I am. I have you and all my other friends, who would be there for me in a heartbeat.”

“I’m still so so sorry that you had to deal with that. I’m so sorry,” Alec whispered against Magnus’ hand he had brought up to his lips, he softly pressed his lips against it. Magnus gave Alec a sad smile through the tears.

“The past hurts, but it is the past. It is over. It can’t hunt you anymore, not if you won’t let it.”

“Can I…” Alec gestured to come closer and Magnus gave him a curt nod. Alec slid closer to Magnus, until their shoulders touched.

“I’m so glad that you trusted me enough to tell that story. God, you’re so brave,” Alec breathed out.

“You are too,” Magnus looked at him with a kindness in his eyes.

“I never realized how terrible you were treated by some people. I'm so so sorry that happened to you Magnus.” Magnus just simply nodded.

“Do you want me to talk now?”

“Only if you want to, you don’t have to open up if it doesn’t feel right, Alexander. I did it, because I trust you and I wanted to tell you. You should do it for the same reasons.”

“Okay… I want to.”

“Then go ahead, I’ll stay quiet.” He smiled as Alec took a deep breath.

“Where should I start? I guess I should start with my parents. I’m the oldest in the family and that brought some kind of pressure. I had to do well in school, I had to work hard. Nothing but perfection was good enough, my parents told me to always do better. I had to be the best, I had to be the champion, they couldn’t let some other kid be the best. It had to be me. I remember one time, when my score wasn’t perfect or as my parents would say: 'I wasn’t perfect.' They told me that I wasn’t good enough, that I should do better, that I could never fail again.” Alec chuckled a little self-depreciatingly. “I was not good enough, I was never good enough, I would never be good enough. Time and time went on and they still wouldn’t say that I did a good job or that I should be proud of myself. Never. I was an 11 year old child, I needed reassurance, I needed praise. But they refused to give it, until Jace came along. The golden boy, people would say. It used to be just me and Isabelle, just the two of us. She and I would take care of each other, since my parents weren’t around much. When Jace came along I thought they would act the same way with him as they did with us. But they didn’t, they treated him with more love and respect, than we had ever. I wanted to hate Jace for the extra attention he got, but I couldn’t. He had had such a terrible childhood and was so scared, I couldn’t be mean to him. Over the years we actually grew quite close, the three of us and Jace fit right in to our little ‘pact’. I was still upset about his treatment, but I wasn’t upset with him, but with my parents. They were still monitoring mine and Isabelle’s moves and our behaviour, when they let Jace a little loose. It wasn’t fair.” Alec sighed as Magnus laid his head on Alec’s shoulder.

“Jace has been a great brother to me and Isabelle, he can come off as grumpy and arrogant. But if you get to know him, then you’ll see that he’s actually sweet. His heart is at the right place.” Magnus wanted to roll his eyes at that comment, but decided against it. “Jace and Isabelle were always the ones people looked at, people were jealous of, people wanted to be them. I wasn’t flamboyant or confident or an extravert, so I wasn’t noticed much. They were the beautiful ones, not me.  I was just geeky Alec, who didn’t say much, the guy who would never be good enough.”

“You know that your parents were wrong right? You are good enough, you are more than good enough,” Magnus stated.

“Thanks..” Alec replied a little down.

“I’m serious!” Magnus said stern and lifted his head up to look Alec in the eye.

“Okay..” they were both silent again for a little while.

“You are just as beautiful as Isabelle or Jace, maybe even more. You’re so sweet and kind and honest. I haven’t met many guys like you, Alexander. You’re a hidden treasure, darling. And I’m so happy to have found you,” Magnus admitted whole heartedly. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“When did you first have an attack?” Magnus asked. Alec knew that that question was coming and bugging Magnus for a long time.

“I was 18 when I began my first semester at college. When I got my acceptation letter, I was so happy and I thought that I would’ve made my parents proud, but they weren’t. At least they didn’t show it. They reminded me to keep the family honor up and work hard, that they weren’t expecting anything less than perfection, as always. College was harder than I thought it would be, I was doing so well but at the same time I was putting my health at risk. The stress was really getting to me and I beat myself up whenever I got a bad grade. Nothing short of perfection! That was what I had to be, perfect. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating and I wasn’t healthy. Isabelle noticed that something was going on in my second year. We had a long talk and she told me some harsh things that I should hear. She told me to ignore our parents and to do what I love. I didn’t take it so well and started yelling at her for not understanding, when all she did was trying to help. It went downhill since that day and I began to feel tense at all times, I went on with my life for about two months after my talk with Izzy. And one day in chilly October I just broke. I started trembling so badly, I started hyperventilating and was so dizzy. I felt so helpless. First I thought that it would fade, but when they occurred regularly I realized that I couldn’t go on with my life that way. I confessed to my mom, everything. She cried so hard, when I told her everything. It was never her intention to break me and to make me feel so unloved. I honestly thought I would never see my mom cry, but there she was. She wanted me to know that she was proud of me, even though she hadn't shown it to me. I wanted to stay mad at her, but seeing how upset she was made me realize the fact that she loved me. She was definitely too hard on me, but she regretted it the second I told her how I felt. That night we had a long and tough conversation, but we both needed it so much. She promised me to talk to my father the next day. Two months later, they were divorced and I had quit college. I went to the police academy and became really passionate about my job. By then I hadn’t had an attack since I left school and I never gave it another thought.”

“Wow,” Magnus sighed.

“Izzy knew about everything and now that I feel unlike myself again, she’s started to worry like crazy.”

“Understandable,” Magnus chimed in.

“I guess.. The attack was stress related then, I think it is stress related now. I don’t think it is that deep, but I will talk to someone. Okay?”

“Okay,” Magnus agreed. Alec might think that his situation wasn’t that deep, but after hearing his stories, Magnus wasn’t so sure. It made sense why Alec was the way he was.

“Is that all?” Magnus looked up at him with hopeful and kind eyes.

“No.”

“Is that all you want to talk about for now?”

“Yes,” Alec sighed at Magnus’ understanding. “You? Do you want to tell me anything else?”

“Maybe at a different time. Not now.” Alec nodded and closed his heavy eyes. Exhausted was an understatement for the way he felt at the moment. The warmth he felt on his shoulder was so comforting that he almost lulled to sleep.

“Alexander?” Magnus whispered, when he saw how late it was.

“Hm..” Alec breathed.

“Can I stay here, with you?” Magnus’ voice was soft and kind.

“Yes, please do.”

***

 

Magnus slowly blinked his eyes open, taking in his surroundings. He wasn’t in his own room, slowly and carefully the memories from the night before appeared. Magnus couldn’t help but smile at the warmth that he felt. The sun was shining through the yellow curtains and cast a beautiful golden glow over the room. He could hear birds chirping in the distance, so it must be still early. He looked at the clock that was neatly placed on the table close to the bed. It was only 6:30. Since it was still early, he took the time to look over Alec’s bedroom. Typically Alec to have a room this organized, no accessories, no unnecessary stuff. Just practical and useful items. Totally the opposite from Magnus, whose apartment was full of decorations. When Alec would feel better, he would have to take him shopping for more stuff, because this room was just depressing. Everything seemed so grey, aside from the yellow curtains. When he decided that he had scanned the room enough, he looked over to where Alec must lay. Magnus couldn’t stop the smile that crept on his face, once he took in Alec’s rosy cheeks and slightly opened lips. He was laying on his stomach and was curled up to the cushion. Alec let out slight puffs of air and Magnus felt himself wanting to kiss those pink lips, who were breathing so delicately. He didn’t, he wouldn’t. Alec was divine, Magnus decided that that was the best way to describe such beauty. It was almost unbelievable that Alec didn’t saw what he did. All Magnus could see was those beautiful hazel eyes that crinkled whenever he laughed or smiled. Those raven coloured locks that were so fluffy whenever Alec didn’t cut them, he had such nice and full hair. Those strong arms that could probably hold Magnus up with ease. He hadn’t seen it yet, but he was positive that Alec was hiding an almost rock solid body under his clothes. He noticed the slight scrunched up shirt, that let Magnus have a little peek at what Alec was sporting underneath. So, if anyone wanted Magnus to describe this wonderful man's appearance, one word would come up, divine. Magnus reached out to Alec and quietly brushed his fingertips over Alec’s arms. Alec probably felt the shiver and moved a little in his sleep, not yet waking up. Magnus looked at Alec for a few more seconds, before carefully leaving the room barefooted in need for some caffeine. He closed the creaking door behind him and walked over to the kitchen, looking around for a trace of Jace. Luckily, he didn’t see him and continued on his quest for some coffee.

He poured some in a mug he got from the cabinet, when he heard footsteps approaching.

 _Please be Alec, please be Alec, please be Alec_ , he repeated in his mind.

He wasn’t that lucky.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” Jace retorted.

“Didn’t hope to see you,” Magnus whispered to himself. “Well, here I am,” he said loudly enough for Jace to hear.

“I can see that.”

The silence was uncomfortable, though uncomfortable would still be an understatement.  

“Did you sleep here?” Jace asked.

“Yes.”

“With Alec?”

“Next to Alec.”

“Okay…. What is going on with you and my brother?”

“Nothing that concerns you. Why are you so interested anyway?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jace grumbled.

“I know you don’t like me, but I also know that you promised your brother to give me a chance. So are you?”

“I guess we’ll have to see,” Jace muttered, which caused Magnus to roll his eyes at him. 

"I'll say hi to Clary for you," Magnus smirked. 

Magnus grabbed his coffee and walked back to Alec’s room, before Jace could reply. Realising that Alec was probably still sleeping, Magnus gulped down his coffee and strutted over to the bathroom. He put the mug down on the sink and decided to take a shower.

When he was all clean and dry, he looked back at his watch. 7:15 it read, he had to get back to set in an hour. Magnus slipped inside Alec’s bedroom and grabbed his bag with his emergency make up. He just started doing his makeup in the bathroom when Alec peeked his head out of the door.

“Hi,” he said softly.

“Good morning, Alexander. Did you sleep well?” Magnus looked over to him and gave him a sweet smile.

“I did, thank you. Did you? I didn’t make you uncomfortable right?”

“You did no such thing. Your brother on the other hand…”

“What did he do?” Alec sighed.

“Nothing much, just being a little hostile. But I guess I get it, you are his brother and he just wants to protect you.”

“That doesn’t mean that he can be a dick to you, though.”

“He wasn’t, not that much. I promise.” Alec nodded and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt.

“Do you have to leave soon?” Alec asked with a spark of hopefulness present in his voice.

“In about an hour,” Magnus replied while putting on his foundation. Alec sighed disappointingly.  
“Okay…. Can I ask you something, Magnus?”

“Always, darling.”

“Why do you always wear makeup?” Alec asked curiously. “I mean.. I’m just curious, you don’t really need it.”

“What, you don’t like it?” Magnus teased him.

“No, of course I do! I do.” Alec defended himself.

“Relax, darling. I’m just teasing you.”

“I just meant that you look great right now, so why do you put so much effort into your appearance? It seems like a whole lot of unnecessary work.”

“Darling, makeup is a way of expressing myself. For me it’s an artistic choice and I love to do my makeup. I don’t see it like a burden, it’s relaxing to me.”

“So you don’t do it, because people expect you to?”

“No, I don’t. I want to look my best, but I’ve never let the public eye chose what I look like. And I’m most certain, this isn’t what they want me to look like,” Magnus huffed.

“I guess. I think you look great though,” Alec smiled.

“Thank you, darling.” Alec walked over to the bathtub and sat on the edge of it.

“Do you get a lot of comments about your look?”

“It depends, but yes I do get a lot of comments. Some are positive and praise me for wearing what I want and some are judgmental or negative and scold me for dressing the way I do. Either way I don’t really care, I feel comfortable in my own skin and if some film director doesn’t want to hire me because of the way I look then I didn’t even want to be in the film.”

“That happens?!” Alec exclaimed.

“Sometimes, yes. The acting business is all about representing yourself. That means that you get hired by the way you look, you act and how you handle the public. Some directors don’t like the fact that I’m a man that wears makeup, and some don’t like the fact that I’m Asian. It sucks, especially in the beginning, but now I’ll just let it pass. People will always have their own opinion and you can’t make everyone happy. So I decided to make only one person happy, myself.”

“Well, those directors can suck it. They clearly don’t know talent when they see it.”

“Aww, thank you.” Magnus wrapped up his makeup routine and crouched down next to Alec. “I hope you’re feeling a little better.”

“I am, thank you for everything. For just being there and listening to me and for trusting me with your story.”

“You know you don’t have to thank me,” Magnus looked at him sincere.

“I know, but I want to.” At that Magnus softly brushed a kiss on Alec’s cheek and stood up.

“Then I guess I have to thank you too, thank you for listening and for not judging me because of what I told you and thank you for opening up to me.”

“You’re welcome and if you ever need to talk..”

“I know,” Magnus quickly replied. They smiled sweetly at each other, until Magnus noticed the time.  
“I’m afraid I have to go. Don’t want to be late,” Magnus chuckled.

“Go, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, Alexander. Oh, and don’t forget to call Izzy.”

“Bye,” he said softly when Magnus closed the door and he was left alone in the bathroom. He got up to get his phone and to finally give Izzy the call she deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and if you liked it, please leave some kudos or a comment.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this update is a little later than usual, but I wasn't really sure as to where the story was going. I had to figure some stuff out and I had to scrap some scenes, that just didn't fit anymore with the storyline. You can see this chapter as some sort of filler chapter, not much happens, but I also couldn't leave it out. I'm still figuring out where I want the story to go from here, so the updates might take a bit longer. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter (I wasn't as thrilled about it as the last few) and thank you for reading.

When Magnus finally arrived on set, he was greeted by a busy Izzy talking on the phone. With Alec, he supposed. Magnus walked past her and waved at her so that she would notice him. Izzy signalled that she wanted him to stay so they could talk later, so he did. The conversation seemed intense if Izzy’s furrowed brow was any indication. She was obviously still worried.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Alec. I was so worried, please call me soon, okay?” Izzy nodded along with Alec’s answer and ended the phone call.

“Hi,” she greeted Magnus.

“Hello, my dear.” They started walking towards their trailers, side by side, neither said a word. Izzy was probably still a little overwhelmed with her conversation with Alec. Although Magnus didn’t know what Alec told her. Maybe he spilled it all, but knowing Alec he must’ve hidden some things. Some things he did trust Magnus to know, but no one else. It made Magnus feel special and trusted, Alec opened up to him in so many ways and in return he felt like he could open up too. It had been so great to finally share this piece of him that no one knew off, only a small group of people and Magnus was grateful that Alec was now one of them. Alec was one of a kind, he had something about him that just lured Magnus in. He didn’t know if it was his kind appearance or sweet character that made him feel safe and heard. But one thing he knew, was that Alec was like no one else.

“Thank you,” Izzy said all of the sudden, breaking Magnus’ train of thought.

“For what?” Magnus asked confused.

“For being there for him and breaking down his walls,” she chuckled softly at the thought of her brother finally opening up to someone that wasn’t family.

“I just listened to him, no big deal.” Magnus smiled at the thought of Alec opening up to him. His thoughts lately were all about one person he realized, Alec. But he didn’t seem to care, as long as it brought that quirky smile back on his face. Izzy pulled Magnus once again out of his mind.

“It actually is a big deal, at least to him. Magnus, Alec doesn’t trust people easily or opens up to just anyone, I think you’re winning him over.” She smiled and poked his side teasingly. He knew since the moment they started hanging out that Alec was a little repressed and didn’t trust that easily, even though he did seem intent to have Magnus’ trust. It was actually an honour to have that guy’s trust and Magnus was glad he got it.

“Then I’m glad he put his faith in me, I promise I won’t let him down.”

“Good, cause otherwise, I will hunt you down and kick your ass,” she joked, but Magnus knew she could if she wanted to.

“Oh, I’m sure you will,” Magnus responded seriously.

“He didn’t tell me what was going on, you know.” She said a little out of the blue.

“Not?” he asked confused.

“No, he said you talked and that there might me something going on, but he didn’t know what yet. So, he wanted to wait and tell me later when he knew more. He did say he was okay though and that he had you. He felt like you understood him and wanted to be there for him. Though, he knows I want that too. He felt like it would be better to discuss these things with people that weren’t his siblings. Which I understand, it’s still difficult for me to, but I do. I guess I’ll just have to wait.” Izzy sighed a little defeatedly, but Magnus quickly wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“I won’t tell what we discussed since I know that Alec doesn’t want that, but I can tell you that he’s going to be okay, you have my word.”

Izzy took a deep breath and the smile appeared back on her face. “Well, that’s good. I’m glad, he talks to you about it, I know he can be so stubborn and not let anybody in, and I’m happy he’s let you in. But I guess it still stings a little that he doesn’t want to talk to me about it, he always does…”

“Iz, I know you’re very worried and concerned about Alec, but Alec probably wants to talk about it once he’s sure that he is not fine, he doesn’t want to worry you even more.”

“I know… he’s a good brother.”

“He is, now what do you say about practising some lines for the scene.”

Izzy held her head up high and sighed: “Yeah, let’s do that.”  
“Oh, and btw, did E!news contact you too for an interview?”

“Oh that’s right, yeah… I uh… didn’t know if I should do one,” he admitted.

“Why not?” Izzy questioned. “It’s good promotion for the show.”

“I know that, but I don’t have the fondest memories with them…”

“Oh.. okay… Maybe we could do an interview together, so they won’t target you alone.”

Magnus seemed to think about it. “I actually would really love that.”

“Fine, then that’s settled.”

 

***

 

“I don’t know the date that The downworld comes out, yet. But I do know it is somewhere around June. So keep a look out and as soon as I know, you’ll know too.” Magnus said to his fans in a livestream. Once in a while he had to do those, to keep his fans up to date. And he actually enjoyed them.

“’Has it been fun working on set with everyone?’ Yes, definitely. It has been a blast, everyone is so nice and kind. They all work super hard, the cast, the crew, the writers, the directors. It’s been such a pleasure to work here, to many more years I hope. But, yeah, everyone has been great. Isabelle and I get along so well and I love all my other co-stars. I also have some friends working here, which is always nice. Simon Lewis is on the writer’s team and my darling Clary Fray is doing my amazing makeup and hair. You should check out her Instagram, she does some amazing work. Makeup as well as art.”

He was busy answering the questions that were asked, when he heard a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Magnus replied, thinking it would’ve been Isabelle.

“Hi, Magnus.” Alec came in with two cups of coffee, one for him and one for Magnus.

“Alec, what a surprise!” As soon as Alec saw Magnus doing a livestream his eyes widened.

“Oh shit, am I interrupting?” he whispered to Magnus.

“No, darling. I’m just finishing up.” He turned towards Alec and mouthed. ‘Do you mind if I show you on the livestream?’ Alec nodded his head, he wasn’t completely comfortable by the idea of being seen by others right now.

“Okay, everybody.” Magnus dragged the camera further to the side, so that no one could see Alec anymore.  “Does someone have a good question I could answer?”

Magnus turned to Alec again: “I was just talking about some of the show stuff to my fans”

“Great, I’m looking forward to watching it with Izzy,” Alec whispered.

After scanning the comments, he didn’t see a good question anymore and decided that the livestream was done, after all he had been chatting for over twenty minutes already.

 “For now I think I’ve said enough, so see you next time, my darlings. I’m going back to work after I have my coffee that my dear friend brought me, so I’ll see you soon.” Magnus winked at the camera and ended the livestream.

“Sorry for interrupting,” Alec said guiltily.

“Nonsense, you weren’t at all, I was almost done anyway. And besides I like it when you’re here,” Magnus smiled at him, and in return made Alec blush. “But if you don’t mind me asking, what is the reason for this wonderful surprise?”

“Um.. We talked about the therapists, remember?”

“Obviously.”

“I uh.. kinda had my first session today and I just wanted to come here for a bit, if that’s alright?”

“That is more than okay. You know I love having you here. Why didn’t you tell me about the session?”

“I don’t know, I wanted to try it out first. I guess…. I already felt so nervous and I didn’t want that to be worse and I was afraid it would be if I told. I thought if you didn’t know, it would be like a practise session and maybe I would feel less anxious about it.”

“I understand. How did it go?” Magnus asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. “If you don’t want to talk about it I would understand that too.”

“It was okay…. We talked for about an hour long and we discussed some things. She explained to me what a panic attack is, in my case it is caused by too much stress and she told me about the effects of hyperventilation. That it can feel like you’ve ran a marathon after you had an attack and that your body is just really tired. Which I completely agree with. We talked about my situation and how it could affect my mental health. Over all it was just nice to finally talk with someone who knows what I’m going through and who can understand what I’m saying.” Magnus looked a little sad when Alec said that. Alec noticed and grabbed his hand tightly.

“Don’t feel bad. If you’ve never had it you can’t understand what I’m going through and that is completely fine. You being there for me is more than good enough.”

“It’s not that I don’t understand what you’re going through, I’ve had some stress related problems as well. And even I have had the occasional panic attack, I’m just upset that you have to go through that on a regular basis,” Magnus admitted and looked in Alec’s eyes.

“Oh, I’m getting used to it. Which sounds bad, but at least I know what to do and how to react. I know the symptoms and I know when it’s going to happen.”

“Did she give you any tips or something?”

“Yeah she gave me some breathing tips to calm me down and she thought it would be a good idea if I talked to Luke about my workload, just to even out my stress levels, which are extremely high at the moment.”

“Well, that is a good idea, right?” Magnus asked.

“Yeah, I think it would be better for me if I slowed down a little with work. Even though I don’t really want to.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through all this, it sucks,” Magnus said all too cute.

“It does, but at least I’m going forward,” Alec sat down on Magnus’ couch and pulled Magnus with him.

“That is true, did she already tell you what he thinks it is? A burn out or something different?”

“She didn’t, it was just a first session, I have another one next week. I hope I know more then. She wants to talk to me about my personality and my character traits, to find out if it comes from within. I also want to talk with her about some stuff from a few years ago, just to make sure she has all the information.”

“I hope you get the answers you’re looking for and can get help. Or that it’s going to work and you’re going to feel like yourself again.” Magnus gave him an encouraging smile, but he had still a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“Would you like to go for a little walk? We can talk more there, you know clear the mind.”

“Sure, where ever you want.” Alec chuckled when Magnus got all excited and pulled him up from the couch. 

“Believe me, darling. I’ve been cooked up here all day and could use some vitamin D,” Magnus winked at the last comment, but it seemed to completely fly over Alec’s head, until he processed it a few moments later. “Oh my god, Magnus. You are shameless.”

“Only for you, darling.”

“You are such a flirt.”

 

***

“So, what do you want to do?” Alec asked him when they left set.

“Go on a walk, duh!” Magnus rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide his affectionate smile.

“Yeah, I get that, but where do you want to take a walk. The park? The city?”

“I haven’t figured it out yet, actually.” Magnus said deeply in thought as to where they should go. “Oh!! Oeh oeh!! We could go to this park that has a lovely coffee restaurant.”

“Yeah, but coffee? It’s a little too warm for a hot drink.”

“There is a concept going around for a few years, I don’t know if you’ve heard of this, but it’s a little icy drink called _Iced coffee_ ,” Magnus teased sarcastically.

“Too sweet, I only like black coffee.”

Magnus gaped at him dramatically and put his hand over his heart. “Oh my god, Alexander. You traitor!! If I had known this we wouldn’t have been friends, you tricked me in believing you would be an Iced coffee type.”

“You honestly thought I would?”

“I don’t know, we haven’t know each other for _that_ long. I at least thought you would be a guy who would try one for me…” Magnus whined and ended with a pout.

“Never, it would be like putting poison in my body. All that sugar..” Alec huffed.

“Liar! You eat lots of unhealthy foods, admit it.”

“Yeah, but at least I would enjoy that,” Alec bit back teasingly.

“You know what?”

“What?” Alec quickly asked before Magnus could go on, which earned him a glare from Magnus.

“Friendship over!” Magnus turned his body away from Alec and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Magnus, come on….” Alec whined and turned around to see Magnus not spearing a glance at him.

“No, I can’t be friends with someone who wouldn’t even try something for me. Even though he knows how important it is for me.” Magnus seemed to be quite skilled at puppy dog eyes, since Alec wanted to give Magnus the entire world if he would just look at him like that. So he gave in.

“Fine…..” Alec whined again. “But if I don’t like it, you owe me.”

Magnus’ mood seemed to disappear and he grinned at the taller man. He grabbed Alec’s hand and started pulling him towards the park.

“Trust me, you’re going to love it,” Magnus beamed at him as they walked to the place, hand in hand. And weirdly it didn’t make Alec feel weird, just a little tingly for having Magnus’ hand in his.

 

“And… what do you think?” Magnus asked hopefully.

“It’s… uh… it’s okay. It’s fine, I like it,” Alec said eventually. Honestly it wasn’t his thing and he would rather throw the thing away, but looking at Magnus’ hopeful expression, he just couldn’t do it. The moment Magnus’ face lit up when Alec said he liked it, he knew that he did the right thing. Because seeing Magnus smile was the best thing in the world.

“See, I told you you would like it.” Magnus beamed.  
“Guess, you were right.” Alec looked over at the water in front of the bench they were sitting on. It was such a beautiful afternoon and he felt relaxed just by breathing in the air or watching the water move. This felt like peace, like bliss. Sitting together with Magnus, unfortunately drinking something he rather wouldn’t, but just standing still for a while. Not moving so fast like he’s used to.

“No fans this time?” Alec mocked, but was really relieved that they weren’t disturbed this time, at least not yet.

“Nope, luckily not. I love my fans, but sometimes they’re a hand full.”

“Yeah, I guess you can put it that way.” Magnus shook his head softly at Alec’s remark.

“Why do you actually have such a bad experience with them? They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“Uh..” Alec stammered. “No point in hiding this anymore.. uh.… it’s just that they said some things.”

“What kind of things?”

“Not worth repeating, let’s just say it wasn’t a really good ego booster.”

“Oh Alexander, I’m so sorry. I didn’t notice them being mean towards you, otherwise I would’ve said something.”

“It’s fine, Magnus. I’m okay.”

“You sure? Tell me if you’re not please.”

“I’m great, I’m here with you on this peaceful summer day.” Magnus smiled at his comment and carefully intertwined their fingers. It felt comforting and familiar to be holding hands like that, even though it was probably too hot to hold hands.

“When are you going to talk to Luke about work?” Magnus asked curious, letting Alec’s hand go as he began twirling with the straw of his drink. He decided it was probably best to just move on with the conversation, since Alec clearly felt a little uncomfortable talking about Magnus’ fans.

“I don’t know.. Soon, I think. I’m a little nervous about it, I don’t like talking about my problems as you’ve noticed I assume.”

“Kind of got that yeah,” Magnus chuckled. “but you do with me.”

“I do, I’m glad I did.”

“Me too,” Magnus sighed happily. “I heard you called Izzy.”

“Yeah, I did. I didn’t give her many details since she always blows things out of proportion and I didn’t want her to worry.”

“She did, though. I was with her.”

“I didn’t say anything, because I want to make sure that there is something going on and not that it would be nothing. But now I know that there is something going on, I should talk to her, right?”

“You should decide that yourself, Alexander. If you want to talk to her, then great, but don’t feel pressured to tell her.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you want to tell me some more about your appointment?”

“There is not much left to tell, I think. We talked about the issue and she explained a lot to me. I feel like it has helped me ease a bit, already, since I feel like there isn’t a heavy weight lying on my shoulders anymore. I finally admitted that I was not okay, and just talking about it with someone that knows what I’m feeling, just feels elevating.”

“I’m very happy that you feel that way, Alec. Before I forget to ask again, how did your conversation with Claire go?”

“It went okay, we talked a bit about the issue and the status of the investigation. Unfortunately I couldn’t give her good news, since there isn’t any, but she was grateful for my help.” Magnus nodded and Alec continued. “She told me that she was surprised that I cared so much and I was happy to hear that, but she also said that I should take care of myself as well. Her friends were really helpful as well as her girlfriend, but she still seemed so distant, so broken, it really hurts to think about it. It felt like that whole situation just killed her spirit.”

“That can happen, you know. After Jonah, I’ve had some time that I was very depressed and anxious, but Ragnor helped me through it and was always there for me. What I’m trying to say, is that having your friends support you is really important, they can help you through some of the hardest times. So, don’t underestimate friendship, it can be the only thing that makes sure you don’t feel isolated or alone.”

“This Ragnor must be a good friend,” Alec grinned.

“He is, if he wants to be. Ragnor and I have a strange relationship, we tease each other so much, but we’ll always be there for one another. I think that is what makes our relationship strong, even though he joke and tease we can still be very serious. I think you’ll like him.”

“I think I will too, is he less scary than Catarina?” Alec asked, which made Magnus chuckle.

“Catarina is not scary… she’s protective, I know she can turn into a Mama bear, but she means well. Lately, I believe that she starts to warm up to you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. She’s gonna love you, as much as I do,” Magnus winked.

“That’s enough about me,” Alec said a little uncomfortable and wanted to move the conversation along. “How are you doing? How is filming going and when will you be finished?”

“Well, we’ve been filming for over two months now and it’s been great. We’re still working through some things and discovering more about the story that we want to tell, but it’s been such a blast. I think we’ll wrap the first season up in about two weeks or so, which is exciting, but we don’t know what will happen next, so… I’m just hoping that the fans love the show as much as I do.”

“Well let’s toast to a successful series and hope that people will love it just as much as you do,” Alec joked and held his coffee cup out to Magnus, Magnus met him halfway and smiled.

“Yes, let’s hope that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it please leave a kudo, or some comments. Love to hear some constructive critisism as well.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!! more stuff about Magnus and Alec and some sibling bonding going on. It isn't a really eventful chapter, but I still hope you'd like it.

A day or two later they went to have some lunch at a pretty excluded place, they seemed to see each other as much as possible, which was every day at the moment. But neither minded.

They were both pretty okay with how things were, but the lingering feelings hadn’t left.

 “Why do you always know these places? They are obviously a little off the radar.” Alec questioned Magnus, when he found yet another empty restaurant.

“Darling, if you’re a celebrity that wants a normal life, you have to know these places. Sometimes I still get caught by someone, but it’s usually mild. And believe it or not some people don’t know who I am,” Magnus teased. Alec looked up from his plate and threw Magnus a glare.

“You can’t blame me, at least I knew you by name. Not that it mattered since you didn’t give me one,” Alec sassed back, which made Magnus open his mouth in surprise.

“Eat with you mouth closed, honey,” Alec retorted jokingly.

“Where did all this sass come from, Mr. Lightwood?” Magnus chuckled.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just starting to unwind with you, Mr. Bane,” Alec said all too real, Magnus silently swooned at Alec’s response.

“Aww, you’re a sap, darling.”

“Only for you,” Alec said sarcastically and Magnus threw a napkin his way. If anyone else would’ve heard that conversation they would’ve probably thought they had been dating for at least a year.

“So, I heard that you and Izzy are doing an interview with E!news?” Alec asked out of curiosity.

“Uh.. yeah, I think so,” Magnus stammered a little.

“What’s wrong? You don’t want to do it?” Alec’s brows furrowed a little, clearly indicating that he was a little worried about Magnus’ response, not knowing why Magnus wasn’t enthusiastic.

“No… I do, I mean. I’m excited to talk about the show and to explain things to our audience..”

“But…”

“But I’ve had a complicated relationship with E!news in general.”

“Oh,” Alec was taken back by his answer. He wanted to ask and find out more, but at the same time he didn’t want to pry. Luckily he didn’t have to, since Magnus began explaining.

“They’ve had some articles and ‘news’ segments about me, that weren’t what you would call true. A few years back, they captured my every move. I was working on this movie with some lovely people and they just posted everything they heard about me. They thought I had a girlfriend at one point and two months later I apparently cheated on her with some other girl and then there was another problem… blah blah blah.”

“Oh wow.”

“Yeah… I’ve told them off about it and that didn’t turn out great either, but you know how that goes. I don’t want to bore you with my problems.”

“You could never bore me, Magnus,” Alec smiled reassuringly.

“But I’m still taking the interview,”  Magnus sighed and got a confused look from Alec in return. “Your sister is really looking forward to it and I don’t want to disappoint her. It will be fine.. I think,” Magnus explained.

“Yeah, of course.”

Their conversation was interrupted by Magnus’ ringtone going off. He looked at the screen and saw that Catarina was calling him.

“One second, darling.”

Alec nodded at him and continued his lunch as Magnus stepped away from the table and took the call. After a while Magnus returned with a worried face.

“What’s up?” Alec asked concerned with his eyebrows furrowed.

“Fuck!” Magnus cursed, Alec quickly widened his eyes.

“Magnus, what’s wrong?” he asked again.

“Okay, first of all, I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect them to react this way, of course I should’ve known. They want to know everything, and they see everything. I’m so sorry Alec that I dragged you into this, It wasn’t my intention. Really. I’m so so sorry, please forgive me?” Magnus rambled on an on.

“Would you stop?” Alec managed to finally silence him. “What is going on?”

“This!” Magnus showed him his Twitter that was filled with pictures of Alec going around. People asking questions about them, about him. About who he was, apparently some guy had commented that it was this guy he went to school with, named Alec and people were going crazy. They even made the hashtag #whoisalec go viral.

“Wow, Oh my god. What the hell?” Alec questioned.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize that this picture was taken. I’m so stupid,” Magnus blamed himself. The photo was of them sitting together on a bench drinking their iced coffees, Magnus hadn’t seen any paparazzi that day, so it couldn’t have been them. It must have been a bystander who took that photo and posted it. If Alec wasn’t so upset about it, he would’ve thought the picture looked cute.

“You are not stupid, Magnus. You couldn’t do anything about it, right? You don’t have to apologize, it’s fine. I don’t get why they are obsessed with me, though.”

“Probably because of your pretty face,” Magnus flirted, to try and lighten up the situation. “Here, they even are speculating about our relationship.” He showed the phone to Alec again. There were tweets about them together, about their supposed secret relationship, about Camille, about how long they would’ve been dating. Some made up the excuse that Magnus was dating Isabelle and he just wanted to get to know his brother in law. But the most comments were about their hidden relationship. Even the hashtag #Malec appeared once in a while.

“What is all this? Why do they think we’re in a relationship? Do they have nothing better to do than this?” Alec asked a little too defensively and Magnus winced at his question. It wasn’t that Alec was offended by the questions, it was just that he still hadn’t figured out yet what they were. Or were going to be, so an outsider shouldn’t talk about it either. “I can’t believe they think we’re in a relationship,” Alec said before he realized it, he didn’t mean to say it so harshly. Magnus looked like he was about to cry and sighed. Way to go Alec, he thought to himself.

“Ouch,” Magnus murmured under his breath.

“That’s not what I meant, Magnus. It’s just that I don’t like people asking things they shouldn’t.”

“Got it,” Magnus replied with a monotone voice.

“I’ll put the rumours down, this instant. Nothing to worry about,” Alec could hear the hurt in his voice and wanted to slap himself. When Magnus was done typing he showed his phone to Alec.

“Here: _I know you all are speculating about the relationship I have with Alec, but it is purely friendship. Alec has become one of my best and greatest friends. Love you guys xx”_

Friendship, went through Alec’s head. Purely friendship. Guess he could’ve seen that one coming after he was so harsh to Magnus, even though they were anything but platonic. Alec sighed heavily and just nodded. “Fine,” he mumbled and turned back to his food.

“Don’t worry though, my fans have shipped me with so many others. They have this whole conspiracy about me and Izzy dating, too. It usually is quite funny, but I know that you’re uncomfortable with this kind of attention, so I’m sorry.” Alec, who had physically winced at the thought of Magnus and his sister together, nodded again. “You don’t have to apologize.” They both finished their meals in silent. There was this tension in the air, and no, it wasn’t sexual tension. Okay, maybe there was a little.

 

***

 

Alec scrolls through some comments… Mean ones, good ones, caring ones, and hurtful ones. Luckily, some account named BaneNews said really sweet and great things, but Alec couldn’t keep his mind from repeating the bad ones, the ones that were hurtful. There was this one girl that kept saying terrible things and Alec couldn’t understand why, she didn’t even know him… When Alec was looking at yet another awful tweet, his phone started to buzz in his hand. Magnus.

He stared at the fifth message Magnus had send him that morning. He didn’t know if he should reply, he was feeling so nauseous. He knew he shouldn’t treat Magnus that way, he couldn’t do anything about it either. But somehow when Alec thought about texting Magnus after the whole thing, he got this nauseating and anxious feeling in his stomach. Like its turning and turning. He couldn’t concentrate and kept postponing all of his duties, he hadn’t talked to Luke yet since he needed to focus on something that wasn’t Magnus, and work seemed like the perfect distraction. It didn’t really work, because he was at work, but all he was doing was staring at his phone. As if he was waiting for something to happen. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to Magnus, that’s all that he wanted to do, but the last few days had been so overwhelming. Every time he logged in to twitter he found new tweets about him, them asking questions about him, subtweeting him. Why do they care? He coudn’t shake the feeling that he was being watched and that people were going to judge him. For who he was, for what he did and for what he meant to Magnus. Did he mean anything to Magnus? Magnus meant a lot to him.. And he wouldn’t want Magnus to ignore him, so maybe he should text him back. Alec’s finger hovered over the contact name, but couldn’t touch it. This anxious feeling was returning and Alec just couldn’t do it. Why did he all the sudden feel anxious?

“Hi kiddo,” Luke approached him.

“Hey, I was just…”

“You don’t have to explain to me, kid. Can I sit here?” Luke gestured to the seat across from Alec.

“Sure, sure.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something, that’s been bugging me for quite some time.”

“What is it?” Alec asked curiously.

“I had a talk with Maia the other day and she said something to me, that I should’ve noticed a long time ago.” Alec didn’t say anything and was waiting for his superior to continue. “Alec, I know you work hard. I know you care so much about justice and your job, but it’s getting too much.”

“Wha.. what do you mean?” he stammered, too afraid that he was going to get fired.

“I want you to take some time for yourself.”

“Why? I’ve already been working less, I’m doing fine.”

“But you’re not and that’s okay. You’re still working too much and too hard, you refuse to go home like 80% of the time. I care about you, Alec. I don’t want to see one of the best detectives go mad, because he’s overworked. I’m so sorry for not noticing earlier, but Alec you need to take some real time off.”

“But.. What am I supposed to do? I can’t just stop in the middle of an investigation. I won’t.”

“This isn’t just a friendly conversation, Alec. I’m ordering you to take some time off.”

“No, please. Please, please, sir. I can’t, not right now. I feel like I almost have him. Don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry, but I care too much about you to let this go on any longer. Maia can take over and you’ll take time for yourself.”

“You can’t do this to me, Captain Garroway, please. I’m begging you, let me stay on the case.”

Luke sighed heavily and thought things through.

“How about this, you take some time off, but the minute we have news on the case we’ll call you. What do you think?”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay, then it’s settled.”

“Thank you, sir.” Alec sounded relieved.

Luke stepped away from the table, but turned around. “And Alec, please take care of yourself.”

“Yes, sir.” Okay, Alec thought. Well, he was not getting fired at least, but time off? Alec didn’t want time off, but maybe it would be the best thing to do, actually he knew it would be the best thing to do anyway. Alec grabbed some of his stuff, said goodbye to Maia and called Izzy.

 

“Hey, Iz. Can you meet me at my apartment? There has been some changes.”

 

***

 

It was time to tell them, even though he didn’t want to. Why was this so hard? He told Izzy everything ever since they were little kids. He even shared some of his darkest secrets with Jace. Then why did it feel like such a big step to tell them? He already told Magnus, Maia probably knew, he talked to a psychiatrist, so why did it feel so real this time? Like he was hiding this massive secret, which he wasn’t. Izzy probably knew already that something was going on, just not what. And Jace? Jace was always a little ditzy and didn’t really catch on. Okay, he was going to do it, he was going to tell them. Alec opened the door to his apartment and saw Jace and Izzy sitting five feet apart from each other, not saying a word. Izzy was still upset with the way Jace had acted. She felt like Jace thought about her that way too, even though she knew he didn’t. They were just having a bit of a fallout, Alec guessed.

“Okay, guys. I have something  to say,” Alec breathed out.

Izzy immediately turned around, with a concerned look on her face and Jace sat up on the couch.

“This is quite difficult for me to say and I probably should’ve spoken to you about this earlier..”

“What is going on, Alec?” Jace asked.

“Are you okay?” Izzy looked a little worried.

“I’m okay, I think.” Alec hesitated, but took a deep breath and spilled it. “I’ve been having trouble lately as you both know. With work and everything else and a few weeks ago I had a mental breakdown and came to the realisation that something should be done. Well, actually Magnus came to the realisation.”

“Oh,” Jace murmured honestly concerned.

“I’ve met with a psychiatrist and she thinks I should have more sessions with her, to figure out if something is actually going on with me. I don’t really know what it is right now, I just know that I haven’t felt myself in a long time. I’ve been burying myself in work and not engaging with a lot of people lately. I’ve been too scared to admit it, but I need help.”

“Oh, Alec.” Izzy gasped.

“And I’m getting it. I couldn’t really admit to myself that I wasn’t doing well, I actually hadn’t admitted it till this afternoon.”

Jace and Izzy were both silent.

“Luke has ordered me some time off, I still get to be involved in Claire’s case, but I have to take a few weeks off.”

“Oh really?” Jace sighed.

“Yeah, I don’t want to but even he noticed I wasn’t doing well. I have another appointment next week and I hope I’ll get more information then.”

“I’m so sorry, Alec.” Izzy came over to him and hugged him. Jace also stood up from his seat and circled his arms around him as well.

“Guys, you’re going to make me cry..” Alec sighed. Izzy gave Jace a kind look, “We’re here for you, Alec. Always.”

“Yeah, we’re a team. We may have our disagreements sometimes, but we’re always here,” Jace said sincerely. 

They stayed like that for a while, just hugging, talking and whispering apologies.

 

When all things calmed down a little Izzy walked over to the kitchen and gestured for Alec to follow her. Once Alec had reached the kitchen, Izzy jumped up and seated herself on the counter. She glared at Alec as if she knew every little detail or thought that he was thinking of.  It actually scared Alec how well Izzy could read him.

“Spill,” she demanded all of the sudden.

“What? I thought I just did,” Alec said confused, not sure as to what she was referring to. Izzy rolled her eyes at Alec’s answer.

“Don’t play dumb with me Alec. I know that something is bothering you, besides what you just told me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad that you got that out and finally told me, but I know it’s not all. So please tell me what else is bothering you.”

Alec sighed at his sister’s speech and thought about it, what was bothering him? Of course he knew, but should he tell her. It was more of a personal issue and had nothing to do with Izzy, but wouldn’t it feel good once he told her? Maybe.. It had been on his mind a lot these last few days, so maybe he should just tell someone. And why not Izzy? She would probably understand or at least try to.

“Uh… It’s something to do with Magnus, again,” Alec let his head down.

“Okay.. so what has been going on? Is this about the statement he made about you two?” she asked.

“You know about that?” Alec exclaimed.

“Yes, I follow him on Twitter, of course I do. But I only know that he tweeted that, nothing more. I honestly didn’t understand why.”

“Magnus and I were going for a drink a few days ago and someone took a photo of us and posted it online.” Izzy’s eyes widened and she quickly looked at him apologetically. “Yeah.. So it was posted online and people were going crazy about it, suggesting that we had a secret relationship or that we were just friends. People wanted to know who I was and why I was hanging out with Magnus.” Izzy still followed the conversation and nodded along, so Alec continued. “They all  made up hashtags like #whoisalec, and #malec, because apparently someone from school commented that it was me, the douchebag. I started freaking out, and said some harsh things to Magnus,” Alec rambled, Izzy gave him an ‘Are you kidding me’ look. “I know, okay. I know. I should’ve handled it way better, but I couldn’t. I started feeling anxious and didn’t think about Magnus’ feelings. He got a little grumpy and decided to tweet the whole ‘just friendship’ thing, even though we both know it’s not just friendship anymore. We let it be, but I was still upset about it all. I, not my best decision, started scrolling through some of the comments…”

“Alec..”

“You don’t have to scold me, it was a bad decision. Some were nice, but some were just blatantly hating on me, without even knowing me at all!” Alec exclaimed.

“What do you always tell me, whenever I get hate?” Izzy raised an eyebrow.

“To not let someone ruin your day, just because they want to spread hate…”

“Please take your own advice.”

“I guess so.” Alec still looked a little defeated.

“Look, I get it. Of course I get it, those comments can be hurtful and upsetting, but that doesn’t mean we should let them bring us down. And as for Magnus, I think it’s time for you to admit how you feel. To yourself and to Magnus.”

“I know… but I don’t know how, what if I blew it? What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if he doesn’t return my feelings? What if I'll hurt him like everyone else did? I don’t want that.”

“Alec, you don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I know for sure that you would never deliberately hurt Magnus. Magnus cares so much for you, Alec. There is no way that he doesn’t feel the same way that you do.”

“I don’t know if it’s the right time to tell him, things have just been going so well between us. I feel a lot more comfortable around him, we shared our thoughts and our pasts, I don’t want to mess that up.” Izzy reached out for him and Alec gladly let her pull him in for a hug.

“It’s going to be fine, brother,” she whispered in his ears.

“I just don’t think I’m ready to admit it.”

“That’s fine too, don’t feel pressured.”

 “Hey Alec, are you coming back or what? I’m waiting to beat your ass at this game!” they heard Jace call from the living room. Alec chuckled a little and let Izzy go, she smiled at him as he walked back.

 

That night Alec decided to text Magnus.

**Alexander**

_Hi, sorry you didn’t hear from me much, but I just need a little time for myself. Is that okay?”_

23:13

**Magnus**

_More than okay, please be safe. Good night <3_

23:15

 

**Alexander**

_I will. Good night x_

23:16

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it please leave a comment or a kudo, they are really appreciated :) You can also comment some constructive criticism.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!! Sorry that this is really late, but I've been quite busy these past weeks with work. I've had literal 40-hour work weeks and I didn't have much time to write and since this chapter still had to be written as a whole it took me quite a while. First off I want to thank the lovely people who commented and kudo'd again, since that is what really keeps me going. Just people liking my work, even though I am sometimes very insecure about it. Take this story for example, I've had this idea in my head for so long and it turned out so different than what I expected it to be. I love some of the chapters I've created, but I do feel like I've lost my vision for this story a little bit. The least I want to have is a boring story, so I'm hoping that isn't the case. In this chapter we'll learn more about Alec and Magnus (like every other chapter, smh) I just really want to explore their relationship as much as I can. I really hope I'm writing meaningful chapters, as opposed to fake and unrealistic chapters. Cause I do feel like the topics I want to bring up are very important to me and to so many others. So please tell me if anything I write (chapter or line) is superficial, because that is the least I want it to be. Long sidenote, but I hope you'll enjoy this chaper xx

Alec was standing in front of Magnus’ apartment and he was incredibly nervous. Like stomach churning, sweating, toes curling and throwing up, nervous. They hadn’t talked to each other for 8 days, and it felt like an eternity. After the whole #Malec thing, Alec wanted a little distance to think, and besides, things were really awkward and off between them. Alec didn’t feel really comfortable after the text he send Magnus to further engage in a conversation. He knew he was being unreasonable. After everything Magnus had done, he deserved more than that, but he couldn’t bring himself to even start a conversation again. Magnus texted him here and there, but Alec almost never responded or he send something short back. Magnus deserved more, he concluded, he deserved to be acknowledged to be trusted and so on. And he was, Alec trusted Magnus, but he didn’t want Magnus to think he was overexaggerating or that he was just being dramatic. Those gnawing thoughts, just wouldn’t leave his mind, he had to be realistic. He was talking or rather thinking about Magnus Bane. The same person that made him feel safe and secure, that made him feel unique, but yet at the same time normal. Like there was nothing wrong with him, even though he thought there was. That was all that really mattered though, how Magnus made him feel. Not the public eye, not their friends who were involved, just Magnus. By this time Alec had finally realized how deep he had fallen for him, finally able to admit to himself how he felt. It wasn’t undeniable anymore, every thought, every desire seemed to be about Magnus. What he would be doing during the day, his laugh, his crinkling eyes that shone every time Alec made a comment that was a little funny.  He never seemed to get why Magnus would laugh, he didn’t think he was funny at all, so why would he?

And yet he still hadn’t contacted Magnus in 8 days, 8 days too long if you asked him. In those 8 days, Alec had time to think, he had time to go over things, to talk to someone about them, and just learn more about himself in general. And that he did, so maybe it was best to isolate himself a little from the guy that probably meant most to him at this point. He just needed a little time with his siblings, especially after Luke made him take time off. He honestly had hoped that Magnus wouldn’t have occupied his mind as much as he had, but he couldn’t blame himself. Everything he did nowadays felt like it had some relation to him. Like all he wanted was for Magnus to be in his presence. Yes, he felt nauseous standing in front of the big wooden door, but he also felt elated, hoping that Magnus wouldn’t be more than a few feet away from him. Alec took three deep breaths, like the psychiatrist had told him. He raised his fist and knocked softly on the door. Hoping that he would be home.

“Magnus?” Alec hesitantly asked when he didn’t hear the usual feet pattering over towards the entryway. “Are you there?”

Alec heard shuffling now and the door opened slowly. Alec bit his lip when he saw the sight that met him. Magnus had a comforter around his shoulders, his hair was a mess, he was in sweatpants and wore slippers. He clearly didn’t expect company, based on the makeup less face and undone hair. Alec couldn’t help but smile at the most beautiful man he ever laid eyes on, though.

“Hi,” Magnus said shyly.

“Hi, can I come in?” Alec muttered softly.

“Sure,” Magnus opened the door further and let Alec in. “What are you doing here?” He didn’t sound rude or in any way hostile, just curious and… hopeful?

“I… uh..I… can we sit for a while?”

Magnus seemed to be caught off guard and gestured towards the couch hastily. “Of course.”

“Do you want something to drink?” Magnus asked, always the perfect host Alec thought.

“No, I uh.. need to say something before I’m too scared to.”

“Okay…” Alec could feel Magnus’ nervous energy as well as his.

“I came to apologize for how I’ve been avoiding you. I’m sorry about all of this weirdness between us, ever since the whole hashtag thing. But I don’t know… I guess I just had to take some time for myself.”

“Okay,” Magnus started slowly not wanting to push the other man.

“I’m sorry for not responding to your calls or messages and I’m sorry for acting like a complete jerk, when I said you weren’t accountable for that whole thing.” Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but Alec wasn’t letting him. “I know you don’t think I have to apologize, but I want to so please.” Alec looked at Magnus’ kind eyes as the man nodded for him to continue. “So, I’m sorry. Just to clarify I’m not sorry for needing some time, I’ve learned that I should take my own pace, but I am sorry for cutting you out and leaving you in the dark.” Magnus nodded like he agreed and Alec carried on. “I want to share the reason why I haven’t been in contact with you a lot lately, besides the _whole thing_.” Magnus seemed to still follow and quietly let him talk.

“I’ve been talking with that psychiatrist some more as I thought it would be a good idea and we came to the conclusion that I probably have anxiety. Not the worst case scenario, but also not the lightest. I tend to overcalculate everything, I tend to worry too much, I am really tense for no particular reason and I tend to be nervous for occasions that I shouldn’t be nervous for, like this one.” Magnus’ eyes widened sympathetically as if he wanted to stop Alec right there and wrap him in a blanket to make sure he wasn’t feeling uncomfortable. “She said to me that mine isn’t caused by stress, but stress is a major factor whenever my anxiety is really bad. Such as a few weeks ago, it can be like a trigger that can/ will send me over the edge. The whole anxiety thing just feels like a lot to take on and I don’t know how to feel about any of it. All of the sudden I have a disorder and it feels so strange to be admitting this. I never really thought that something  was seriously wrong or not okay and just thinking about this makes me feel upset. But I do understand her, I do understand why I act the way I do sometimes, I understand why I can feel like I’m suffocating or why I can feel so anxious. Ariel, that is her name btw,  said she wants to have more sessions with me to help me with some of the struggles and hopefully help me with difficult situations. I feel really comfortable with her, so I’m fine with that. I guess I just have to take one day at a time, and hope that I will feel better soon. It already feels easier to know what it is.”

“I didn’t contact you much these days, because I was nervous about talking to you about this. Since I knew I had to. And I wanted to.” Magnus smiled a little, before having a serious expression on his face again. “I’m so sorry for pushing you away. I haven’t been avoiding you for the reasons you think, but that is also not entirely true,” he contradicted himself. “I got really nervous and nauseous about the whole twitter situation. Because all the sudden, hundreds of people wanted to know who I was and I’m just not ready and okay with that. It felt so overwhelming that I didn’t know what to do, or what to say. I never blamed you for that, I knew you couldn’t do anything about it, I want you to know that. But I just felt…. uncomfortable. And now since this whole situation mostly has blown over, I’m feeling a little more at ease. I still want to hang out with you and do stuff with you, because honestly I really really love hanging out with you.” Alec looked at the ground when he finished and waited patiently for Magnus’ response. Alec felt Magnus cup his cheeks.

“Alexander, you never have to apologize for your mental health. Never. To no one, ever. Understood?” Magnus softly asked, Alec nodded his head. Alec felt like Magnus had to get that out, before saying anything else. “I’m really happy that you trust me enough to know all this and I’m not mad at you for anything. Also if you ever feel like you don’t want to tell me something, then don’t. I don’t have to know everything, you know. Just tell me as much as you’re comfortable with, I will never judge you.”

“Thank you… for understanding and just being you. Just so you know, I don’t trust people easily…”

“Then I’m really happy you put your trust in me,” Magnus sighed. “And I really really love hanging out with you, too.” Magnus said softly, while he brushed a strand of hair out of Alec’s face. Alec looked up from the ground and pulled Magnus in for a hug. “I missed you,” he sighed into the other man’s shoulder.

“I missed you too,” Magnus replied whole heartedly, he pulled away slowly just to look at Alec’s face again. “You’re lucky that you caught me here, tonight. Since the whole cast and crew is out partying by now,” Magnus chuckled.

“Oh, yeah. Right. Totally forgot, Izzy told me about it.  Cast party right?” Magnus nodded.  “Why didn’t you go?” Alec asked curiously.

“Didn’t feel like it, I felt a little down. I guess I was a little distracted,” he admitted sheepishly. “Do you want to stay for a while?”

“Yeah sure, what do you want to do?” Alec asked, feeling like he was able to breathe again.

“I have some games, like Mario Kart…” Magnus thought it would be better if they took their minds off of this heavy subject for a little while. And when Alec shot up at the mentioning of the game, Magnus knew he made the right decision.

“So, you want to play Mario Kart?” Magnus asked excitedly.

“Of course!” Alec said enthusiastically.

“I’m not going to take it easy on you, for the record,” Magnus teased.

“Bring it on, Bane.”

“Oh, I’ll bring it. I’m gonna kick your gorgeous ass.” Magnus finished with a wink that earned him a pillow thrown to his face.

“Less talking, more playing.”

“How about dirty talk?” Magnus asked with big eyes.

“No! No distracting me!” Alec yelled, which made Magnus burst out in laughter. This was going to be a fun night.  

 

***

 

Alec felt a little disoriented when he woke up, he wasn’t in his usual bed and had to do a double take to figure out where he was. Once he realized whose bedroom it probably was, a crooked smile appeared on his face. He was at Magnus’ he remembered, they played games all night, talked a while and then finally fell asleep. He couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when he looked over to the other side of the bed and Magnus was not there. Where did he go? Did they even sleep next to each other? It wouldn’t be strange since they had already done that before, but maybe Magnus didn’t feel very comfortable next to Alec. No, that probably wasn’t it, Alec thought. That couldn’t be it, right? Maybe the distance had made Magnus doubt about their relationship…. Alec sighed heavily and shook his head again, trying to keep these negative thoughts out of his mind, but somehow they always returned. Magnus always told him that he was important to him, so why did his thoughts tell him over and over that he was not. Alec slapped his forehead, not hard, and began thinking realistically. 1. Magnus cared for him. 2. He said he loved hanging out with him. 3. He had missed him. He repeated those reasons in his head a few times and stood up. He noticed that he had on a pair of sweats and no shirt, knowing that he didn’t put those pants on himself, he walked over to the living room to see if Magnus was there. And to no surprise he was, laying on the couch soundly asleep. He looked so sweet and innocent when he was breathing slowly in his sleep. Alec wanted nothing more than to walk over and admire him, which he realized he did a little since he unconsciously stood closer to him already, but decided to let the other man sleep and not bother him.

He walked back into the bedroom to find his shirt or his jeans, which weren’t there unfortunately. Would Magnus mind if he grabbed a shirt from his closet? What did Magnus’ closet even look like? Alec slowly opened the doors to what must be his closet and curiously looked inside. The thing was huge, not that he expected anything less from Magnus, but this closet beat every single option he imagined. Magnus’ closet was the most luxurious and beautiful closet he ever saw. The clothes were folded and organized so neatly on the sides. In the middle there was a sort of table that was fully ‘stocked’ with purses and handbags. The only word that would do this ‘closet’ justice would be breathtaking. The room was filled with so many clothes, that Alec thought that there at least would be something for him. Right? He began searching and couldn’t really find anything, everything was so gorgeous and different, he would never look good in that. His eyes caught a few boxes that were stacked under the table, he wondered what would be in there. Maybe it was the clothing that Magnus didn’t really like. Not realizing that he was actually very nosy he opened the box, but what he encountered was something that he wouldn't expect….

 

The box was filled with magazines and papers all filled with photos of Magnus. Articles about his movies, interviews, dating tips, coming out articles, everything.

“Wow,” he breathed out. He briefly scanned a few magazines and wasn’t pleasantly surprised by them. Some said horrible and mean things, others were more neutral and the occasional one said something positive. Alec couldn’t wrap his head around how Magnus would feel about these, why he would still have these? Did he buy them himself? Alec picked up another box and found even more there, but it almost seemed like Magnus had organized those. They all seemed to go about Magnus’ dating life, who he was with, who he was seen with, who he broke up with. It was brutal, Alec blinked a few tears away. These people were ruthless, how could they even think about writing this, were they heartless? Did they have any morals? Alec didn’t understand, Magnus was the kindest soul he had ever met and still people were saying so much shit about him. Titles such as ‘Newcomer Magnus Bane on the loose?’ and ‘What’s new in bisexual Magnus Bane’s fleeting dating life?’ pissed Alec really off, they should just mind their own business. And not only in these nosy and ridiculous magazines, but also online. He got why Magnus was so popular and interesting, but why were people using that as a way to blatantly hate on him? Compared to this, Alec’s treatment by some of his ‘fans’ was nice. His eyes lingered a while until he caught sight of a magazine that he recognized. He wondered where he saw it before, until it clicked. It was the same Isabelle had thrown to his head, when he found out he had met Magnus Bane. Wow, that seemed like so long ago. Alec was so focused on the articles that he didn’t hear someone approaching.

“Guess you found my secret stash, huh?” Magnus approached him, he looked confident, but Alec noticed a bit of insecurity in his eyes.

“Oh. Magnus, I’m so sorry… I wasn’t snooping.. Well actually I was, but it wasn’t my intention.. I..” Alec stammered.

“It’s fine, really.” Magnus sighed and sat down next to Alec.

“Don’t get me wrong, but why do you have all of this? I thought you didn’t read any articles about yourself if they weren’t interviews. At least that is what you told me, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want me,” Alec hastily said.

“Hey,” Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand in his. “You told me yesterday that you trust me, well I trust you too.”

“Good..” Alec replied.

“I don’t buy those magazines.. anymore. I used to, a lot. Especially in the beginning of my career, during and after my relationship with Camille. It was horrible and stupid, but I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to see what they wrote and said behind my back. I realized that it wasn’t healthy and stopped a few years ago. Those you found are mostly old ones, ones that I used to buy,” Magnus looked a little ashamed.

“What about this one?” Alec held up the magazine with him and Magnus inside. “This isn’t old.” Magnus grabbed a box and searched for something, when he seemed to finally find it he opened it for Alec. Alec looked inside and saw the pictures of their coffee ‘date’.

“That is why I said mostly. I don’t buy any magazines that have me in it anymore, but I couldn’t resist with these ones. Because you were in them too and I know you weren’t/ aren’t comfortable with it, but I can’t help but love these pictures of us. I haven’t read what they said, because I know that almost never works out, but I wanted them for the pictures.” Alec was silent for a while and had to process.

“I’m sorry if I freaked you out,” Magnus whispered and attempted to put the magazines back in the boxes. Alec grabbed his hands to stop his movement and to get his attention.

“You didn’t, I promise. I just can’t believe it..”

“Yeah, it’s stupid. I should’ve never even thought about buying all these, they were pointless and only made my self-esteem worse.”

“No, that is not what I meant. I meant that I can’t believe the horrible things people write about you, why do you even put up with this?”

“I have to, I can’t control what people say. Trust me, I’ve tried, but I’ve never come out on the other side. On the better side. I just went downhill every time I tried to defend myself, but if something really bothers me I do step up. Just these silly articles don’t mean much to me anymore, okay?” Magnus asked softly. Alec nodded and helped Magnus put them away, he clearly didn’t want to talk about them anymore, so Alec decided not to push. Just as Magnus never pushed him to talk about something.

When they cleaned up they both walked over to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

“Why did you sleep on the couch this morning?” Alec asked him finally.

“I wanted to give you some space, I didn’t know if you felt comfortable if I laid next to you after the week you’ve had.” Always the gentleman, Alec thought. He reached over the table to grab Magnus’ hand and entwined their fingers.

“Thank you for last night, I had fun.” Alec smiled broadly and squeezed Magnus’ hand a little.

“Me too.”

"Do you have stuff to do today?" Alec asked while he sipped from the tea Magnus had put in front of him.

"I don't have to go to set, but I do have that interview with Izzy I told you about remember?"

"Right," Alec nodded a little disappointingly.

"Now the important question..." Magnus started and Alec raised his eyebrows intrigued. "Do you want belgian waffles for breakfast, or pancakes?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed it please leave a kudo or some comments, constructive critisism or feedback is also heavily appreciated :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So new chapter woohoo!! This chapter we'll see the interview between Magnus and Izzy and E!news. I don't really have to say much about this chapter, hope you'll like it.  
> Disclaimer: I don't dislike E!news or anything, this isn't a dig to them. This was just me using the first thing that came up in my head. Also the description of The Downworld is based off Shadowhunters, but it has also some own twists in it.  
> Hope I didn't make big mistakes, since I didn't beta it. Fingers crossed :)

“Magnus!” Isabelle yelled from outside his apartment, luckily Magnus was already dressed and ready. “Let me in,” she exclaimed again as if Magnus wasn’t already at the door ready to open it.

“Yes, dear Isabelle. How can I be of service?” Magnus joked when he opened the door for her. She walked in with her six inch heels and strolled over to the living room, where she seated herself on the couch as if she’s done it a thousand times before. Magnus almost went to close the door when he saw Simon running up to the apartment, catching up.

“Simon?”

“Yeah, I invited him with, you don’t mind right?” Isabelle asked. There was something in her voice that didn’t sound quite right, something like a tremble he hadn’t heard before. Was the confident Isabelle Lightwood nervous? He always knew that Isabelle wasn’t always the strong, independent woman she projected herself to be. She could be vulnerable, he witnessed it himself. He knew Izzy put on this armor in front of her, so people couldn’t touch her. But when she wasn’t paying attention, she sometimes let it slip and you could see the real Izzy. The still powerful and strong woman, but more human and fragile.

“I don’t mind, dear.” Magnus sighed.

“Sorry, Magnus. She said she talked to you about it and that you were fine with it, but if you’re not just tell me and I’ll be out of your hair. You do have great hair, though. Not that it’s your best asset, but I’m also not saying that it’s not. You have many great assets, you’re just a great man. What I’m trying to say is,” Simon rambled until Magnus put a stop to it.

“Shut up, Simon,” Magnus said fake annoyed, Simon quickly closed his mouth and stared at the 6’3 man coming towards him. Magnus knew that Alec didn’t really care for Simon, and wasn’t particularly his biggest supporter, but he also knew that Alec’s hard exterior towards Simon wasn’t real. Although Alec wasn’t impressed by him, he knew that he treated Izzy right and with respect. And besides they weren’t even dating, they were just ‘friends’ as Izzy put it.

“Hi.. A-Alec.” Alec gave him an unimpressed glance and walked over to where his sister was sitting. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, gave her a kiss on the cheek and whispered something in her ear that Magnus couldn’t make out. He looked over to a defeated Simon and sighed.

“Alexander, dear. The least you can do is acknowledge him.” Alec tried to glare at him, but as soon as his eyes met Magnus’ they turned soft.

“Hi, Simon.” Alec mumbled into Izzy’s shoulder. Simon gave Magnus an impressed look.

Magnus nudged Simon further the living room in and grabbed a seat himself.

“Nervous, dear?” Magnus asked Izzy who was playing with her brother’s fingers and biting her pink lip.

“Of course not,” she replied a little too quickly. Magnus raised an eyebrow at her and tried to meet her gaze.

“Okay, this is my first ever big interview. What if I screw it up? That’s why I brought Simon, I need some moral support.” Izzy gave Simon a crooked smile, who in return gave a knowing gaze.

“Hey,” Magnus said softly and put his hand on her knee. “I’m going to be there too, and if we mess it up, we’ll mess it up together. And besides not many people out there take E!news seriously.”

“But you’re used to this, to interviews, to people writing about you, I’m not.” Alec looked at Magnus with sympathy, probably because he was thinking about this morning.

“Yes,” he sighed and glanced at Alec. “I am, but that doesn’t make me any better at it than you. You are going to do great, Isabelle. You’re a very intelligent girl, you know a lot about the show and you won’t let anyone walk all over you. I think you have the perfect combination right there for an interview. You are going to kill it, Iz.”

“And if anyone says something stupid about you, you’ll just kick them with your boots,” Simon chimed in, as an attempt to make her smile. It worked. She chuckled softly.

“Okay. Can Alec come too?” she asked shyly.

“Of course, I personally would love to have Alexander there,” Magnus winked at him and thought he saw Alec’s cheeks redden for a second.

“Great! Then let’s go.”

 

***

 

“Is this it?” Alec asked quizzically, not feeling too impressed by the building.

“Yes, this is indeed it. Little depressing right?” Magnus said referencing the dark grey building.

“This building looks like the life has been sucked out of it,” Simon retorted, which gained everyone’s attention. “What?” he asked dumbfoundedly.

“Nothing, Si. Shall we?” Izzy sighed and strutted forward, head held high. With Simon following right behind her. Alec gave Magnus a knowing look and motioned for him to follow her.

“Ready to face the big bad evil?” Alec asked Magnus.

“Nope, but I’m doing it for Izzy and the show. So let’s,” Alec still saw some hesitation in his eyes and turned tugged his sleeve so that he would be standing closer to him.

“Wanna hold my hand?” Alec joked and didn’t think Magnus would give much of a response.

But to Alec’s surprise he did.

“Yes please,” Magnus whined a little and entwined their fingers together. They walked in, side by side and Magnus let go of Alec’s hand as soon as they were inside. Not wanting to risk spreading anymore rumors about them.

“Magnus Bane!” Catarina yelled from down the hall.

Magnus scrunched his face up like he knew he was going to get yelled at. “Yes, Cat?”

“Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been waiting for you for over twenty minutes…”

“I’m sorry Cat, I forgot that I was supposed to meet you here earlier,” Magnus bowed his head in shame, but Alec wouldn’t let him be upset for much longer, grabbing his hand in his again and smiling at him. Magnus smiled back and squeezed their hands. Caught off guard, Catarina looked at their entwined fingers, and Alec almost thought he saw her face soften.

“Actors, seriously what use are they?” Catarina muttered to herself, while she escorted Alec and Magnus towards the room he was being interviewed in. “ _I’m going to be on time, Catarina. You worry too much Catarina, you should have faith in me Catarina_ , he says,” Cat mocked Magnus, but  hejust rolled his eyes, which made Alec chuckle. Luckily Cat didn’t hear, or otherwise he would’ve been in trouble.

“Okay, so everybody listen up. I’m also talking to you, Simon.” Catarina pointed at him and he was quick to join their little group.

“Isabelle, where is your agent?” she asked looking around.

“Right, forgot to tell you. She’s not coming, her car broke down and she isn’t able to make it today.” Cat sighed really loud, making sure that everyone knew how annoyed she was.

“Next time, I want you to tell me earlier, okay?” She pointed her glare at Izzy and Isabelle quickly nodded. "But for now, I'll be your agent, I guess."

“The interviewer will be here soon, I asked for some time with you first, to prepare.” Everyone nodded in appreciation, knowing that preparation was really useful. Especially since they didn’t know what to expect, did the interviewer also want to talk about Izzy and Magnus or did they just wanted to talk about the show.

“Things you shouldn’t do, and yes I’m looking at you Magnus,” she glanced at him and caught him giving her an eyeroll. “Make sure you think about your answers and what the interviewer is really asking. Don’t spoil any huge things about the show, or else you may be out of a job,” she looked at them both dead serious. “Okay, kidding. But please don’t spoil anything or else I’m going to have some explaining to do. Please just try to be as polite as possible, you can joke with the interviewer if the occasion arises. And overall just talk about your experiences with some of the cast, with the crew and with the story overall. Okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” Magnus joked. “Who is the interviewer going to be?” he asked out of curiosity. Catarina made a face and turned towards Magnus.

“It’s going to be Erica ….” Alec saw Magnus’ eyes widen and wondered why he was so shocked or upset.

“Great…” Magnus said sarcastically and sighed heavily.

“Magnus, if she’s one bit unprofessional today, I’ll handle it, okay?” Magnus still frowned but nodded anyway. “You ready?” she asked Izzy and Magnus, who gave each other a look, they both nodded their heads as the door was thrown open.

 

***

 

“So let’s start off with saying, that you both look beautiful,” Erica started the interview. The camera was on and recording and Magnus and Izzy sat next to each other on high chairs behind a huge window that produced a beautiful view of the city.

“Well, thank you.” Magnus smiled, he tried his best to keep his smile real, but the woman was literally the devil. Erica Cost, was her name. The worst interviewer out there, Magnus had first been charmed by her appearance, but as soon as she opened her mouth vicious things started coming out of it. Everything she asked seemed like it had a double meaning, like either way you answered it, your answer would be wrong. On camera it was doable, but as soon as the camera was turned off, she was just horrible. The respect he had for her just flew out the window, as soon as she had mentioned Camille in an interview. Especially since he had particularly asked for that to not be mentioned. And sure Magnus could’ve done something about it, but he honestly didn’t have the energy for it. So Erica could play dirty, hopefully today wasn't prove of that.

“So Isabelle this is your first time being interviewed by a big company, how do you feel about that?”

“I’m actually really nervous about it. I’m worried that I might say the wrong thing or that I make a fool out of myself, let’s just say I’m glad that Magnus is here with me.” Izzy turned to Magnus and smiled up at him.

“You two have been busy lately with filming this new show called The Downworld, how has that been going?” Erica asked intrigued.

“For me it has been a blessing. I’ve never really had a chance like this before. Working with Magnus Bane, having a crew, your own costumes, having a writer team. It’s all very new to me and in the beginning it was very overwhelming, but everyone was so nice and kind to me. I remember my first day and Magnus just came up to me, reassuring me and making sure I felt comfortable. The whole environment on set just feels right. I love my costars, the crew and the showrunners. It already feels like a family to me,” Isabelle responded.

“That seems like a great experience, indeed. And for you Magnus?” she turned her attention back on Magnus.

“It has been a dream come true. I’ve never been this involved in a series before. I think I’ve been working on this with the team for about three years now. And to see it finally come to life, is so amazing. I’m so happy about the casting and the writers and the crew. Everything on set feels right, everyone is wonderful and a joy to be around. So, the atmosphere on set is really positive and nice and it is a great environment to work at.”

“Can you please tell us a little more about the show?” she turned towards Isabelle.

“The show takes place in, what is called, the Shadow world, where mystical creatures exist. Werewolves, vampires, seelies and warlocks are all part of the Downworld. They are half human, half demon blooded creatures. The downworld is oppressed by a group called the Hunters. These half human half angel blooded creatures think they are superior and are treating them like shit, basically. Now to the story, the story revolves around Amara, Amara is a nineteen year old werewolf that just got turned. She’s never seen the world like this before and is obviously scared of what is happening. She meets a group of really cool people, including Rosie and Magnus’ character Zalgo who also belong to the downworld. They get to know each other and Amara slowly begins to learn about how life is going to be from now on. And uh…” Seeing that Izzy is struggling to finish the summary Magnus stepped in.”Uh..”

“They try to fight their oppression and find a way to make the Hunters realize that they are people too, even though they aren’t half angels. The story talks about racism, discrimination and other sortlike issues. Most of the downworlders are thereby played by people of color. To reference today’s society, but we’re still being a little subtle about it. So, it’s everything you want basically. We have a diverse cast, a wonderful and empowering storyline, a black female lead, we can’t forget the lgbtq relationships, the show will have a lot of representation in that area too, and we’re not afraid to take on important issues.”

“That seems like the whole package to me,” she smiled, but Magnus could see it wasn’t sincere, she was probably upset that he finished the summary for Isabelle. Magnus quickly whispered “You’re doing great, relax.” Into Izzy’s ear, before focusing his attention back on Erica.

“So how did the show come about?”

“Well, about three years ago this team of writers came to me with an idea. I heard them out and listened to their offer. I tried to be as critical as possible, but in the end I loved the story and wanted to help. So we started working out the story, I was included in this and we contacted showrunners, directors and networks. We finally found a network that wanted to work with us and after that everything just went by so quickly. It’s crazy to think that we’re making this beautiful story reality. But I think it’s time. I think the show would be very appealing to many, the relationships that we’re going to discuss are awesome and the storylines are so cool and well thought out, that I think will appeal to many.  So fingers crossed right?” He crossed his fingers as he said so, as did Izzy. They talked a little more about the show and its characters, but soon enough the interview took another turn, one that Magnus didn’t really appreciate.

 

“So besides the story being great, how has working together been?” Erica asked trying to continue the interview.

“It has been great, I loved working with Izzy. We get along really well and we have had a great time and still are having a great time. I have a huge amount of respect for her and her work and I’m so happy she has joined the team,” Magnus answered with the biggest smile on his face.

“Me too, Magnus has been so great and the rest of the cast as well. We mostly spend our time together and I can’t complain. He’s been such a great example and has had my back since day one. It has been great.”

“Any inside scoop maybe? Are there couples developing behind the scenes?”

“Uh… not that I know of,” Izzy chuckled. “We all hang out a lot together, but I don’t think there are relationships forming at the moment.”

“Nothing going on between the two of you either?” she smirked and teased a little, but Magnus knew better than that. He tried his best to not roll his eyes, knowing that this question was going to come eventually.

“No, we are just great friends. Sometimes I feel like Izzy is my little sister.”

“Well, big brother, I feel the same,” Izzy winked at him and chuckled.

“So Magnus? No new love interest the last few months? No new girlfriend waiting for you at home?” she asked again, a little too prying for Magnus’ liking. Unconsciously Magnus looked at Alec standing in the corner when she asked that question. It was for only a second, but he was sure that Alec had noticed.

“Nope.” He tried to not sound offended by her question, since she only said girlfriend. Not boyfriend, only girlfriend.

“I also saw that you’ve been hanging out with Izzy’s brother,” she showed a picture on the screen and Magnus’ eyes wondered to Alec who looked concerned.

“I mean you look like two great friends right?” She quickly skipped through the picture.

“Right.” How ironic, the only person Magnus had feelings for was thought of as a friend, how clueless some people could be. “Don’t you have more questions to ask Isabelle?” Magnus asked feeling like she was being left out of this interview, because of him. Izzy squeezed the hand he had laid on her knee, to reassure him that she was in fact fine.

But the interviewer just ignored him and went on about some photo with former ‘lover’ Dot. Yes, Magnus saw Dot again, but that was because they were still great friends. He didn't think that was a crime to be keeping up with old friends.

“Why is this photo of Dot of any relevance? She had nothing to do with the show, so I don’t see why we’re talking about it.”

“I was just wondering about your dating life,” Erica smiled innocently. “I just thought that maybe you were hiding a secret relationship and you didn’t want the public to know,” she chuckled and made it come of as a joke, but Magnus knew better than that.

“Oh, so I can’t not be in a relationship?” Magnus asked a little offended by now. Izzy touched his arm, for support.

“Don’t get me wrong, but you don’t seem like the type to not date. You don’t have that reputation for nothing,” she shaded. She was so sly, knowing that comments like these made Magnus riled up, but weren't enough for her to get in real trouble. Even though, they were pretty close.

“Excuse me?” Magnus blurted out.

"Woah, woah, woah," Izzy put her hand up as a sign for Erica to stop talking.

Magnus saw Alec moving in the back and knew that he was trying to hold back, wanting to slap that woman right in her smug face.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just that you’ve had a lot of relationships and it seemed a little off for you to not be in one right now. So why don’t you save us the trouble and tell us who the mystery girl is?” _Girl, just_ _girl, no guy._ And Magnus just snapped, not that anyone could blame him.

“For the record I’m not dating anyone right now and it is either way none of your business!" He exclaimed. "And just to be clear, I’m bisexual. That means that I’m into men and women, so for you to suggest that I only have female partners isn’t only homophobic, but also very disrespectful. Way to show your true identity. This network has done nothing but throw me under the bus, you’ve stalked me, disrespected me and humiliated me so many times I lost count. For you to ask these questions and talk about me like this, isn’t only highly unprofessional, but also very rude. My costar is here right next to me, but instead you pay her dust. She has a great mind and is incredibly intelligent, so you could’ve asked her so many great questions. Instead you’re trying to make me look bad and want to talk about my love life. I’m sick of it. I’m done with you and your questions, you personally have been a nightmare to work with and I won’t stand for it anymore. I sincerely hope that you lose your job and won’t bother me ever again. I am so done with this network and its staff. We’re done doing this interview,” And with that he grabbed Izzy’s hand and walked out of the room.

“Well said, Magnus,” Izzy exclaimed so that the interviewer would still hear. He heard Alec and Simon follow them. A while later he heard Catarina yell and storm out as well.

“What the fuck was that?” Alec asked when they went outside.  
“That’s Erica,” Catarina sighed. “She’s done this before, but Magnus has never lost his cool like this before.”

"The nerve she has," Alec exclaimed.

“I’m just so done with her and this stupid network!” Magnus yelled behind him.

“Yeah, yeah, she got the message,” Catarina said, while dragging Magnus to their car. “Let’s all just go to your place and get some food, while we talk, okay?” Everyone nodded and got in the car.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or a kudo if you liked it xx
> 
> "Woah, woah, woah"- Peter Kavinsky 2k18
> 
> Also line from the next chapter:
> 
> “They fucking leaked it?”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so long time no see :) I honestly didn't know what to do with this story anymore, it has been getting on my nerves a little since I can't figure out how I want to end it. There is probably going to be two or three chapters left, but I don't know when I will post them. Currently I've been busy with school and wasn't really in the mood to write. But I did :) Don't know if you'll like it or not, hope you will, but we'll see. I've been also writing this other story since I did have some inspiration for that one. I just feel like this story went on a rollercoaster ride and I don't have a clear view as to how to end it. So, I guess we'll have to wait and see.  
> I know this story has become a little bit of a mess, but I'll just deal with it I guess. 
> 
> This chapter will talk about the aftermath of the interview and the judgement of the internet. People are being awful in this fic, not one of the characters, though.  
> Is this basically just me venting?? Definitely! 
> 
> Disclaimer: This is not particularly based on any situation, but just in general. I'm sick of people hating on other people online, just because they can. It's not difficult to keep your hurtful opinions to yourself, I do it all the damn time. Basically this is me just being critical of our current situation online. So, this is not a reference to any situation!!!! just in general. I just think that people should watch what they are saying.  
> Hope you'll enjoy <3

They had all gathered around  in the living room, sitting side by side, while a movie was playing in the background. It was already late, but they didn’t care. Simon and Clary were seated on the ground, Catarina and Izzy were seated on the maroon couch and Magnus and Alec were huddled together on one of Magnus’ loveseats. They had let the interview go, as Magnus had asked them to, but it wasn’t forgotten. When they had left, Magnus felt humiliated, used. He had called Clary on their way home and of course she had come as soon as she could, knowing how good of a friend she was. Magnus didn’t want to talk about it, since it would only make his day worse, and he couldn’t have that. He knew this would happen, he knew she would say some shit like that. He knew he shouldn’t have done the interview, always listen to your gut! Magnus felt stupid for falling for her tricks, he had been suspicious about it, but that clearly hadn’t been enough. He had had some other terrible experiences with her and he came to the conclusion that she was just a terrible human being and should not be trusted.

It all began when he had his first lead role, they wanted to do an interview with Magnus and he had agreed. He had been so excited about his first ever real interview, just like Izzy had, but _she_ had to ruin it. She had asked about everything, except the movie and Magnus was furious. This was supposed to be promotion for the film, he wasn’t supposed to be talking about his costar at the time. Back then he was still in a relationship with Camille, so when Erica asked about his ‘relationship’ with his new costar, it had been awful. Camille had gotten upset and ignored him for almost two weeks, while Magnus was heartbroken. It was so surprising, still, Erica seemed so charming and kind, but apparently you can’t trust just anyone. Erica had pretended to care, but all she did was stab him in the back, like everyone else. But he wasn’t bitter, he wasn’t. Okay, maybe a little. To be honest, Magnus thought TMZ was worse than E!news, but he just couldn’t stand Erica. Not after she had betrayed him like that. It also happened to be her who was writing all these articles about him back then, he just felt awful by the whole situation.

But that didn’t matter right now, not anymore. Not when Alec was squeezed close to him, so close that he could feel the warmth radiating off of him. Magnus sank down further in the seat and grabbed Alec’s hand into his, wanting to be as close to him as possible. Alec didn’t move at all, wasn’t even affected by the sudden change, he was so used to it by now. He knew that Magnus needed some sort of confirmation from time to time, and Alec was more than willing to give it to him. Magnus found himself doing that quite often, physically reaching out to Alec. Wanting to touch him, to know he was there, as if his presence alone could relax every nerve in his body. Which it did, because as soon as their fingertips touched, Magnus felt at peace. It was weird how their relationship had changed so much the last couple of weeks. Ever since their big revelation a few weeks back, they had grown even closer. He was happy they opened up to one another. Yes, Alec had taken some distance first, but he had returned and wanted to explain everything.

Magnus couldn’t help but steal some glances from beside him as Alec was currently deep in conversation with Catarina. Catarina, who seemed to hate his guts the minute she had seen him. And now they were happily chatting. Alec could literally win over anyone if he wanted to, those charming eyes and crinkles around them could make the hearts of thousands melt. He looked back to the rest of the group and caught Izzy’s eyes, who had a slightly intense stare, as if she was trying to figure something out. He knew what it was, looking at their hands, he didn’t know how to figure it out either. They were basically already a couple, the things they did were not just friendly, but they didn’t really have a label. Magnus knew Alec returned his feelings, so what was he waiting for exactly? He didn’t know and wished he did. Why weren’t they together? What was holding him back? Maybe things were just getting too difficult, maybe things were getting too personal, maybe they were in too deep already. Alec squeezed Magnus’ hands which pulled him out of his mind. Looking at the hazel eyes, he couldn’t imagine ever wanting to look at something else. Magnus couldn’t stretch this enough, but Alec’s eyes were something else. Just looking at them made you feel secure, safe and relaxed. Just looking at them made you want to trust the owner. He held so much kindness and protectiveness in his eyes, Magnus had been perplexed at first, but now he was used to them staring back at him with so much devotion. Magnus wanted to get out of his head and shook it lightly as if that would be the solution. He focused on what the group was talking about, wanting to join in as well. Wanting to be in the moment with Alec and not stuck in his head by himself.

 

“Oh hell no, Chris Hemsworth is definitely the best Chris,” Simon said loudly.

“How could you just forget about Chris Evans?” Izzy chimed in.

“I’m sorry sis, but I have to go with Simon here. He is definitely the best Chris.” Alec smirked at Izzy’s exasperated look on her face.

“Aren’t we forgetting a Chris?” Magnus inquired. Everybody was silent, which caused him to roll his eyes. “Chris Pine, duh!”

“You think Chris Pine is hotter than Chris Hemsworth?” Alec asked not believing him.

“Yes, Alexander, I do.” Magnus chuckled when Alec looked at him like he had seven heads. “You’re crazy,” Alec muttered lowly and grabbed a handful of popcorn.

“Crazy for you,” Magnus flirted. Alec turned back to him and Magnus could see the rising blush on his cheeks. Mission accomplished.

“Could you two stop flirting for a minute?” Izzy sighed exhausted.

“I agree with Isabelle here, you two are exhausting to be around.” Catarina huffed when she popped a piece of popcorn in her mouth.

“Hey now, stop bullying them,” Clary argued.

“Thank you Clary, you’re my only friend.” Magnus reached out a hand to her.

“But that being said, I could really appreciate it if you kept the eye fucking to a minimum,” Clary smirked when Magnus rapidly ripped his hand away.

“Traitor!” he accused.

Alec had been particularly quiet in this conversation and it was either him being totally flustered, and judging by his rosy cheeks that probably was it, or he was unbothered and didn’t care.

“But you guys haven’t even discussed my man Chris Pratt,” Catarina chuckled as everyone started laughing.

 

They continued bickering about who was hotter. Their banter was harmless and Magnus felt happy to be with the people who cared so deeply for him. It felt so familiar by now and he couldn’t imagine his life without any of them. Especially not Alec, he wouldn’t even dare to think about the time he hadn’t known Alec. He doesn’t even remember correctly, his mind was so full of _Alexander_.

“Magnus?” Izzy asked all of the sudden, she sounded awfully worried.

“Yes, dear Isabelle.”

“I don’t want to alarm you or want to ruin your day. I really don’t.” Izzy sighed again as if she had to bring the most terrible news. “It’s bad, really bad. I’m so sorry, Magnus.”

“Izzy, just say it,” Alec chimed in, getting annoyed by his sister for taking so long.

“E!News has posted the interview.” Magnus’ eyes widened while he registered what was just said. He stilled beside Alec as if he couldn’t register what she said, surely this couldn’t be so bad right?  
“They fucking leaked it?” Catarina asked.

“And why is that bad? It only makes them look bad, Magnus was the one who they disrespected,” Simon said.

“Oh, sweet Simon. The network never looks bad,” Catarina grabbed her phone and looked it up as well.

“What the fuck, really?” Clary exclaimed and leaned over to Isabelle.

Nobody noticed Magnus hadn’t said anything yet. Well, nobody except Alec.

“Magnus?” he asked small. Magnus heard him, but he was too busy thinking, _not again, please not again._

“Magnus?” he asked again.

“yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“Give it.” Magnus reached out his hand to Isabelle, suggesting for her to give him the phone.

“Magnus, I don’t think..” Alec began, but he was cut short.

“Show me!” Magnus exclaimed with stern look. Isabelle threw her phone at Magnus, which he caught with ease. He took a big sigh and unlocked the phone.

 

**_‘Magnus Bane under fire for being rude to interviewer’_ **

 

Was the first thing he read, he clicked on the link and there it was, the interview. Cut up in bits and pieces, put together so it looked like he was being unnecessarily rude. He yelled, he was rude, he argued back. All of it happened, all of that happened, but not like that. Never like that. Why did it always happen? Why could he never stand up for himself, without there being backlash? Why did people like to hate on him so much? What was so repulsive about him? The fact that he was Asian? Bisexual? Open minded? Flamboyant? What was it? Magnus didn’t understand anymore, or rather he never did. How could people believe in that obviously manipulated crap, time and time again? He wanted to throw the phone on the ground so badly, he wanted to cry so badly, he wanted to scream so badly. Because he had dealt with this before, he knew how it felt, but every single time they didn’t believe him when he was telling the truth, he would feel worse than the time before.

It was so tempting to just scroll down on twitter and see what people said, if someone would stick up for him. He knew it wouldn’t end well, so why did he do it?

 

_Omg, Magnus should apologize, right now! #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_I can’t believe I liked him, how vile do you have to be? This pour woman is just doing her job!_ _#MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_How could he treat her like this??? How about we get him fired. #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_I hope he’ll never live this down… #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_This man has turned into a joke, first he turns out to be a F* and now he hates women too??? Dude is cancelled #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_I told you he wasn’t a feminist, I knew it when he started spreading those rumors about Camille #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_Just say you hate women and go, you fucked up #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_Can’t say I’m surprised by his actions, something is seriously wrong with him #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_WTF! I honestly thought I had finally found a celebrity with a nice personality, guess not. #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_@MagnusBane hope your show and entire career flops, asshole #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

_@CamilleBelcourt is this what you had to deal with, I feel sorry for you #MagnusBaneIsOverParty_

 

Of course he didn’t see the nice ones, the ones that defended him. Because how could you? When all you see is hate, when that is all you can focus on? You can have ten compliments, but as soon as someone criticizes you, you’ll believe that. Negativity always wins, and it’s not fair.

 

“How the fuck do they think that’s okay?” Simon yelled at the top of his lungs.

“This is slander right? They can get sued right?” Isabelle focused her attention on Catarina.

“Yes, it is slander and no, they can’t do this. But Magnus can’t do anything either. What should he do? Go to court? That could take months, his reputation is on the line here,” Catarina said.

“As if saying nothing will do well for his reputation,” Izzy rolled her eyes.

“I agree with Izzy, we can’t just do nothing.” Clary chimed in.

“The nerve they have!!” Simon yelled.

 

The vicious words came back in Magnus’ mind as he drowned out the noises of the rest of the group. They were all arguing, but Magnus just heard numb noises, until Alec pulled him back by taking his hand in his and whispering: “Hey, are you okay?”

Magnus wanted to smile the question away, to nod his head and to truthfully tell Alec that, yes, he was okay. But that wasn’t the truth, that wasn’t even close. So what exactly was the truth? Sure, Magnus had been upset by what Erica had said, but now? Now everything was different, she involved the public in an argument that was between them. He didn’t understand how she could do this to him? This was his life, his career. That was not all that bothered him, though. The whole thing had just brought back so many memories he wanted to forget, his whole thing with Camille, the years after, the abuse etc. He realized he couldn’t lie to Alec, no matter what, so he shook his head in refusal. Alec directly sat up a bit and looked with concern in his eyes at Magnus. His eyes said all the things that didn’t come out of his mouth, and yet through their silent exchange, Alec understood him.

Alec grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room, to somewhere without the yelling and arguing. When they entered Magnus’ bedroom, Magnus still stood frozen, not sure how to react. Alec pulled him closer and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. Magnus couldn’t hold it in anymore and started to let the tears fall. First they were silent, Alec noticed that Magnus almost always cried in silence, but when Alec stroked his back, he just started sobbing and he broke down. Screaming to the world that was so judgmental and so mean. Why did the bad always have to outweigh the good? Why did people feel the need to express their opinion, even if it wasn’t wanted? To make themselves feel better? To prove that they were the better person? How could you feel okay with blatantly hating on someone? He was tired of the questions, tired to make sense of humanity, tired of being judged all the damn time. People were awful and that was the bottom line. No, not everyone fell in that category, but the bad always outweighs the good. You can do hundreds of good things, but as soon as you’re human and make a mistake, you are 'cancelled'. The toxicity of the present. People are not allowed to make mistakes. And Magnus cried and cried, because he was only human.

And Alec just stood there, holding him up. Like he did with him. Because what could he do? Rant on Twitter about the unfairness of this all? That would only make it worse, people made up their minds and they wouldn’t be changing them back anytime soon.

 

***

 

When Alec felt Magnus relax in his arms, he slowly guided them to the bed to get him to lay down. He looked tired, which he probably was after the whole debacle. Alec couldn’t understand how Magnus dealt with this, he would have broken down every single time. But Magnus didn’t, he was strong. And yet here he was, so vulnerable. He didn’t like to see him like this, so numb and hurt. Alec carefully laid beside him and stared for a little while. Magnus’ eyes were red and a little swollen, he looked so miserable. It broke his heart to see him like this. Magnus felt him stare and buried his face in the crook of Alec’s neck as he started whimpering again. Alec wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer, knowing that Magnus needed the touch.

“I love you,” Alec whispered softly, while he stroked the other man’s back. He didn’t know why he said it, but he felt he had to. Magnus had to know that he loved him, it wasn’t supposed to be romantic at the time, but he had to get it out. Magnus pressed his lips against the side of Alec’s neck and sighed heavily.  

“I talked to Maia today when you were busy,” Alec decided to try to keep Magnus’ mind off of things at the moment. “She said she missed me and that they hadn’t gotten anywhere closer with the case. Which is so frustrating, I really don’t know what to do. I want to help, but I know I shouldn’t. Ariel told me not to, so I’m not going to. It’s difficult not being able to control the situation,” Alec complained.

“I wanted to visit Claire soon again, but Ariel didn’t know if that would be such a good idea. Even though I explained that I felt fine. She thinks it will make me want to get back to work… I already feel that way, so a visit can’t hurt right?”

“You know,” Magnus started hoarsely. “That is the reason I don’t read about myself anymore.” Alec sighed, realizing that Magnus was still caught up in his own thoughts.

“I talked to her about you too,” Alec looked down at Magnus.

“To who?” Magnus asked, finally acknowledging what Alec was saying.

“To Ariel.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, she asked who was most important to me. I wanted to say Izzy, she has been for so long and I don’t know what I would do without her, but I couldn’t. So, I said your name, because it was the truth.”

Magnus was silent for a while and tugged Alec closer to him, tears streaming down his face again. Alec was lost, he didn’t know what to say or do, he just caressed him as if that would change the world. But maybe something could cheer him up, he thought, he took his phone out of his pocket, opened up the app and he just started reading.

_“I love you Magnus Bane.’ – @Magnusisking”_

_“You will always have my support - @JuliaJones”_

_“I can’t believe people don’t see what was really happening there - @Baneofmyexistence”_

_“Erica is a bitch, everybody knows that. It has nothing to do with feminism, Magnus still has my support - @JewelleryandBane”_

“What are you doing,” sighed Magnus.

“I’m reading the truth to you,” Alec simply replied.

_“I will always love you, Magnus. Don’t listen to those news articles, you’re stronger than that - @AnneBrook”_

_“When I first came out, I was terrified, but then I saw this actor who was openly bisexual and it changed everything for me. I will always support you Magnus, no matter what. I know this isn’t the whole story - @ObsessedwithMagnusBane”_

_“How can people not see that Magnus is obviously upset, something must have happened, right? I’m so sorry Magnus, people judge too easily. Please be okay - @WonderfulGermaine”_

_“I love you, I love you, I love you @MagnusBane. I love supporting the most generous, the kindest, the bravest person out there - @WhattheBane”_

“Alexander, stop,” Magnus whined

“No, not until you realize that those stupid comments don’t mean anything. Not when you have all these people who care about you, the people that are outside arguing for you. Not when you have me.”

“I know,” he softly whispered.

“Please never forget.” Magnus nodded against Alec’s collarbone and Alec shivered slightly. They were silent for a little while, just breathing each other in.

“I’m tired, Alexander,” he sighed. _Tired of putting up a front, tired of the world, tired of pretending._ Alec understood, of course he did, because for the longest time he felt the same.

“Then sleep, Magnus.” And he did, he closed his eyes and drifted off.

 

Alec smiled when he got the notifications from his friends.

@Izzylightwood

_“Okay, so hold on. E!news humiliated and insulted one of my friends during an interview, but he’s the one who has to apologize for being ‘rude’. E!news was nothing but disrespectful to me and Magnus. They kept bugging him about his dating life and yet he is the one to blame. WTF! I don’t care if people will be mad at me or if anyone wants to come for me. This whole thing isn’t fair. He just asked a pretty fucking good question to the team, but no one is ‘man’ enough to admit they are hypocrites. Doesn’t seem right. Anyway, I’m gonna keep loving the best people out there. Hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your fucked up day ;)”_

 

God, Alec loved his sister.

@SimonthewriterLewis

_Wow! I have never seen such a disrespectful team before, you guys know this is slander right? You can get sued for this! @MagnusBane has done nothing wrong here, and yet he is the bad guy. Because surprise, surprise the interview is fake. It has been edited and put together so it looked like my friend was the horrible one. If you only knew what happened…. The interviewer was nothing but awful, she should be the one apologizing. Not Magnus. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, my friend. @Enews_

 

@ClaryFray

_As the person who has known Magnus the longest (not entirely true, sorry @RagnorFell) I can assure you that he is the kindest, most caring, bravest, most talented and sweetest person I have ever had the pleasure to meet. He is my best friend and my mentor. The things he taught me are priceless and unique. For people to judge him based on a few lies on the internet is messed up. You don’t see the Magnus that I see, the one behind the makeup, behind the act. The interviewer was in the wrong this time, no diva attitude here. So please take your false information somewhere else. I love you @MagnusBane_

 

Alec smiled at the messages, he knew their friends would stick up for Magnus. Alec closed his eyes as well and started drifting off. With Magnus wrapped in his arms, he would always be there for him, like he was for Alec. They were in it for the long run.

An hour or so later Izzy came to check on the both of them and she found them laying in each other’s arms at peace. She smiled at the sight and decided to keep the information to herself, Magnus needed his rest. It could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it you can give me a kudo or leave a comment. Both are highly appreciated and make my day.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter :)  
> Long time no see, I guess. I've been crazy busy with school, myself and other obligations that I didn't have much time to write. I've finally decided what the end was going to be, even though I still have my doubts about it. As it is not as original as I want it to be, but I've debated this long enough. The end is near, I have two or three chapters more in mind, but I don't know how long those will be. So we'll see. My updating calender is still f*cked up, so I don't know when as well. But thanks for sitting it through xx This is a little shorter chapter, hope you don't mind.
> 
> About the chapter: A little more about Magnus and his feelings and Alec being a good guy/friend/possible boyfriend again. 
> 
> Warning:  
> In this chapter there will be a hint of talk about depression, and ptsd. Some puking is involved and one homophobic word is concluded, even though I still bleeped it out. I didn't feel comfortable writing it full out. Also some curse words are being said.
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter

Alec hadn’t meant to sleep for so long, he was supposed to watch over Magnus, protect him. But somehow he had fallen asleep deeply, and to think that just closing your eyes for a second couldn’t do much harm. He blinked open his eyes when he felt someone shift away from him. The bed felt cold, but Alec didn’t register what was happening. Still very sleepy and exhausted, mostly emotionally exhausted. It had been a very difficult week and he hadn’t taken much time to take a breath. But how could he? He had to be there for Magnus, for Izzy, for everyone. He knew it was all getting to him, but he decided to go against any of his warnings and just keep going, foolish of him, he knew what would happen sooner rather than later.

He rolled over in the now cold bed and tried to fall asleep again, but when he heard someone gagging in the bathroom he shot right up. He looked over the empty side of the bed, where he knew Magnus had been sleeping. So it was him who got out of the bed. Of course it was, he tried to argue with his sleep muffled brain. He shoved the blankets off his body and slowly strolled over to the bathroom. It was closed, but not locked. Alec pushed on it slightly and peeked inside. Magnus was hanging over the toilet bowl puking his guts out. Coughing every now and then when his throat probably burned. He looked awful, all burned up and the sweat was dripping off his forehead.

“Are you okay?” Alec softly asked.

“No, of course not.” Magnus snarled back, Alec hadn’t expected that and took a step back. He hadn’t expected Magnus to become so defensive, the only other time he had seen this was when Alec had called him a flirt and a liar. He winced at the memory, he had been so naïve, so judgmental and so stupid. Magnus hurled again and Alec wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and protect him from the entire world. His coughing grew worse and Alec honestly thought Magnus would start throwing his longs up too. After a while Magnus seemed done throwing up as he leaned his back against the bathtub, looking as miserable as ever. Alec could see him more clearly now, his hair was a mess, his whole body was covered with sweat and his eyeliner, that he hadn’t taken off, was running down his face. He looked utterly miserable.

“Done?” Alec asked still as sweet as ever.

Magnus grumbled but managed to get a quick ‘yeah’ out. Alec took pity on him and walked over. He grabbed a towel and started dabbing Magnus’ glistening skin, but not without Magnus disagreeing. He tried to push Alec off, but he was still a little weak and he was shaking too much to concentrate. Alec dabbed his skin softly and reached for a makeup wipe to remove the smudges on Magnus’ face. He did it with so much care and precision that Magnus wanted to cry, he didn’t deserve this man. So, why the fuck was he here? When Alec was done, he put the dirty towel in the hamper and the wipe in the trash.

“Do you want to brush your teeth, or will that make you nauseous again?”

Magnus didn’t answer, instead he just stared in front of him, but grimaced as he thought of the taste of toothpaste. Alec took that as an answer, grabbed Magnus under his arms and pulled him up, as he was still shaking too much to actually pull himself up. He threw Magnus’ arm over his shoulder and dragged him over to the bed. He saw the huge sweat stain on the sheets and decided to place Magnus on one of the chairs instead. He took the dirty sheets off and wandered over to the closet in search for some clean ones. Once everything was changed, he walked back over to Magnus. He pulled on his shirt and threw it in the hamper as well.

“If you wanted me to take off my clothes you could’ve just told me,” Magnus slurred, almost drunkenly. But Alec was sure he hadn’t had a drink, he still decided to ignore it. He changed Magnus’ sweatpants as well, while the latter protested and got him back in the bed.

“Why are you doing this?” Magnus asked.

“Because I care.”

“Well, stop. Nobody should care. I’m a fucking mess, just leave me alone.”

“What is going on with you?! When we went to sleep you seemed okay.”

“I’m not okay, Alec. I’ve never been, and I never will be.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing, I just..” Magnus waved weakly in an attempt to dismiss Alec’s worries.

“Magnus, please let me in. You’re giving me anxiety.”

“I thought you already had that,” Magnus got out before thinking. He realized what he just said and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Shit, I’m sorry, Alexander.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Alec sat down next to Magnus and grabbed his hand in his.

“No, you have been nothing but amazing and I’m just being an asshole. I’m sorry, Alexander. You’ve had a difficult week, without me bitching to you too.”

“Magnus,” Alec started cupped Magnus’ cheek. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean that. Just, please talk to me. I know what happened yesterday is fucked up, but I didn’t realize you would take it this hard. What is going on?”

“I don’t know, Alexander. I don’t know. I feel so bad, I feel so numb and hopeless because of this. I just I don’t know right now. All I know is that I had to throw up, so I did. Could we please not talk about his anymore? I don’t want to, please. I promise I will talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay. But just so you know, you should only care about the opinions of people that matter to you.”

“Like you.” Magnus smiled, but it was still wasn’t as bright as it used to be.

“Yeah, like me. At least I would hope so.”

Magnus grabbed Alec’s arms and pulled him down against his chest. He held him tight against him and Alec just let it happen, knowing that Magnus needed this. He needed Alec’s weight to bring him back again, to feel grounded again. Once he was done, Alec rolled back over to his side and looked at Magnus’ with hopeful and kind eyes. He pulled the blankets back over their bodies and closed his eyes for a little while. While Magnus did the same.

“Why do you care about me?” Magnus asked suddenly in a tiny voice.

Alec allowed his eyes to open again and he stared back at Magnus’ brown ones filled with fear and insecurity.

“Because you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” He raises his hand slowly started to caress Magnus’ cheek, while the other closed his eyes again just listening to what he had to say.

“Because you care so much, you make me feel so important, because you gave me a second chance even though I didn’t deserve it, because I can count on you, because you are the most loving person I’ve ever met, because you are unapologetically you, even though sometimes that can be hard, because you show me something new about you every day, because you put your trust in me, because you make sure the people around you are okay, because your smile lights up the room whenever, because you make me try new things, even though I lie to you and say I like them just to make you smile, because you make me smile, because you are literally the best person and…” Alec hesitated before he continued.

“And because I love you.” The last one got Magnus’ attention and he opened his eyes, but this time they weren’t filled with fear, but with shock and kindness. 

“What?” he whispered.

“I love you, Magnus Bane. I’m in love with you.”

“I- I can’t… I’m…I don't... I-” Magnus struggled.

“Hey,” Alec reached out and brushed some of Magnus’ hair back. “You don’t have to say it back, it’s fine. You don’t have to feel the same way. I just thought you should know.” Alec smiled and Magnus’ eyes started to water.

“It’s not that I don’t. It’s just… I’ve had some trouble with those three words. They were said to me, but they were never meant to be true. Just to manipulate.” Magnus knew Alec wasn't like them, like the people who hurt him in the past, but he just couldn't say them right now. Not in the way Alec meant them, but that didn't mean he didn't feel the same way.

Alec’s heart broke and he couldn’t do anything but pull Magnus’ against his chest. “Magnus, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered against his hair where he planted a few kisses. “I promise you, that those words are truthful to me. I don’t think anything has ever been that truthful.”

“Okay,” Magnus sighed and closed his eyes again, happy with being enveloped in Alec’s warm arms.

“I do too, though,” he silently whispered into the black of the night.

 

***

 

The sun was already shining brightly when Alec woke up again, he blinked his eyes open, but closed them the second the light became too much. He felt next to him again, but to his dislike it was empty, yet again. Nothing but cold linen sheets. He knew Magnus had woken up a few times during the night to throw up, but he didn’t know what to do. What was he supposed to do? He wanted to help so badly, to make him feel better, but he knew he couldn’t and it sucked. The night started to return in flashes through his mind. He confessed, he had actually confessed to Magnus that he loved him. And this time he was sure that he was heard, Magnus hadn’t said it back, but he couldn’t blame him. Not after everything. Alec opened his eyes again, but the light was still a little too much so he squinted them. He hadn’t expected Magnus to be there, when he looked around the room, but he was. He was sitting in one of the big chairs in front of the window. He looked upset, but thoughtful. There were still some traces of makeup on his face, Alec noticed.

“Good morning,” Alec sighed softly, not wanting to startle Magnus. Magnus seemed aware that the other man said something, but he didn’t react yet. Alec threw his legs over the edge of the bed and slowly walked towards the man.

“Magnus?” He asked.

“Hmm….” Magnus hummed. Alec squatted down next to Magnus’ chair to look at him.

“Hey,” he smiled. Magnus turned his head eventually and looked softly at him. But he didn’t miss the fear and sadness in his eyes again. Magnus eyes were really special, Alec always thought. Most of the time they were a deep brown, but sometimes, just sometimes when the light hit them just right. They turned gold. They had so much compassion in them, so much love, but also so much grief and fear. So much expression was reflected in them, that Alec almost always knew what Magnus was thinking or how he was feeling. Alec carefully cupped Magnus’ cheek and kissed him softly on the forehead. Trying to convey just as much trust, care and loyalty as Magnus would have given him.

“How are you feeling?” Alec asked as he ran his hand through Magnus’ soft hair.

“I’m okay, I think. I feel a little numb.”

“Do you want some food? Or do you think you’ll throw up again?”

“I don’t know, but only the thought of eating something already makes me nauseous. So, I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

“Touché.” Magnus reached for Alec’s hand and when Alec entwined their fingers together, Magnus started to play with them. Softly caressing them, just feeling Alec’s hand in his.

“Thank you,” Magnus said softly. His head still hanging low.

“For what?”

“Last night. Thank you for not leaving and staying with me. It meant a lot to me, you have to know that.” This time Alec caught Magnus’ eyes again, thankful that he could look at them. Even though they didn’t hold as much love, care and kindness as they did before. Alec still saw a hint of it, when he was looking at him in particular, but they were nowhere as bright as a few weeks ago.  

“It was nothing,” Alec tried.

Magnus started to shake his head in disagreement and made some noises of disapproval.

“It was, to me it meant the world. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. And just so you know, I’m not going anywhere.”

Magnus smiled shyly and looked out the window again, he stared across the busy street, just watching as the cars would drive by.

“Ragnor used to take care of me when I got like this. Every single time. He was there, patting me on the back, changing my clothes, making me tea and being there for me when I needed him most.” Alec laid down on his knees when Magnus started to talk, he squeezed their hands softly as a form of support. “After he moved to London, Catarina was there for me. She took care of me, made me tea after a nightmare, or sang to me when I got upset. She may seem a little harsh, but she never once made me feel unsafe whenever I was with her. She, as Ragnor had done, accepted me and was there for me. And after her Clary was. Sweet, innocent Clary. I still believe she is one of the kindest girls out there. She has a heart of gold, but she isn’t afraid to tell the truth,” Magnus smirked a little when he said that. “And now, now I have you.” Magnus glanced at Alec who had laid his head on Magnus’ thigh, carefully listening.

“You do. You’ll always do.” Magnus stroked Alec’s cheek softly, while the other closed his eyes for a minute, just absorbing the gesture.  
“I do. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore, I can’t think about a time when you weren’t there. I keep thinking back to the time before we met or the time we actually met. Things were so different, so much easier. I was just pretending to be okay, living my life. But then I stumbled upon you and you threw my whole world upside down. I’m not saying I mind, not one bit, but it is all so different now. I’m so different now. I know things have been hard for the both of us, but you need to know how much I appreciate you. How much I care for you. Last night meant everything to me, it just showed me that you’re there for me when I need you. Thank you for trying to cheer me up yesterday and admitting to me what you did. Thank you for not leaving me to suffer alone, thank you, because many would have.”

“I will never leave you, ever. I can’t. You helped me so much, you make me so happy, I wouldn’t dare to leave you. You’re stuck with me, Bane,” Alec teased to lighten the mood.

“I don’t mind.” Magnus smiled softly at Alec.

Alec wanted to ask him, he really did, but he didn’t know if he should. He knew that they had a bond that was build on trust, but what if he asked the wrong things. He wanted to know, so he decided to just go for it.

“Does that, what happened last night, happen a lot?”

“Sometimes. Not a lot. Whenever I get stuck in my head for too long. We’ve talked about the past remember?” Magnus waited for Alec to nod. “Yesterday was a lot, as you can imagine, but it brought some memories back. From Camille, from the public, from who I used to be. Especially the Camille part hit me hard… when she and I were together, we had a lot of good times, but we also had a lot of bad times. When I finally freed myself of her and her manipulative claws, I was relieved, I was happy and I was free. I felt as if I could do anything, because I got out before it was too late. But you see as both people with fame, we had a public relationship. So when news got out that I broke up with her, most fans took her side, because they didn’t know better. They blamed me for everything, for anything and for nothing. They said I was horrible, that I had been a terrible boyfriend, there were articles created about me cheating on Camille and about me abusing her. When that never ever happened, Camille had never even said anything about that. So it was fake, with no source, but my reputation was ruined. I became the cheater, the playboy, and when I started dating guys I became the f*g. I guess this whole situation just reminded me of that time, I just get so nauseous and sick that I throw up. Same things happens when I get hit with thoughts about Jonah. I guess it’s some sort of PTSD, but I can handle.” Magnus grew a little silent after his whole confession and Alec just kept looking at him with so much love and adoration. He wanted to question him more, but he knew Magnus had closed the conversation. “I’m sorry you have to deal with me,” Magnus whispered. The look in Alec’s eyes changed to one confusion and rage. He shot up from where his head was laying on Magnus’ lap and turned Magnus towards him.

“No, we’re not going to do this. You are a beautiful human being that has had to deal with the worst people for too long. You are not to blame for what happened to you, absolutely not. Do you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“Well good.” They both looked at each other for a while, but they soon were interrupted by Simon and Izzy who stormed into the room.

“Good you’re up.” Izzy smiled. “We have something to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it please leave a kudo or comment on here, since it is my only way of finding out if people actually like what I write.
> 
> Next up: "You filmed the whole thing?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!! Thank you to all the people who have been so patient with me, but the end is finally near. This whole story has been such a furiating, but also honest experience for me. All the things I've wanted to do, weren't entirely done how I imagined them, but somehow I still like it... It's not the best, or the worst (at least I hope so), but It's mine :) I hope you're going to be happy with this chapter, it has taken me a while to write it, but it's a little longer than normally. I know I'm not the quickest writer, or updater, but thanks anyway for sticking with me.  
> There are still two chapters to come and I hope I'll make them amazing, I need to tie up some loose ends and make sure I end it in a good way (even though it's not going to be how I imagined it to end). So, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and are still excited to see more. 
> 
> This chapter starts right where it has left off and we'll see some more of Magnus' struggle with the decisions he has to make, we see an old face and a possibility for some more drama. 
> 
> Ps. something may or may not finally happen.

“You filmed the whole thing?” Magnus exclaimed after Simon told them the thing he wanted to tell them since last night. Simon, the idiot or brave hero (whatever you prefer), had filmed the entire interview on his phone. Too proud of Izzy for finally getting this interview and wanting to cherish the moment. Of course the interviewer hadn’t noticed and Simon had got away with it and well, he honestly forgot that he had done it after all the things that happened.

“Yes, I forgot, but I did. The entire thing, is right here on my phone…” Simon looked a little guilty as he held his phone in the air, showing a thumbnail that was familiar. Magnus didn’t really know how to respond, he had been throwing up all night, been incredibly self-conscious and was reliving his entire past in only a few hours. It seemed a little too much for him to handle, as he started to feel nauseous again. He sat down on the closest chair and put his head in his hands, not knowing what to do. He didn’t want to talk about this, not right now, not ever. He just wanted to forget it all happened and just let people think what they want to about him. Even though it still seemed to bother him, he just didn’t want to get into it, again. The media was going to think what they wanted to.

“Magnus! Do you realize what this means?” Izzy almost screamed at him. “We could clear your name, they’ll see that you are the one being falsely accused. We have to upload it, Simon has already an idea as to how. We just need your approval to do it…”

“You won’t get it,” Magnus murmured silently into his hands.

“What?! Why not?” Izzy walked over to him and kneeled in front of him.

“Because I’m not stooping as low as she is, we are not releasing it. Period.”

“What do you mean?”

“Releasing it, will just shine some more light on it, what I don’t want. We’re not going to do it. I’m not ruining her career for the sake of mine, even though she’s been horrible, I just can’t. What if it won’t turn out the way you want it to? People will somehow still try to manipulate this and turn it against me, so don’t bother,” Magnus sighed defeatedly.

“How could they ever do that? You clearly are being wrongfully accused right now! Why aren’t you thrilled about this?”

“Because I’ve been through this hundreds of times!” Magnus got up from his seat and raised his voice. “Because people are always going to believe what they want to! I’m not going to get into this again, I’m not and that is final.”

”You know this isn’t just about you right? This is about the show too, what if people won’t watch it because of this?”

“Izzy!” Alec scolded his little sister, which made her look him in the eye. He was glaring at her full force, but she didn’t seem to care.

 “Because I’m sick of it, of it all, I’m sick of this whole fucking thing!” Magnus yelled.

“Magnus, I get it.”

“No, Isabelle you don’t get it. You may think you do, but you don’t. You’ve never had this happen to you, ever! You don’t know what it’s like to have the media paint you in a disgusting light, just because they fucking want to. I know you think you have some experience now, but you don’t, not in the slightest.”

“What the hell do you know about that, huh?” she bit back at Magnus. “We can show them, that all of that bullshit isn’t true, why the hell wouldn’t you take that?” Izzy looked around the room, but nobody said a thing. Catarina and Clary were stood in the corner, with their mouth closed, Simon was too afraid to speak up and Alec, Alec looked at her with fury in his eyes. She had never seen him that angry, ever. Well, except for the times whenever someone had hurt her, but still. She never experienced what it would be like to be on the receiving end of that look, she didn’t like it one bit.

“I just want to help, Magnus. I want to help you and the image of our show, I want people to see that what they’re saying isn’t true! That what they think is wrong,” Izzy tried once more.

“I don’t want help, Isabelle. I just want to be left alone.”

“Then let me leak it, let me make it better. Then you’ll be left alone.”

“I don’t want to hear anything about this anymore.” Magnus looked around the room of people, giving Catarina and Clary a look and strolled over to the door. Alec caught up with him and wrapped his fingers around his wrist, pulling him back to make him turn and look at him.

“Hey, we’ll figure this out, okay? Please just stay..” he whispered softly, so only Magnus could hear.

“I.. uhm.. I think- I think I need some air,” Magnus muttered with a tremor in his voice, never had Alec heard him speak with such uncertainty of not knowing what to do. Alec tried to scan Magnus’ face, to make sure there wasn’t something else going on, but Magnus avoided his eyes.

“Magnus… we all care about you, please just let us figure it out with you,” Alec voiced.

“I’m sorry, Alec. It’s just.. too much right now, I need to be alone for a little while. Please?” Magnus pulled his arm away from Alec’s hold and walked out of the apartment leaving a gaping Alec behind.

“Alec, I’m sorry,” Izzy started, her voice full of distress. “I didn’t mean-”

“That’s the thing with you, isn’t it? You never mean to do anything!” Alec yelled as he turned towards her.

“Hey! That is not true and you know it, I just wanted to help. I’m sorry, Alec!”

“Sorry doesn’t do it, Izzy. It doesn’t make Magnus feel any better right now.”

“Alec! Now is not the time to start yelling at each other,” Clary chimed in and came to stand next Izzy, wrapping an arm around the obviously upset Izzy. Alec looked over at the table and saw Magnus’ shiny phone laying there.

“Fuck he forgot his phone..” Alec looked back at the door and wanted to follow him so badly.

“I’m sorry,” Izzy said once more.

“It’s just that, If you would’ve shut your mouth..” Alec said a lot more calm than before.

“I didn’t meant to make him leave, okay? I – just, I don’t know..” Alec took a deep breath and calmed his mind. He walked over towards Izzy and pulled her into a hug, seeing how upset she had gotten.

“I’m sorry I yelled Iz. I’m just worried.” She wrapped her slims arms around Alec and held him tighter.

“I know,” she whispered against his chest.

“Magnus has been sick all night, has been having horrid dreams and memories come back to him and now… now he walked out without his phone, and I don’t even know where to,” he continued explaining once he pulled back from their embrace.

“He has been having dreams again?” Catarina asked in a soft voice.

“Yes, he has. He was throwing up all night, he said it happened more often?”

“Yeah, after he gets stuck in his head for a little too long,” Clary chimed in.

“He said the same thing,” Alec chuckled.

“Oh god.. then today isn’t going to be a good day,” Catarina stated.

“What do you mean?” Alec angled his head while looking confused.

“Whenever he gets like that, he doesn’t get it for like one night, but it’s a full on week most of the times. He tries to shake it off, but he says he always feels so lifeless afterwards,” Clary explained.

“Oh god..” Alec sighed.

“He is going to be okay, Alec. I’m positive, he isn’t stupid, just a little troubled,” Catarina reassured.

“I hope so..”

 

***

 

Ughh…. Why did everything involving him have to be so difficult? Magnus honestly couldn’t understand. His whole life it had been this way, it could never just be simple. His career, his family, his love life, it always had to be messed up in some type of way. It was and never could be easy. He knew he shouldn’t have been so cranky back at the loft, but he just couldn’t help it. He had no sleep last night, been worrying none stop and had been sick hours long. He just needed some air, to just go away for a while. Everything just seemed so overwhelming, even things with Alec. Love, what even was that? Magnus questioned. He thought he experienced it, but it always turned out to be something else. Wasn’t it supposed to be simple and easy, supposed to stay with you and make you feel good? Then why did he feel nauseous and uncertain, the complete opposite of what he was supposed to feel like. Maybe it wasn’t Alec, maybe it was just this whole situation. He did wanted to say it last night, he was pretty sure he felt it last night, hell, he was pretty sure he felt it this morning. But he had been wrong before, hadn’t he? He thought he was in love with Camille, and look how that turned out. Was it worth the trouble?

Ugh… why couldn’t his thoughts just be silent for one simple second. Just to stop thinking about every single thing that needed a decision. Just to stop thinking in general. Maybe he should just think about the cold air against his naked arms or maybe he should think about the busy street he was crossing, or about where the hell he was going. He didn’t know that last one, another decision to make. After walking for a while, he had to end up somewhere, right? He thought back to his conversation with Izzy and realized he had been a little unfair to her, but did she honestly think he didn’t think about the show? Did she not know how guilty he felt for giving it a bad name, just because it was attached to him?

All these questions were circling each other in his head, not one at a time, but all at once. All screaming inside his head at once, screaming that they needed to be answered, screaming that Magnus needed to do at least something, that he couldn’t hide from them any longer. But he wanted to live in denial, at least for a little while. He wanted to just lay in bed, wrap himself up in a blanket, close his eyes and pray for a better tomorrow. A tomorrow that didn’t leave him with this hollow feeling in his chest, that didn’t leave him with these limps that felt like they were made of stone, that didn’t leave him with questions about Alec, but with answers to all the things he wanted to ask. The confusing part about his whole thing with Alec was, that it wasn’t confusing. He knew what he wanted, he knew it the second he confessed to Cat, but why didn’t it happen yet. What was standing in his way, what constantly caused them to not be together? Was it too late, by now? Had he ruined it by walking away, without giving Alec a chance to come with.

_No._

He couldn’t believe that, he wouldn’t believe that. Alec was different and will always be different. They were fine, they couldn’t not be, not after last night. And so on all of his previous thoughts came rushing back. Until he reached his destination, without knowing that it brought him here. He stood right in front of Alec’s apartment door, with a heavy key in his pocket that he had gotten a few weeks ago just in case, about to open it. He wasn’t sure why he was here, maybe it was because no one else was, or maybe it was because he just needed something of Alec’s right now. He opened the door with a heavy heart, but was greeted by a sight he hadn’t realized would be there.

 

***

 

“Hi,” Jace said awkwardly, when he saw Magnus standing in the doorway. He was wearing a grey hoodie, black sweatpants and had a bowl of chips in his hand. Which he put on the table as he turned back to Magnus.

“I did not realize you would be here,” Magnus murmured as he still stood frozen in the doorway.

“I did not realize Alec gave you a key to our apartment…” Jace answered.

“I got it a few weeks ago.”

“Great…” The air between them felt charged with uncomfortable energy, they never had really talked about, well, anything. Just some glances at each other, some ‘hi’s’ here and there and a few waves back and forth. But never did they actually talk, if you would forgot those few moments between them when Magnus just started to hang out with Alec. And well, one awkward morning, when he had accused him of sleeping with Alec while he was in a vulnerable state.

“I guess, I’ll go,” Magnus finally moved and wanted to pull the door closed again, as he stepped out of the apartment. But before he could do that, Jace protested.

“You can wait here.” Magnus heard him say, but wasn’t really sure if he heard it right. He looked at Jace with a quizzical look on hi face as he stepped inside the apartment once more.

“I could call Alec for you, if you like. Let him know you’re here and everything.”

“Why?” Magnus asked with maybe too much hostility in his voice.  
“Because I’m pretty sure he would want to know where you are, since you’re so close and everything. He wouldn’t want you to be waiting for him.”  
“I mean, why are you being so nice all of the sudden?”

Jace took a deep breath and turned around to face Magnus again. “Because you’re clearly very important to my brother and I don’t want him to hate me. So, I thought I should be nice to you..”

“Wow, just because your brother said so? I feel fucking honored.”

“I’m trying to be nice here, what is your deal?” Jace asked annoyed.

“What is my deal? You’ve been nothing but hostile to me and have never even wanted to hold up a conversation with me, ever. Even though your brother asked you to be nice. What has changed?” Magnus bit back, as he knew that Jace was lying about at least something.

“Maybe I realized I have been a complete dick to the guy my brother likes, okay? Maybe I realized I should’ve actually supported him like a brother should’ve. Maybe I realized that I can’t do shit without him and I can’t bear the thought of him thinking I don’t approve of him. Okay? That has changed!”

“I still don’t hear an apology..” Magnus smirked as he challenged the boy once more, knowing it would piss him off just a little bit more. He wasn’t going to let him off the hook this easy, even though he was being genuine.

“I really can’t believe my brother likes you,” Jace grumbled. “I’m incredibly sorry for how I treated you, because you didn’t deserve that. I never should’ve judged you by the things said in the media. I should’ve put effort into getting to know you in person, without getting involved in the toxicity of fame. I’m sorry, Magnus.” Magnus let the door slam shut when he heard Jace’s apology and started to hang up his coat on the rack that was on the right side of the door. He pulled his shoes off and placed them next to the door, he got a glass from the table and poured himself a drink that was stood on the table, probably from Jace. He went to sit on the couch and took a first sip. Sighing at the familiar taste of scotch.

“Okay. I accept your apology, but only because you realized you were a dick. And well, considering your chances, you won’t get any with Clary anymore,” he teased, which made Jace glare at him, but he did the same as Magnus did. He grabbed a glass, poured himself a drink and sat with him on the couch.

“Alec always says I shouldn’t drink before 11:00….”

“It’s happy hour somewhere, my friend.” The clunk their glasses and drank in silence. Never in a million years would Magnus have thought to be having a drink with Jace ‘douchebag’ Herondale. But here he was sitting in silence with the person who had never even looked at him in a kind way, but maybe he had just been protective, not knowing he shouldn’t have been. Magnus could never do, what others have done. He didn’t have the heart to actually break someone else’s, as he got his broken so many times. He saw Jace look at him a few times in the corner of his eyes, but he decided not to react. Until he started to open his mouth.

“Where is Alec anyway? I thought he was with you,” Jace asked? No, he kind of stated it.

“We.. uh.. I had a tough night, that brought back some terrible memories and well, I needed some air and think about some things. Alec actually was one of those things, among others...” Magnus twirled his finger around the glass he was holding, trying to seem nonchalant.

“Yeah.. I saw what happened on twitter, I’m sorry about that, dude.”

“First of _dude_? Second of, you don’t agree with them?”

“Of course I don’t, even I can spot an edited video. I’m pretty sure you haven’t said, or were manipulated to say, those things according to Izzy’s response… and Clary’s.” Magnus raised an eyebrow at Jace.

“Okay, yes I still follow her, sue me. The bottom line is, I misjudged you once, I wasn’t going to do it again. I’m pretty sure Alec has told you about my past..”

“Not really,” Magnus admitted.

“Well, it was pretty fucked up, to put lightly. I had a hard time trusting people after that, particularly people who are in the same industry as you are. And well that is why I initially was a little wary of you,” Jace honestly said. He didn’t hear Magnus murmur ‘a little?’ though.

“But I’d like to think I’ve learned from it and well, I’m trying to do better and since you’re one of the most important people in Alec’s life, I thought I should start with you.”

“That is actually kind of nice of you to do, but I wouldn’t call myself one of the most important people in Alec’s life.”

“Trust me, you are. If not the most, you would have to fight Izzy for that title. In all my time knowing Alec, I have never, and I’m serious, never have seen him as happy as he is with you.”

“Then why aren’t we together yet?” Magnus blurted out before he knew it.

“Because you’re both idiots.”

“I thought you were trying to be nice.”

“I am, listen Magnus. Alec isn’t really good with relationships, and from what I’ve heard, not judging, you aren’t either. So either you mope around for another month, or you just go for it. We both know you guys would be one heck of a couple. I’m pretty sure you’re already in a relationship at this point.”

“Alec talks about us with you?”

“Not often, after all the shit I’ve said, I don’t blame him… but I know when my brother gets it bad, he hasn’t had it this bad, ever.”

“I know about his feelings, Jace. He even told me he loved me…”

“He did?”

“Yes.”

“Did you say it back?”

“I couldn’t exactly say it back, it’s a bit difficult. But he knows how I feel.”

“Then what are you waiting for? A sign, a miraculous universal sign to actually go for it? Wake up, that sort of thing doesn’t exist.”

“What a hopeless romantic, you are,” Magnus rolled his eyes and finished his drink before putting it on the table. “Can’t believe I’m talking about love with Jace Herondale… that’s a low point in my life.”

“Well, at least I am willing to take risks.”

“It’s not that easy, golden boy! I have to take things into account. It’s not just me, he’s going to get, it’s everyone. It’s the media, my fans, my managers, Catarina, everything. Just think about the things they would say, they would do, I’m not sure I can handle it all that well, so what is Alec going to do. He already had issues with that, I don’t know if he can handle it when we actually are dating.”

“As long as you’ll be with him, I’m pretty sure he’ll be okay. I just think you’re too scared to actually act on your feelings.”

“You know what? I liked it better when we didn’t talk.”

“I’ll tell you what, I’m going to let Alec know you’re here, while you’ll stay here complaining on the couch. Be prepared, because he will be here in a heartbeat. Figure out what you’re going to do, Bane. And don’t make the wrong decision.”

“Well, that sure doesn’t make me feel pressured at all,” Magnus said with a sarcastic undertone.

 

_“Alec? Hi, um… someone is here to see you.”_

_“It’s Magnus.”_

_“No, I didn’t do anything to him!”_ Magnus couldn’t help but give in to the smile that appeared on this face, he could always count on Alec to do that.

_“You have no faith, brother.”_

 

***

 

As Jace had predicted, Alec was there in a nick of time, he probably ran since he was out of breath the moment he opened the door. He caught up a little before he turned his attention on Magnus. Before Magnus knew what was going on, he was pulled in by two strong arms and crushed against Alec’s chest.

“I was so worried, Magnus. I thought you were done with us, with me.”

“Alexa-,” Magnus tried to interrupt.

“You forgot your phone and your wallet, so I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to reach you and I was freaking out… Izzy was so upset, she really didn’t mean all that she said. She is so sorry. And then Clary told me that after nights like last night, you don’t feel well for a few days, so I started to worry even more-”

“Alec..”

“And I’m still so sorry for what Izzy said, I’m so sorry. She had no right to, she didn’t think about it. She’s just sometimes not as tactful, but she means well.”

“Alexander!” Magnus exclaimed when he decided he wanted to say something as well. He pushed Alec abruptly away and stared into his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry that I freaked you out, I didn’t mean to do that. I just needed a little space, alone. I never meant for you to worry, I’m so sorry,” Magnus admitted.

“Hey,” Alec softly said, whilst he cupped Magnus’ cheek with one of his hands. “It’s fine, you needed some time alone, it’s fine, Magnus.” As Magnus looked back up to Alec’s hazel eyes he wondered if he ever saw more beautiful ones. Magnus always wondered how he could see everything Alec stood for in his eyes, how he could always see the love and devotion Alec had in them. He supposed Alec’s eyes were something special, something different. Which was strange because they were just eyes, but every time he looked at them, he just felt at peace. As if they would hold all the answers, give him that last piece of hope he needed or give him the strength he had hidden deep down. It was a weird thing to explain, to have to explain to someone how  a person could make you feel so safe with just one look. But Alec did, he always did. He just stared, gazed, looked or glanced at Magnus and he would feel accepted, loved even. Maybe that’s what drew him in the first time, even when they barely knew each other. Maybe that’s why he was so incredibly disappointed by Alec when he didn’t keep the promise his eyes had told him. But now, he only saw love in them. Especially when they looked at Magnus, which made him feel so utterly special like no one else did. Alec wasn’t just anybody, hell, he had proven that these past months. He promised to prove Magnus that he wasn’t who he thought he was, and that promise was kept. Magnus got to know the real Alec, the honest Alec. The Alec that would comfort him, that would defend him, that would hold him when he felt like falling. And now looking him in the eye again, he couldn’t see anything other than trust and devotion displayed in them. Yeah, this one wasn’t going away, Magnus decided.

Magnus wrapped his arms tighter around Alec’s waist and hugged him close this time, he wanted to somehow show his appreciation for everything Alec was. He felt Alec’s strong arms wrap around his shoulders once more and Magnus just let out one of the most contented sighs. He was just happy and not confused anymore. Not when he would simultaneously feel better, if Alec so much as looked at him. This couldn’t be anything but… the word Magnus was terrified of, but now with Alec in his arms he wasn’t afraid. He would never be afraid as long as Alec stood by him, holding his hand.

“I’m sorry, Alec. I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m so sorry.”

“What did I say?” Alec mumbled as he pulled away from where his head was rested against Magnus’. “It’s okay, Magnus.”

“I’m still sorry, and I know it wasn’t okay, but I don’t feel like arguing..”

“Are you tired?” Alec asked, while his voice adorably cracked.

“A little, today has been a lot. As was this whole week… I don’t know, maybe tomorrow will be better.”

“Maybe,” Alec encouraged, he now noticed Jace in the room and worriedly looked between him and Magnus. “He didn’t say anything to upset you, right?” Magnus hesitated a little, a little too long for Alec’s liking and Alec immediately started yelling at Jace.

“Jace, I swear to god, if you said anything to upset him. I’m gonna rip out your throat!”

“Chill, bro. I did no such thing.” Jace held his hands up in the air. Magnus tried to gain Alec’s attention again, by grabbing his chin between his fingers and forcing him to look at him.

“No, we actually had a great talk.” Magnus let go of Alec and  looked behind him to see Jace lounging on the couch again, glaring up at Alec. Magnus winked once Jace noticed his stare, they really did have a good talk. For once.

“Really?” Alec confusedly asked.

“Yeah, he was actually decent.”

“Hey!” Jace protested. “Whatever…”

“Let’s go into my bedroom, to have a little bit more privacy..” Alec whispered to Magnus. As they started to walk towards it, Jace had one final thing to say.

“Use protection!” Jace shouted, but shut up when he saw Alec’s furious face looking straight back at him. 

“So Jace was an actual human being?” Alec asked once they were seated on the bed together.

“Yeah, I couldn’t believe it at first too…” Magnus joked. “But it was nice talking to him, actually. He made some valid points.”

“About?”

“The things I had to clear my head for.”

“Which include?”

“Are you a little curious, Mr. Lightwood?” Magnus teased and poked Alec in his side.

“NO!” Alec responded defensively. “I just didn’t know why you wouldn’t want me to go with you, I was trying to figure it out.”

Magnus sighed at Alec’s confession, but didn’t want to tell him the full truth either. He entwined their fingers together as Alec looked at him with those big eyes, waiting for an explanation.

“Alexander, after everything that happened recently, everything I’ve had to think about, I just needed some time alone. I needed space to think and well, if you want it or not, you were one of those things.” Alec was taken back a little and Magnus reassured him that it wasn’t bad. “I just had to think about us and everything that has been going through my mind lately, which included you.”

“Magnus, I know things have been difficult as you’ve said, but come on…. I know you know that you could never get rid of me. Even if you didn’t feel the same, even if you can’t say it back, even if you can’t right now. I’m here for you, Magnus. As long as you’ll have me.”

And in that moment he realized something: Being with Alec was easy. It had always been. It wasn’t as difficult as he liked to pretend, it was easy. He only realized now. He was just too scared to admit it, too scared to fall for Alec, even though he already did. Because being with Alec would mean, being in a relationship that could probably go on forever and Magnus didn’t know how to feel about that. He wanted it, like no one else, but it terrified him. The mere idea of letting someone accept and break him open one day at a time, terrified him. But he couldn’t withhold it anymore, he couldn’t let this fear take over. So he did the only thing that was remotely logical.

 He slowly cupped Alec’s face between his delicate fingers, that were shaking from the nervousness he felt. He caressed Alec’s light stubble, that he always adored, scratching it slightly, feeling the touch on his skin. Alec looked curiously at Magnus with those big hazels just staring back at him, so trusting and beautiful. He wanted to tell Alec, all that he meant to him, all that he was for him, but maybe words weren’t enough this time. They had had this conversation so many times already, over and over again. So, maybe it wasn’t the time for talking, it sure felt like it wasn’t. The energy between them was charged and Magnus felt a pull towards Alec, the same pull he felt every time they were so close to each other. He wanted to so badly, but he didn’t know if he should… He looked down at Alec’s lips, as if they were going to give him the answer of what to do. They were silent, but once Alec peeked his tongue out to wet his lips a bit, Magnus couldn’t resist. He looked back at Alec, just to make sure he was interpreting it right, but when he saw the anticipation in Alec’s eyes and the want in them, he moved closer. They were now a breath apart and Magnus slowly but securely closed the gap, until their lips were pressed together.

They both stilled a little as they let it happen, but once the first press was done, Alec started to move his lips against Magnus’. Oh, so soft and oh, so gentle. Magnus moved in a little closer, just to press further into Alec, just to get closer. The hand that was cupping Alec’s cheek, slowly began to wrap around Alec’s neck, holding him close. As the kiss deepened Magnus felt himself become more relaxed by the minute, it just felt so easy to him, to be like this with Alec. He tried to convey every single word that he felt into this one moment, hoping that Alec would understand what he meant to Magnus. In that minute it was just the two of them, just Magnus and Alec, pressed together on the edge of Alec’s bed, finally having the moment they both waited for. And just like Magnus had thought, it felt natural to be like this with Alec, to have him kiss him with such certainty and such care. Alec moved his hand a little down Magnus’ back and Magnus shivered from the touch of Alec, lingering all over his body, but still focusing on the moving lips that were so tightly pressed against his. Once the heart-shattering kiss was over, they were both a little out of breath. Magnus gazed up at Alec, who was blinking like he had never expected this.

“That was new,” he commented and Magnus burst out laughing.

“Yeah, it was,” Magnus smiled at Alec with twinkles in his eyes, but he still felt a little lifeless, even though the kiss had given him a boost. “I’m tired,” he commented. Alec clasped their hands together and led Magnus over to the bed, he laid him down gently and settled beside him on the bed. He pulled Magnus’ head on top of his chest and placed his fingers into Magnus’ hair.

“Then we sleep.”

“But it’s still early afternoon..”

“You’re tired, so we’re going to sleep.”

“Okay.”

 

And just when everything seemed to fall in to place, Alec’s phone started to buzz in the other room. Without anyone answering.

 

_This is Alec, I’m not available at the moment, please leave a message after the beep._

_Beeeeeeepppp_

_“Hey, um Alec it’s Maia. I’m afraid I can’t reach you, and I’ve tried to a couple of times. I know you need to take care of yourself right now, and I hope you are! But I needed you to hear it from me and not find out when you come back. It’s kind of…. Not necessarily bad, but it’s not good. Luke has come to a decision about the case and well, you’re not going to like it. Luke has been in contact with Claire and she would like for us to uhm… I don’t know how to say this to you, or to myself for that matter. Claire wants to drop the case, and Luke does too. She wants to move on, Alec, and you can’t blame her. I’m sorry. Please call me back when you’ll hear this, I hope you’re doing okay. I miss and love you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't expect to put this in this chapter, but it kinda came to me, I just couldn't not write it. Hope you liked it and if you did, please leave a kudo, a comment or your thoughts xx


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, long time no see :) I'm sorry I'm not a great updater, but everything in my life is just so hectic lately. I have to think about school, work, my mental health and whatnot. But thank you to all who are still chiming in and reading this fic. 
> 
> So the end is near, only one chapter left!!! When I began writing this fic I had no idea that this would be the way it turned out. I had envisioned so many things, I had written some lines or dialogue and I just thought I had this whole thing figured out. Boy, was I wrong. I really do not know how this turned out the way it did, but I'm not really mad at it. Like, I know it's not the best story ever and it be better with some consistency, but I'm still learning and I've only been writing for a year, so I think this was really good practise. I'm proud of how much I've written the last year and it's actually pretty cool to see how my writing has changed (for the better, hopefully).  
> Also I had an idea, maybe some could leave a comment saying what you've really enjoyed about this fic or what you liked. You can type a quote or something (anything), I know it would make me tremendously happy. You don't have to if you don't want to, absolutely not. I just thought it would be nice to hear some opinions and see what other people liked. This is in no way meant to be a ego booster, I just wanted to know what people liked about my story, get some insights. (the negatives I can come up with myself, trust me;))
> 
> So about this chapter, it's actually a quite long one (at least to me) and it's mostly filled by Alec and Magnus scenes. They are talking more, communicating, things happen and once again we'll see that they are stronger together. They work together well, are there for each other and will always support one another. This chapter is mostly focused on Alec, since the last few were more about Magnus. I hope you'll enjoy xx
> 
> Trigger warning: Another panic attack is described, again based on personal experiences and if you get panic attacks easily, you can skip the third part. I didn't really felt affected by this part, but please tread lightly.

He couldn’t say it felt unfamiliar, waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to sleep any further before his thoughts caught up to him. But one thing that he would never get used to was feeling Alec’s body, radiating heat, beside him. He would never not be taken by surprise by anything Alec, breaking his walls down, displaying his heart on a silver platter, actually being honest with Magnus. No, that feeling would never be familiar to him. It wasn’t like they hadn’t ended up in this position before, laying next to each other when absolutely exhausted, but still Magnus couldn’t seem to wrap his head around Alec. How different he was from every single person he had met, how could someone be so caring all the time? He appreciatively looked him over, from his toes to the top of his head, until his gaze fixated itself on the plump lips that were so gentle and delicate. He kissed those, he remembered. He had finally got the courage and kissed them, with Alec pressing their lips even closer together. It was magical, even though that sounds really cheesy, Magnus debated in his mind.

“Did that really happen?” Magnus murmured mostly to himself, he didn’t think there would be a response, but there was.

“Can’t be really sure, since it literally felt like a dream…” Alec fluttered his eyes open and looked at Magnus with a dreamy expression in his eyes, as if this was the only sight he would ever want to wake up to.

“Hi…” Magnus whispered as he looked at Alec’s big doe eyes, that were blinking the sleep away. “I’m sorry if I woke you,” Magnus murmured as he reached out and twirled some of Alec’s hair between his fingers. 

“Hmmm..” Alec hummed appreciatively as he nuzzled towards Magnus’ hand. “It’s okay.”

“Good..”

“What’s the time?”

“About 3 am,” Magnus looked over Alec at the clock, just to make sure.

“And you are awake because….?” Alec muttered sleepily.

“Because I woke up,” Magnus deadpanned.

“Yeah, that is kind of a given..”

“I don’t know honestly, I haven’t had the best sleep schedule for a while actually. So… I don’t know, but I don’t mind. I’m not tired.”

“Yeah, well I am.”

“Then sleep,” Magnus whispered as he leaned further towards Alec.

“No way, you look too beautiful like this in the moonlight,” Alec teased.

“That’s sweet, dear. But if you want to sleep, then sleep,” Magnus said lowly.

“Only if you sleep with me,” Alec teased.

“I don’t want to go back to sleep, at least not for now… I just want to lay here, with you.”

“Okay, then we’ll do that,” the taller man agreed.

“Alexander,” Magnus started and Alec quickly looked his way. “You need your rest, just let me lay here for a while, when you’ll get your well deserved sleep.”

“Okay, but now I’m all fired up… so you want to talk about something?”

“Not me, you?”

“Not really,” Alec replied.

“Me too, you know more about me than most do.” Magnus looked down at his fingers that were playing with the linen sheets in a nervous gesture.

“How come?” Alec asked with a sense of innocence in his voice.

“You’re easy to talk to. You just have this look in your eyes, telling me you’ll actually listen. I never had that with anyone, most just wanted me to shut up. Friends included, like Catarina would listen, but with you it’s on a whole new level,” Magnus confided.

“I’ll always be here if you want to talk, Magnus.” Alec swiftly grabbed Magnus’ hand in between his, fiddling with his soft fingers.

“I know,” Magnus sighed softly and reached over to where Alec was looking at him, he softly kissed him on the forehead after brushing some hair out of his face. Alec’ sleepy eyes were once again staring at him, as if Magnus expected anything else at this point. “You can also talk to me, you know. About everything.”

Alec shuffled uncomfortably and moved his body down a bit, not yet looking Magnus in the eye. When he finally did, Magnus was staring at him intently. “I know, Magnus.”

“Good,” Magnus commented. “That’s good.”

“I’m getting a little sleepy,” Alec yawned.

“I told you, you should go to sleep.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t feeling well… I could tell since I know you pretty well,” Alec said with a cheeky smile.

“I am feeling a little better,” Magnus said with a smile as he poked Alec’s side playfully.

“But I can still hear you thinking, those wheels are churning again,” Alec chuckled.

“Yeah, maybe, but I can’t really help it.”

Alec yawned once again and his eyes slowly started to droop again.

“For god’s sake, Alexander. Go to sleep!”

“Fine,” Alec grumbled as he pulled up his pillow. “If you promise me you’ll be alright.”

“I’ll be alright,” Magnus whispered as Alec closed his eyes. He let Alec snuggle further up against him and smiled at the boy. He somehow looked so young right now, void of worries and concerns, just Alec, sleeping as if he had no demons hiding in the shadows of the night. Magnus hoped he could relate someday, because he knew Alec had it difficult at times, but somehow he could turn it all off and just sleep. Maybe it wasn’t what it looked like, maybe Alec still had his worries going through his mind, but he just looked so at peace. Magnus thoughts were always arguing in his mind, speaking over the other, complaining about every other little thing Magnus had done wrong that day, but as he looked at the beautiful man that was lying next to him, he could pretend there was nothing else to think about. He could stay still for a moment and just enjoy the now.

“Good night, Alexander.” Magnus whispered as he pressed a kiss close to Alec’s hairline, lingering a bit before laying further down and closing his eyes himself.

 

***

 

Magnus fluttered his heavy eyelids open when he was rudely woken up by a sunray that directly shone in his eyes. He saw he hadn’t closed the curtains all the way, so it was basically his own fault, or Alec’s. He would blame it on Alec, for sure. Magnus looked beside him where Alec was still snoring softly. He stared at the clock and realized he had gotten a decent amount of sleep after being woken up earlier. Guess staring at Alec was his new sleep mantra. He got out of the bed as smoothly and silently as possible, as Alec was a light sleeper and seemed to be on high alert whenever it would involve Magnus. But right now, he deserved his sleep, the week had been nothing but hectic and Alec deserved to finally get some rest. To take a breath and let those overwhelming feelings go. Today Magnus could handle his own stuff, Alec needed to load up his energy. Magnus knew for a fact that Alec would try to cheer Magnus up in any type of way or form and the crazy part was, that he didn’t even need to ask. He didn’t even ask for support, kindness and loyalty, but he still somehow got it. He tipped toed towards the door, after he had pulled on a robe that was hanging over the end of the bed. It was dark blue, but so soft, clearly Alec’s taste. Magnus opened the creaking door with ease and closed it as quietly as possible. He let out a sigh as he didn’t hear anything coming from the room, he strolled over to the kitchen in desperate search for some coffee. A man needed his caffeine before even thinking of doing something useful that day. At least that’s what Magnus felt like. He had to wait a little for the coffee to be ready, once he had put on the coffeemaker, so his mind tried to bring back all the memories of yesterday and last night. And once all of that came back to him, he couldn’t help but smile. Alec was really something and never in a million years would he have thought that he could ever feel as happy as he felt then. He felt relieved, elated and ready to finally admit to his feelings. He loved Alec, he really did, like he never had before. This was the toe-curling, bellyaching, heart-pounding, can’t-help-smiling kind of love. He could honestly admit that he never felt safer with anyone in his entire life,  if he could spend his eternity with one person only, it wouldn’t be hard to choose. While Magnus was still dreaming away, his coffee was finally done. He carefully took a sip and instantly felt the effects of caffeine working. He strolled over to the couch where he found a tiny note from Jace saying he was staying with someone else to make sure they had some privacy. It was a nice gesture, Magnus thought. Jace and him still had their differences, but at least they were almost on the same page now. Certainly when it came to Alec. He was kinda glad to clear the air between them, because he could still feel the tension whenever they were in the same room and it mustn’t have been great for Alec to experience. After all he still cares deeply for his dickhead brother, Magnus realized.

As he was reading the little note, his eye caught something blinking in the back. He looked over and saw Alec’s phone, probably full with notifications. He reached over and unlocked it, because somehow he still remembered his password after Alec had shown it to him once. They both knew each other’s and they both didn’t really care what the other did with that information, so it wasn’t a really big deal. Magnus saw a few messages from Izzy here and there, a few from Jace and a voicemail from Maia. Hmm…. What could it be? He questioned. His curiosity was killing him, even though he wasn’t going to open it. It could be related to them hanging out, or anything else, but something in him told him that it was about work. But he still didn’t listen to it. He went on Twitter, as Alec had it still installed, and searched for his name. It wasn’t a good idea, it was definitely not a good idea, but yet he still did it. He was just curious to what they were saying. Did people want to forgive him? Were they cooling down? But he only found spiteful comments, comments that were so painfully wrong that he still couldn’t help but feel upset. Why was he even looking? He knew what would come of it. Maybe he had the slightest bit of hope, that maybe the interviewer had apologized or whatever. No such luck. As Magnus zoned out he looked at the notification from the voicemail again. Maybe he should listen to it, what if it would upset Alec, but on the other hand Alec had a right to know if it was anything concerning his work.

“Hey,” Magnus heard a soft voice say behind him. Decision made. “Anything interesting?” Alec asked, as he pointed at the screen that was still filled with hateful comments, voice still heavy with sleep.

“No…”

“I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t do that anymore.”

“I just couldn’t help it, Alexander…” Magnus whined.

“There was a reason why we deleted Twitter from your phone,” Alec retorted.

“I know, okay. I know,” Magnus sighed ashamed.

“Did I have any messages?” Alec asked after gracefully throwing himself on the couch.

“Just a few messages from Isabelle, don’t worry I haven’t looked. There was one that kind of caught my eye though,” Magnus mumbled as he passed the phone to Alec.

Alec looked at the screen and his eyes widened in surprise.

“Maia?” he whispered mostly to himself.

“What do you think it’s about?” Magnus asked.

“Obviously about work, normally she’ll just text me to tell me something.”

“Do you want to listen to it?”

“It’s obviously important.”

“You don’t know that,” Magnus debated.  
“She wouldn’t leave a voicemail if it wasn’t,” Alec argued.

“If you don’t want to listen to it, you don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Then you can.”

Alec hesitated a little, while staring at the screen. He wasn’t exactly sure if he actually wanted to, he knew he needed to, but was it what he wanted to? He asked himself.

“I’m scared,” Alec finally confessed. Magnus reached over and grabbed Alec’s hand, he squeezed softly to give Alec some reassurance.

“It’s probably fine, darling.”

“Okay, I’m going to listen to it.” He told mostly himself.

_‘Hey, um Alec it’s Maia. I’m afraid I can’t reach you, and I’ve tried to a couple of times. I know you need to take care of yourself right now, and I hope you are!....’_

Magnus watched Alec’s face intently as he listened to the voice memo, what could it be. He couldn’t decipher Alec’s expression, as he seemed totally blank, but it couldn’t be a good thing right?  Normally people wouldn’t leave messages if it was a good thing. Magnus tried to crack open his brain and solve the mystery, when Alec lowered the phone down. His stare still seemed lifeless and Magnus was fearing for the worst. Was he fired? Was Maia fired? Did Luke resign? Did something happen with the case? Or even worse, did _he_ do _it_ again? Magnus was thrown off his path of thinking when he heard a loud smack on the ground. Alec had dropped his phone on the hard floor, but didn’t seem too bothered by it.  

“No,” Alec muttered. “No!” he groaned louder as he put his hands on his face.

“What happened?” Magnus was brave enough to whisper.

“They want to drop it!” Alec’s jaw was clenched so the sound came out forced.

“Drop what?” Magnus asked, not fully comprehending what was happening.

“They want to drop the case!” Alec shouted.

“Who, Alec?”

“Luke and Claire want to drop the case.”

“What?”

“I’m going to call Luke,” Alec decided.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Magnus questioned with his eyebrows drawn up.

“They can’t drop the case!” Alec grabbed his phone of the ground and looked at the crack that was visible.

“But what did Maia say then?” Magnus just wanted a straight answer from Alec, he just needed to know what was happening.

“That Luke and Claire want to drop the case, Claire wants to move on.”

“Then why are you fighting it?”

“Because I have to, who else is going to?” Alec hissed.

“Claire wants to move on, Alec.”

“I’m calling Luke.” Alec stormed off to his room and closed the door shut behind him. The sound of it ringing through the apartment.

 

 

***

 

“You promised me!” Alec screamed out to the phone. “You promised me you’d take care of it! That I could take time off and once I’d get back everything would be the same.” Magnus heard Alec yell from inside his room, the argument wasn’t going as well as he had hoped. But once Alec started to raise his voice and started yelling, Magnus knew he had to interfere. So he got off the couch and rushed over to where Alec was calling.

“Alec, no. We’re not going to do this.” Magnus said as he took Alec’s phone from him. He walked out of the room and tried to talk to Luke.

“Magnus!” Alec yelled upset. “Give it back!”

“Sorry about that Luke, I’ll talk to him,” Magnus finished as he hung up the phone.

“Why did you do that?!” Alec yelled with a lot of volume.

“Because this is out of your control, you can’t do anything about this, Alexander.”

“Why not?” Alec crossed his arms and stared at Magnus like he had just done some horrible thing.

“Because it’s not your choice.”

“I can’t let him get away Magnus, I just can’t.” Alec started twitching his fingers and rubbing them together, he tried to do it discretely, but Magnus already noticed.

“I know, but you can’t do this either. This isn’t good for any of us. You have to let this one go.”

“How come he gets away with it? How come they all fucking get away with it? How can I be at peace knowing that this fucked up society works that way? Judging someone for being who they are, but not caring when someone isn’t caught for a terrible crime? How do I continue when there is no real justice for anyone, how? Please tell me how, because I don’t know anymore! I just can’t do this. What am I supposed to do? Everything is just too much.” Alec let out a deep breath after ranting so much, Magnus could see he was starting to feel uncomfortable as he was blinking his eyes in a very anxious way and after Alec started to physically shake, he knew that he wasn’t okay. Magnus carefully closed the gap between them and hesitated to touch Alec. “Can I touch you?”

Alec shook his head vigorously , whilst plucking at the skin on his arms, Magnus pulled away and took some distance knowing now was not the time. 

“Alec you’re going to be okay, I promise.” He almost whispered.

“How? How is it going to be okay? How is this fucked up world ever going to be okay?!” Alec exclaimed, he started to walk around the room in a fast pace, his hands shaking. 

“The world can’t be totally fucked up, Alec!” Magnus tried.

“Why not?” Alec almost screamed, too filled with panic to actually think reasonably.

“Because it got me you! And I’m pretty sure you’re the best thing this earth has,” Magnus heaved.  “You’re the best thing I have.”

“Magnus-“

“Because this world can’t be as fucked up as you say, if you love me.”

“I do.”

“Then it honestly isn’t that bad, we can do this together. We can figure it out.”

“I just don’t understand,” Alec said, tears heavy in his eyes. “I can’t,” Alec started to gasp for air. “- I can’t, Magnus I can’t breathe-,” Alec said out of breath.  

“Can I touch you?” Magnus asked again, and was relieved when Alec nodded this time.

“Here,” Magnus motioned to the couch. He sat Alec down on the edge and put his feet straight. “Remember the exercise? Up and down?” First his heel touched the floor and then his toes, slowly moving his feet up and down in the same rhythm. Alec’s breathing still sounded heavy, he took too small of a breaths and Magnus was getting worried.

“Are you getting dizzy?” Alec just nodded slightly in response.

Magnus thought of solutions of how to calm him down more, he had to distract him, knowing that was a good way to let him focus on something else. Because in that case his normal breathing would take over and his mind would no longer be thinking it was in danger.

“Okay, Alec. Listen to me.” Magnus waited for Alec’s attention to be put back on him. “First I’m going to breath with you on the same rhythm your feet move, okay? Please slow them down a little and try to focus.” Magnus explained. “Feet up and down breath in, 1,2,3,4. Second time up, breath out 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.” They both did it together, Magnus sat in front of Alec on his knees and Alec barely sat on the couch.

“Okay, you’re doing great, darling. Now I’m going to ask you a few simple questions.” Magnus suggested as Alec was still following the rhythm. “What is your favorite fruit?”

“Watermelon,” Alec answered.

“How old is Izzy?”

“21.”

“What job do I do?”

“You’re an actor.”

“Am I a dog person or a cat person?”

“Cat person.”

“What is your favorite color?”

“Dark blue.”

“What is the color of my eyes?”

“Brown.”

“How tall are you?”

“6’3.”

The questions went on for a little while until Alec started to calm down and get his breathing under control again. Magnus sighed in relieve, when he saw that Alec was physically relaxing and breathing calmly. He couldn’t admit this to Alec, but seeing him like that was scary as fuck. It still was so unfamiliar and he never needed to calm down anyone like that before. He knew in the back of his head that it wasn’t dangerous, that Alec was going to be okay, but he was still worried. He never wanted to see Alec in that kind of distress, it felt horrible. But he was very thankful that they had talked about it before and that he had actually searched some technics to help Alec or to at least make sure he is okay.

“How are you feeling?” Magnus questioned once he saw that Alec laid against the back of the couch instead of sitting upright.

“Tired,” Alec mumbled.

“I bet.”

“I really feel like crying right now,” Alec choked out.  

Magnus just sighed deeply, squatted himself up and sat next to Alec on the couch. Once seated he pulled the man closer and laid Alec’s head in the crook of his neck. “Whatever you need, Alexander.” At first Alec just laid still against his neck, but Magnus felt him shaking just a couple seconds later. He knew Alec had let out some tears when he felt some water dripple on him, droplets hot against his skin. He knew Alec always felt like he had to hold things together otherwise they would break, but who would hold Alec together. Magnus was broken himself, so could he be a rock to someone else when he couldn’t even be one to himself? He had to be, he had to be for Alec. All he cared about was Alec, just Alec being okay. Whatever he needed to do, he would, even if that meant pushing away his own struggles. Not for forever, but just for that moment. He had no doubt in his mind that at least some of his past was going to haunt him at some point again, but Alec needed him to hold him up right now. And that is what he was going to do. He carefully stroked Alec’s back with his hand, hoping that it would sooth him and he knew it did after he felt Alec smile against his neck.

“It’s going to be okay, we’re going to be okay,” Magnus whispered against his hair.

 

***

 

“Do you want me to talk to Maia or Luke in the upcoming days about whatever happened?” Magnus asked sincerely after he put Alec’s mug of chocolate milk in front of him. Alec finally felt a little better and was even asking Magnus for a drink, which would be a clear indication that he was feeling alright at the moment.

“No, you don’t have to. It’s like you said, I can’t do anything about it. It’s not my decision.”

“But you can still be upset about it,” Magnus explained.

“I know and I am, but not because they’re dropping the case.” Alec started, Magnus waited patiently for him to continue. “I just- I wanted justice for Claire, because if I could at least catch him than he wouldn’t be able to do it to anyone else. I wanted to prevent something from happening. And now I can’t.”

Magnus sighed deeply, as if he was struggling to figure out what to say, he once again took place next to Alec whilst entwining their hands in the process.

“It’s not a bad thing to want to help, Alexander. It’s actually one of the things I love most about you, but knowing when you’ve hit your limit is also important. So, maybe that is what you have to figure out.”

“Maybe.”

“We don’t have it really easy, do we?” Magnus commented, which in return put a smile on Alec’s face.

“No we don’t. I honestly don’t even know why we’ve had this bad of a week. I yelled at Izzy, which I never do. You felt terrible these past days, now this news, it’s like what can we do to make it worse?”  
“And as a bonus I have to face all my colleagues in a couple days, act like nothing happened and act my ass off,” Magnus chimed in. “The wrap up starts next week and I just can’t seem to get all these negative thoughts about it out of my head. I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess.”

“I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess,” Alec responded.

“I don’t mind.”

“Me neither.” Alec smiled. “We’re going to be okay, right?”

“We have to be.”

“I still don’t understand why all of this is happening…” Alec sighed.

“Maybe the universe just wanted to get it over with,” Magnus chuckled. “Maybe they had all these bad things planned, and they just wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.”

“Maybe. Or it was a test.”

“A test?”

“Yeah, a test for our relationship, to see if we could handle hardships.”

“Well, then I guess we’ve passed with flying colors.”

 “I’m glad I have you,” Alec confessed sweetly.

“Me too.”

As Magnus was about to lean in to maybe do something he really wanted to, he heard the doorbell ring. He knew it was Alec’s apartment and he should probably answer it, but considering what just went down, Magnus got up instead. He quickly walked out of the living room and over to the door.

 

***

 

“Hi, I’m here for Alec.” The woman who stood on the other side of the room said. She had long blond hair, almost silk like skin, with red rosy cheeks. She was wearing a baggy dark-blue sweatshirt and some jeans. Magnus took in her appearance, trying to figure out if he knew her or not. He had an odd feeling that he did, but a name hadn’t popped in his head yet.

“Hi. Sure, he’s here. Come in.”

“Thanks.”

“I don’t want to sound rude, but who are you? Just so I can tell Alec who’s here.”

“I’m Claire.”

“Oh!”

“And you’re Magnus Bane.”

“The one and only,” Magnus bowed as he said that, in an incredibly cheesy way.

“Didn’t know Alec had a famous friend…”

“We hide it quite well,” Magnus winked as he took of her jacket for her. “Alec has told me a lot about you, it’s great to finally meet you.”

“Wish I could say the same, but I had literally no idea,” she chuckled a little uncomfortably.

“So, what’s bringing you here?” Magnus tried to sound nonchalant, but it didn’t particularly work.

“I wanted to talk about… everything and maybe just catch up.”

“That’s alright, but I do have to say one thing though. Alec hasn’t been feeling all that well with the news, so please tread lightly.”

“Oh,” she sighed. “I kind of knew he wasn’t going to take it well, but I still hoped that he wouldn’t be that affected, but I promise I’ll talk to him with care.”

“That’s all I’m asking, I’ll give you guys some privacy. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” Magnus disappeared as soon as he said that and Claire hesitantly walked over to the living room where Alec was seated on the couch. Looking as exhausted as ever.

“Who was it Magnus?” Alec asked curiously.

“Me,” Claire stated. Alec quickly turned to the sudden voice and stared at her with disbelieve.

“Claire,” Alec started, he got up from the couch to go and greet her. He wrapped her up in a hug and gestured for her to have a seat. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to you, actually.”

“About what?”

“About the reason I want to drop the case.”

“We don’t have to talk about that, I’d rather you didn’t…” Alec said honestly.

“But I have to explain myself, please let me,” she begged.

“Okay.”

“First of all I want to thank your, for all what you’ve done and I want to thank you for checking up on me and caring for me like you do,” Claire started off and Alec mumbled a quick ‘of course’. “Alec you have to understand that I want him caught, I wouldn’t want anyone to experience what I’ve experienced or even worse. You must know that.” Alec nodded. “I just couldn’t do it anymore, I want to move on. Move away from this memory and just get on with my life. I want to forget this ever happened, even though I know that that will never happen. I want to be able to enjoy myself again with my wonderful girlfriend, with my family and with friends. But I don’t think I can whilst being invested in this case. I just need to let this go, and I know you do too.” She paused to look at Alec with those damn truthful eyes.

“I know it’s been killing you and I know you wanted to help more than anything, but I don’t think you can. I’m sorry, Alec. I need to let it go. So Luke and I have decided to drop it, or better yet leave it open. Luke said he hadn’t found a lead in months, I wasn’t willing to cooperate and things just didn’t turn out the way we had hoped. I’m sorry.”

“But I promised you,” Alec whispered.

“I know.”

“I don’t break promises,” Alec stated.

“It’s okay to break this one.” She swiftly took Alec’s big hand in her smaller one, comforting a person she started seeing as a friend.

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

“It just feels like I’ve failed, Claire. Like I always do.”

“That’s not true, Alec. I know we haven’t known each other for a long time, but you are a brave, kind, loyal and goodhearted person. You’re not a failure, you’re not weak. You are so strong with everything that’s been going on.” Alec looked at her confused, wondering how she knew about that. “I heard it from Maia, who heard it from Izzy.” Alec rolled his eyes at the names.

“Right now I just need to move on and I know you do too, I know I could just step away from the case, but it still would haunt me like it has. It would still feel unfinished to me, but the way I want to close this chapter doesn’t feel unfinished. It feels like a relieve. ”

“I don’t want to give up.”

“It’s not giving up, it’s like taking a break,” she suggested, but he just huffed at her response.

“Alec, listen. You have been spending countless of hours on this, time you could’ve invested in something else. Something that mattered.”

“You matter!”

“I know, I know that. Don’t get too offended. I just mean he’ll get his karma eventually, but right now there are people in your life that deserve your time,” she tried. “Like Magnus,” she smirked.

“Like Magnus,” he agreed.

“Alec you and I aren’t that much different. We are stubborn, good-willed and kind people, but sometimes we can forget when to let go and just move on. And what do you know, maybe you’ll get him someday, but for now I think it’s better to just take some distance and focus on other things. Do you understand?”

“Yeah…” Alec muttered still not completely on board.

“Good. Do you actually remember when we first met?”

Alec winced at the memory, it wasn’t a pleasant one and he wasn’t really sure why she brought it up, but he nodded in the end.  

“I was so scared and confused and then there was you, a kindhearted officer who treated me like an adult. Like I spoke the truth and would never be questioned for it.  That was an incredible thing to do. But I know that a lot of women don’t get the same treatment and are not taken seriously.” Alec nodded along, but he still didn’t see where this was going.

“You never made me feel that way, you never made me feel like my experience didn’t matter or that this wasn’t worth it, so thank you. I know that you would’ve done everything in your power to make sure this wouldn’t happen again, but just by giving me a shoulder to lean on I gained some strength. So thank you for doing that, detective Lightwood.”

“I just couldn’t help but imagine Izzy, when I was talking to you,” Alec muttered lowly. “You had the same mannerisms, the same walk etc. and just knowing that something like this could happen to Izzy too, just made my stomach churn. I knew I had to do something, to make you feel believed and trusted. I’m happy I at least did that, even though I couldn’t do much more.” Claire leaned her head against Alec’s shoulder in a comforting gesture.

“Sometimes just being there is even more valuable. You just can’t always get the bad guy and it sucks.”

“It does.” After that they were both silent for a little while, just processing everything that was discussed.

“You’re going to be okay?” Claire asked, breaking the silence.

“I think I will,” Alec sighed staring off to where Magnus would be. Claire noticed his gaze and smiled softly.

“On a lighter note, how come you’ve never mentioned your incredibly beautiful and famous, I might add, friend?”

“Didn’t come up?” Alec shrugged his shoulders as he smiled once again.

“Oh, so when I asked about your boyfriend situation multiple times it just didn’t come up?”

“Nope.”  
“But seriously, what’s up, because he seemed particularly protective of you once I got here.”

“I love him,” Alec admitted love-drunk.

“Really?” Claire smiled from ear to ear. “Didn’t expect to hear that,” she chuckled

“Yeah…”

“So your love life is not complicated anymore?” she asked.

“That is actually the same guy who it was complicated with,” Alec muttered lowly.

“Well, then I’m happy it’s not complicated anymore.”

“Me too, but it still might be a little complicated.”

“Are you happy with him?” she asked.

“I know it was a little difficult between us. Considering everything, but I feel like we’ve grown so close to one another that I really can’t imagine my life without him anymore. He makes me smile, gives me butterflies, makes me get up in the morning and genuinely cares about me. So to answer your question… I’ve never been happier.”

“Alec… that’s so great. I knew when I found Jacky that I never wanted to let go and be with someone else. So seeing you, the stoic guy, being this happy is just wonderful.”

“It really is.”

“So why don’t we just try to move on and focus on the future, okay? Because if you fail to grant time for the things you care about, you’ll forget why you’re even fighting at all.”

“Sure seems like a good quote.”

 

***

 

Magnus was feeling a little bored, he had left Claire and Alec alone in the other room, but he didn’t have anything to do in the meantime. He only had his phone and he promised he wouldn’t look on social media anymore. It was just going to bring him down and he didn’t want that. His reputation was the least of his concern at the moment, but he still felt bored. So he played a game on his phone for a couple minutes, but that soon became boring as well. He might as well give Izzy some updates before she start worrying too, Magnus thought.

 

**Magnus**

_Hi Iz, I just wanted to tell you that you’re brother just had a panic attack. Don’t worry, it’s fine now, I’ve calmed him down. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Luke and Claire decided to drop the case. Claire is here right now talking to him, but I don’t know how it’s going. I just wanted to let you know._

12:03

 

He almost directly got a response from her saying:

**Isabelle**

_Hi, yeah I’ve heard about the case being dropped and I already wondered how Alec was doing. Hope he’s fine now, thank you for being there for him. I know right now isn’t easy for you either._

12:04

 

**Isabelle**

_I’m sorry how I acted, I didn’t have any right to speak to you like that. And I’m so sorry. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship._

12:04

 

**Magnus**

_It’s fine, dear. I know you didn’t mean it like that, and I’m sorry for being so harsh on you. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?_

12:05

 

**Isabelle**

_Yes please_

12:05

 

“I thought you weren’t going to look anymore?” Alec asked him.

“I’m not,” Magnus defended showing Alec his phone.

“Good.”

“Did Claire leave already?” Magnus looked behind Alec, seeing if she was really gone.

“Yeah, she had to be somewhere else, so she took off.”

“How was your talk?” Magnus asked curiously.

“It was good, actually. Don’t feel anxious.”

“That’s good then, right?”

“Yeah, it is.” Alec smiled as he took a few steps towards Magnus. “Can we talk for a minute? I just think we need to talk about us.”

“Yeah.. let’s do that. It’s long overdue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave some kudos or comments if you like, constructive criticism is absolutely welcome and if you want to give me some tips, please do ;)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sooooo long time no see I guess. I'm not going to lie, I forgot about this fic for a while... but I still finished it, even if I'm not completely satisfied with the endresult. I did learn a lot while writing this story. Like there are so many things I would change about this fic, but to be honest I'm actually kind of proud of what I've accomplished. This fic has changed so much and to think that it would originally be around 40k, is wild to me. Like the whole thing I had planned out for this fic, was thrown out of the window... :) but I do think I've made some good chapters and scenes I'm really proud of. I'm so so happy I finally finished it, cause it had been haunting be since forever. I'm not really satisfied with the ending, but I couldn't think of something else... but I do hope I tied most of the loose ends.  
> Hope you guys will like it and if not, that's okay too. I also want to thank the people who stuck with me and actually read all of this. Thank you for your support and love, it really is appreciated
> 
> I hope I didn't disappoint

Magnus felt nervous where this conversation was going to go, a lot had happened since they came in contact with one another and it just felt like it could maybe be too heavy to form a relationship with all this information, but he couldn’t deny his feelings any longer. He had never felt like this before, with no one, he felt like he could trust Alec with his heart and he wouldn’t go and break it. Magnus looked at the man who he was following to the couch and couldn’t help but smile. What was he even thinking? Of course he wanted to be with Alec, more than anything. He loved him with whole his heart and beyond that. It physically hurt to be apart from him. Alec sat down on one side of the couch and Magnus occupied the other side. They looked at each other with a certain hope in their eyes. ‘Let’s have the conversation that would be too important to skip.’

“Are you sure you want to do this, right now?” Magnus asked with a tremor in his voice.

“Why not?” Alec said honestly, because when was he not?

“Well considering what happened these past couple of hours, are you ready to have a serious conversation? ” Magnus replied with a stern look in his eyes.

“Are you?” Alec asked back.

“Could you not reply my question with questions of your own?” Magnus chuckled.

“Okay fine. I know that if we don’t do this now, that we’ll just try to push it further away. What are we waiting for Magnus? I’m ready to talk.”

“You’re not too tired?”

“No.”

“Then we talk.” Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand softly in his and turned his body to look Alec straight in the eye.

“So where do we start, should we avoid certain topics?” Alec asked seriously.

“I don’t know, should we? I just want to be honest with you.”

“Me too.”

“Do you want to start, or should I?” Magnus asked.

“I’ll start,” Alec took a deep breath. “I love you, Magnus. I do so much and ever since we met I just can’t stop thinking about you. I was so fascinated by you and who you were and I never felt more sorry than I did when I judged you before getting to know you. I was so wrong, god Magnus, I was so wrong about everything. And I will never not be thankful for you giving me a second chance, because I got to meet this sweet, caring, strong and wonderful guy that I’ve given my heart to. I know we haven’t really had the best circumstances when it comes to our personal lives, but I’ll gladly take all the mess if it means that I’ll get to be with you. And the time we’ve spend together was incredible to me and then this week happened and everything changed. Everything started to become even messier and I was so confused. This week may have been a total chaos in my mind, but one thing is crystal clear to me, Magnus. I want to be with you, I do. And I think it’s time that we stop running in circles.”

“I know,” Magnus sighed heavily and started to nervously caress Alec’s hand with his fingers. “I don’t know what I should say…” Magnus admitted as he refused to look Alec in the eye, not really sure why.

“Well, how about this. Where do you see this going?” Alec asked, hand rubbing his neck carefully in a way Magnus was oh so familiar with. “Where do you see us going?” he reframed the question.

“Honestly?” Magnus whispered almost too soft, but when Alec nodded he realized he heard. “I don’t think there will be a future without you in it, a future where we’re apart. I need you in my life, Magnus. So to answer your question, I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me.”

“How does forever sound?” Alec suggested when he knew Magnus felt still a little insecure.

“Just right,” Magnus smiled.

“See, that was a great beginning right?” Alec teased.

“Beginning? I’m pretty sure we’re already halfway through our relationship. We kind of skipped a few steps along the way.…” Magnus chuckled as he thought of all the moments they had already shared. “You’ve found out more about me than anybody else has. You know more insecurities, secrets and weird stuff about me than anybody else,” Magnus looked into those beautiful hazels and caressed the soft porcelain skin of Alec’s cheek. He smiled with a hint of worry and sadness in his eyes, but hoped Alec wouldn’t notice. “Still want to date a high maintenance celebrity that is being haunted by his past, that will probably be nothing but trouble and can be really annoying?”

“Still want to date an overly anxious detective who is still struggling with his mental health and doesn’t really know how to show his feelings?” Magnus glared at him with no real heat in his eyes, just a little fondness.

“Magnus Bane, it would be an honour to date the kindest, sweetest, bravest, funniest and most beautiful man out there. I will never look at you the way you’ve described, you are not that person, you are so much more. We are much more than that. If you believe it or not,” Alec said determined. 

“I want to believe it,” Magnus whispered mostly to himself than to Alec in particular.

“Good.”

“Btw you’re pretty good at showing your feelings just now…How have you become so confident in our relationship anyway?” Magnus questioned with a smile in his voice.

“I know that I’ve not always been this sure about us, but lately I just can’t seem to picture myself with anyone except you. I can’t hide this anymore and I don’t want to. I realized I want to be with you, so here I am,” Alec squeezed Magnus’ hand a little tighter as he said those words.

“I want to be with you too,” Magnus smiled shyly. “But I just need to know that you’re not focusing all of your attention on us right now because you don’t want to think about something else.”

“Maybe that has a little to do with it….” Alec admitted ashamed. “But we need to sort this… us… out. We’ve needed this conversation for so long. I just need to know where I stand with you.” Alec gestured between the two of them as he spoke, not aware that his other hand was rubbing the back of Magnus’ hand softly. And Magnus would be lying if he said that that didn’t make him melt inside.

“You stand on the highest of pedestals for me, Alexander,” he admitted softly. “But it’s not always as easy as it is right now. Some things will get difficult between us and I’m not sure if you or rather I can handle that.”

Alec groaned loudly at the heavy subject yet again, but Magnus just needed to know. He needed to know that if something were to happen, Alec wouldn’t bold. He already knew the answer, but he just needed to hear it with his own two ears.

“You know I was going to bring this up,” Magnus said softly, not wanting to irritate Alec even further.

Alec sighed deeply and turned his body wholly to Magnus, one leg under the other as he stared Magnus down. “I can promise you that we can handle anything that comes our way, just look at what we’ve already been through.”

“But what about the press, Alec.”

“Didn’t realize they had a vote in this relationship.”

“They don’t, but they do have influence. You’ve pulled away from me before because of them,” Magnus explained.

“I’ll learn to deal with them,” Alec simply stated.

“But what if you can’t, they can be ruthless.”

“I think I’ll be alright as long as I’m with you.”

“It’s not as easy.”

“I love you.”

“What if that’s not enough?”

“I love you.”

“Alexander, please. Just focus.”

“I am. I want this and I’m not going to let anyone take this from me. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life and now that I’m finally able to admit everything to you, I’m not turning back. I’m here to stay. I’m not leaving,” Alec finished stern and seemed to have finally shut Magnus and his doubts up.

“Are you really sure?” Magnus asked just to be certain.

“Yes, Magnus I’m sure. We don’t have to tell the press yet if you don’t want to or if you’re not sure about it.”

“That’s not it, I just don’t want them to be involved this early on. What if you decide that I’m not worth it because of it?” There it was, Magnus thought. His insecurities and doubts ruining everything again, but he hoped that somehow Alec would reassure him just like he had done so many times already.

“I thought we already accomplished that that was not the case. And would never be the case. I’m not dating you because of your fame, and I’m not going to leave you because of it. I promise you that I will never leave you alone, Magnus. But you have to do something for me too,” Alec’s voice was still stern, but it had a softer edge to it than before.

“What is it?” Magnus asked.

“Just let me love you,” he simply said, as if he hadn’t said the sweetest thing ever. Magnus felt his heart swell up and his eyes tear up. Alec was really in it for real, even after everything that they went through. It just felt so unrealistic, Magnus never had this kind of validation, loyalty or love for that matter. He never felt it and now that he did, it just didn’t make sense. But maybe love just didn’t make sense, did it? Alec was in love with him, and he was in love with Alec and that’s all that mattered to him in that moment, and hopefully for a long time.

“I’m going to say something to you, that I’ve been so scared of and have been avoiding. But I just wanna say it, and I want you to hear it,” Magnus took a deep breath and blurted it out before he could think twice about it “Alexander, I love you.” Alec’s face beamed as he heard the words come out of Magnus’ mouth. He slowly leaned in, giving Magnus the chance to pull away, just in case Magnus didn’t want to, but pressed his lips against Magnus’ when he gave him an encouraging nod. The kiss was sweet and caring, and oh so good. It was just right.

“So when are we going on a date?” Magnus asked when Alec pulled away, their foreheads pressed against one another.

“I don’t think you’ve asked, yet,” Alec said with a cheeky smile as he leaned back.

“Oh?”

“But how about tomorrow, I’m not doing much,” he joked.

“I thought I hadn’t asked, yet. Maybe I don’t wanna go on a date with you anymore,” Magnus tried to play off.

“You asked and you can’t return that. You can’t get rid of me anymore, Bane,” Alec teased with the biggest smile on his face.

“I’m okay with that,” Magnus looked at Alec with the truest smiles one could muster.

“But you should ask, just to be certain..” Alec teased as Magnus rolled his eyes at him.

“Then here by I ask you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, will you go on a date with me?”

“How did you get my middle name?” Alec asked shocked.

“Some fairy might have told me, but answer the question.”

“Yes, Magnus Bane. I will go on a date with you.”

“I love you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood,” Magnus leaned in a little closer.

“I love you too, Magnus ‘you don’t have a middle name?’ Bane.”

“I indeed do not have a middle name.” Alec chuckled and slowly but surely brushed his lips against Magnus’. Feeling really giddy as he couldn’t help the smile that still graced his lips, which made the kissing part a little more difficult.

 

***

 

Alec couldn’t help yawning when his tiredness was finally hitting him again and Magnus chuckled as he looked ashamed afterwards.

“I’m not boring you, am I?” Magnus asked with a smirk.

“No, just what you said before, a little tired,” Alec mumbled as he rubbed his face with his hand. “Do you want to lay down with me?” Alec asked innocently.

“Sure.” Magnus moved over, laid down on the couch and gestured for Alec to lay on top of him.

“Uhm… can I.. will you..” Alec stammered.

“What?” Magnus whispered.

“Will you lay on top of me? I just need you to ground me a little bit and some weight helps..”

“Sure,” Magnus replied and stood up from the couch. He waited until Alec was comfortably laying and then slowly lowered himself onto the boy, careful of crushing him.

“I’m not too heavy, am I?” Magnus questioned concerned when he heard Alec groan a little.

“No, actually you’re just right.”

“Sweet talker,” Magnus chuckled and laid his head on Alec’s chest, softly listening to his heartbeats. They were a little uneven, Magnus noticed, but nothing concerning. Alec wrapped his arms tightly around Magnus’ torso, to hold him even closer to himself.

“This feels nice,” he commented with a smile.

“Sure does,” Magnus smiled. “Does it help?”

“A little, I just needed someone to push against me. It’s weird I know, but sometimes when I feel like this I just need some weight on top of me.”

“It’s not weird, whatever you need Alexander.”

“Thanks,” Alec muttered and pressed a kiss against Magnus’ hairline. “I’m just going to close my eyes for a little bit here.”

“Sleep tight dear.”

“Don’t go, okay?”

“I won’t go anywhere. I promise,” Magnus whispered when he pressed a kiss over Alec’s heart.

 

***

 

They’ve been laying like this for over 2 hours and Magnus would be lying if he said he was still comfortable. Cause his neck was aching, his muscles were hurting and his back was stiff. But everything for Alec. He would do about anything for him, if it meant that he could look at his sleeping face. It just felt so peaceful. His eyes were fluttering sometimes, as if he was dreaming, he breathed out a few puffs here and there and Magnus couldn’t help but chuckle when Alec snored softly. He was just about the cutest thing ever and Magnus couldn’t take his eyes off of him. Alec slowly started moving when Magnus was running his hand through his hair softly. Alec started to make a little noise and Magnus stilled his movement, but it was already too late, because a few seconds later those beautiful hazels were staring back at him.

“Hi,” he sleepily spoke.

“Hi, good nap?” Magnus asked.

“Felt great,” Alec moved a little and took Magnus with him as he snuggled further into the man. “Especially with you here.”

“Well good, that’s what I’m for, I guess..” Magnus chuckled.

Alec shook his head softly as he starting waking up more and more. His sleepy eyes started looking for something.

“Have you seen my phone? I need to text Maia and Izzy.”

“I think it’s on the kitchen table,” Magnus replied.

“Oh.”

“Do you absolutely need to text them?” he asked.

“Well no, but I thought I might,” Alec said. “I just wanted to let Izzy know that I’m okay and tell Maia that I’ve talked to Claire.”

“I already talked to Izzy and she knows, so you don’t have to worry about her.”

“Okay, still need to text Maia though.”

“Hmm.. but I’m comfortable,” Magnus whined.

“Okay, I guess it can wait,” Alec gave in.

“How did your talk with Claire go, anyway?” Magnus questioned curiously. “I don’t want to pry, but…”

“It was difficult, I’m not going to lie. But I’m okay.”

Magnus raised his eyebrows as to say ‘really?’

“Really. She said some very true things and I just needed to have some perspective. She basically just talked about her look on things and I needed that, I guess. It made me realize why I do what I do and why I actually had to step back. She said I helped her so much these last months and that she is so grateful for that.”

“That’s so great, Alexander. I’m so proud of you. Like you’ve grown these past months so much and I loved having you with me every second. Just the fact that you admitted to needing help, is already so brave. And boy did I underestimate you when we first met.”

“Have I redeemed myself?” Alec asked all of the sudden.

“What?”

“Did I prove to you that I'm not that guy? Like I promised I would?” he continued.

“Definitely. You're so much better than I could ever imagine, Alexander. There are literally no words,” Magnus sighed honestly.

“Well, that’s good, right?”

“The absolute best,” Magnus chuckled as he pressed a kiss against Alec’s chest.

They were both silent after that, thinking about their time together and how much they’ve actually changed because of it. The moment felt peaceful as they could only hear each other’s breathing and their hearts softly beating, with a little bit of wind coming through the open window.

“It is going to be okay, right?” Alec suddenly asked. “I’m going to be okay, right? I’m not going to be broken forever, right?”

“You’re not broken, Alexander,” Magnus shook his head and moved up a little so he was looking Alec in his eyes. “We’re both not broken, we just need some help getting back on our feet. But I’ll make sure that we’re going to be okay.”

“Okay,” Alec nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Magnus turned his head a little so he could give Alec a kiss. Alec happily obliged as he even hummed into the kiss.

After they broke it off, Magnus tried to reach the coffee table without moving, with no success.

“Can you reach for my phone, sweetheart?” Magnus batted his eyelashes at Alec in an innocent manner.

“What, you can have your phone and I can’t?” Alec said with a smirk.

“Yes,” Magnus cut him off. “Now give it to me!” Alec laughed as Magnus begun reaching for it, but still not being able to reach it.

“I need to tell Ragnor about this!” he whined.

“Ohhhh, you need to tell Ragnor. If you would’ve told me earlier I would’ve grabbed it for you,” Alec sarcastically said. Magnus pouted as he pushes softly against Alec’s chest.

“Fine, you can have your phone.” Magnus beamed at his words. “If I can get a kiss.”

“You only have to ask, baby,” Magnus smirked. Alec turned a little rosy around the cheeks, but smiled nonetheless. Magnus leaned down again and gave Alec a sweet peck. Alec smiled after Magnus pulled away and grabbed Magnus’ phone from the table.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you, darling.” Magnus started moving a little too harshly and Alec yelped as Magnus accidentally hit him in the shin.

“Sorry,” Magnus quickly said.

“You’re getting too heavy,” Alec grumbled.

“I thought I was just right…” Magnus commented.

“That was two hours ago,” Alec moaned too dramatically, but Magnus moved off of him.

“Fine,” Magnus muttered sarcastically.

 

Magnus grabbed the phone and went to text Ragnor

  
**Magnus**

_You want to know what happened? We finally got our heads out of our asses_

15:05

 

**Ragnor**

_Finally! Thought you dumbasses never would_

15:10

 

Magnus smiled at the typical text from his friend.

“You’ve been doing okay, right?” Alec asked suddenly when Magnus was sat on the other side of the couch.

“What do you mean, darling?” he replied after putting his phone away.

“I know we’ve been focusing on me for a while, but I just need to know if you’re okay too..”

“I’m better than I’ve ever felt before, I can promise you that.”

“Well good. If you want to talk..”

“I know,” Magnus nodded and reached over to entwine Alec’s fingers with his. “Thank you.” Magnus brought up Alec’s hand and pressed a lingering kiss to Alec’s slender fingers.

“What do you want to do?” Alec begun. “Besides hang out on the couch of course.”

“Hmm… that is a good question. We could watch a movie.”

“A Disney movie?” Alec replied with a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“Definitely.”

 

After a while they finished the movie and Magnus looked down at the heavy weight on his lap. Alec had fallen asleep again, it seemed, his nose was a little scrunched up and his hair was a dishevelled mess. Magnus giggled as he combed his hand through Alec’s soft hair. He couldn’t believe that this was real, that this would actually be his life. Waking up with Alec every morning, kissing him whenever he felt like it, hugging each other for comfort or just casually touching the other. He couldn’t dream of anything else, Alec really was it for him… he never felt as happy as he felt in that moment. The silent moment was disturbed by Magnus’ phone that buzzed. He looked at it and saw that it was an notification from Twitter. He wouldn’t admit this to Alec, but he had reinstalled it. He just had to. He could handle all the negative opinions as long as he also had the positive ones. Magnus looked at Alec’s sleeping form before he opened the notification. It wasn’t a mean message or a negative opinion. It was just a question.

 

_FlowerBane: I’ve been really curious when @magnusbane will return, I miss him and his funny messages or comments. I miss his smile and his laugh, I miss his photography and his updates on the show. I just really miss him. Do y’all think he’ll come back??_

 

Magnus tensed and felt his stomach drop as he read the message, his fans missed him, something that he wouldn’t expect. He hadn’t even given them an explanation yet... which they obviously deserved.

 

He felt the need to reply, he needed to reply. He had wanted to put out a statement for his fans because he owed them an update or just a message. So he opened the cheesy notes app and typed away. He just needed to do this for himself, not for the rumours or his reputation or the show, but for himself and his fans.

@MagnusBane :  _I told myself that I wouldn’t be one of those celebrities that would care about what anyone were to think of them, that I could just ignore everything said about me. That I could just live in the moment and not think about my past mistakes. But I realized that that is not realistic, that that is not who I am or who I’m going to be. I care what people think and that isn’t the worst thing, that just makes me human. It makes the things I stand for and the things I care about real. I wasn’t real before, not with all of you at least, because I haven’t been telling you the truth. Before I get into it I want to address some stuff first._

_First off, I want to talk about my absence of social media as many of you may have noticed. The last few days have been maybe the worst days of my life and I don’t think I’ve ever had a week this bad, so I had to distance myself a little bit to make me see things clearer. I had some stuff going on between me and one of my closest friends, he wasn’t doing really well and it just really affected me. More than I was willing to admit. Luckily we talked everything through, but I knew he still wasn’t alright._

_Then there was this whole thing with E!news and the comments I’ve received this week have been nothing but hateful and spiteful to me and it almost broke me. Almost. It brought things back that I thought I’d hidden. You guys know I have not been very vocal about my past, but I just have to be right now. Especially if it can help someone out there. So here it goes: I’ve struggled with depression for a long long time, because of reasons I’m not willing to admit yet, and after years I could feel it was crawling back to me. The sad thing is that I know for a fact that if I didn’t have the people I surround myself with, I wouldn’t ever have survived. I just wouldn’t. I’m not telling you guys this to pity me or to feel sympathy, I’m not. I’m just finally being real with you, about something I should’ve been a long time ago. If you still want to hate me or don’t like me or even hate me then go ahead, I won’t stop you, but just know that it won’t do any of us any good._

_Now about the rumours that have been circling around. I didn’t want to comment about them, because I’m sick of defending myself for things that I haven’t done and I’m sick of having to explain every step I make. Cancel culture is toxic, there I said it. This might surprise some people out there, but people can change! People grow and learn new things along the way, that is literally what humanity and life is about. If you made a mistake, you’ll learn from it and move on. That is how it works. I agree that if some celebrities or people in general don’t learn from it, you can be upset and mad at them, but don’t throw away someone that is willing to learn. I understand if you don’t like me for who I was or something I said, but if you’re not willing to even look further into my life or who I am or what I stand for, then I don’t want your support._

_About the interview, I wanted to tell you guys what happened, but what good does it do? I’ll just be trying to get some of the heat off of me and I’ll feel like I’m throwing someone else under the bus. But I just want to say this:  the video that has been shared, retweeted, liked of me and Isabelle on E!news was altered and not what really happened. Now I’m not willing to say anything more, but just don’t believe everything you see. Don’t believe all the pictures, stories or apparently interviews, because things will be altered to someone’s beliefs or perspective. But I think our lives would be a whole lot better if we all tried to focus a little less on the negative and a little more on the positive, because I promise you, you’ll feel a whole lot better if you do. Hate comments only make the one’s writing it angry, the one reading it upset and the one it’s directed at hurt. So please consider the things you say online._

_I promise you that there is a point I’m trying to make, but I just felt like I should at least say something about certain topics in this long long message. I know it is long and probably half of you guys already stopped reading it, but I just want everybody to know that if you are struggling with your mental health or with anything at all, you will be okay. Please just talk about it and if necessary try to seek out help. Just seek out anyone that will listen and is there for you._ _Because although I’ve had a fucking horrible week, where I slipped back into my depression a little bit, **I** still made it out. And you can too. I was just very lucky to have a person in my life that made the sun shine when all I could see was rain. That made the dark angry clouds in my head, nothing but bright and clear sky. That made me realize I am more than what people think, expect and want from me. The person who would hold my hand when I was too scared or comfort me when I was at my lowest, the person that made me realize my worth. I am my own person, with my own thoughts, my own personality and my own insecurities. I may seem like I don’t care, but I can promise you that I care about your opinions. A little too much. But from now on, I don’t want to anymore. So talk about me all you want, paint me in a wrong light, say horrible things about me. I won’t care! Because he will always tell me otherwise, and I’d rather listen to him. _

_And for next time: don’t believe everything you read online about a person, they can be completely different. So, don’t judge a book by its cover! Promise me you'll do better._

_Love you all,_

_Magnus._

Yeah, he thought as he looked back at the sleeping man in his lap, he would be okay. And for the first time, in well... forever, he actually meant it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this way too long of a fic for the storyline that I had, then give me a kudo or a comment. I would love to have more of them ;)

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it please leave some kudos and comments. Also if you have some constructive criticism please comment. I really hope you enjoyed it xx  
> find me on twitter: @maiaheline


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